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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:31

@Sashkin Thank you. I appreciate the context.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/03/2019 20:31

Jalila07

I’ve seeb you sugest he order an Uber for her too many times and declare you’re Uber savy yet you don’t seem to acknowledge everyone saying DON’T GIVE SOMEONE YOUR ADDRESS IN THE FIRST DATE!

No matter what “standards” you set that’s surely a given!

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:32

Out of interest, where do you live?

I have absolutely no idea!

RosaWaiting · 27/03/2019 20:33

GabsALot "im in my forties and dated in the nighties"

another interesting approach to dating.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:33

It's fine, you know - no one is bothered if you don't want to come here. Really.

Oh, I do want to come there .....

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starsurge · 27/03/2019 20:35

Blame MN's quoting system for making it hard to see who's the original poster of anything that has been quoted, @stevie69, especially on mobile! No hard feelings though, this is just one of the more polarising debates on here, that's all. Grin

nutsfornutella · 27/03/2019 20:35

I like it when my BF walks on the outside of the pavement, or when he opens the car door for me, or when he brings me flowers "just because". I wasn't very loved as a child, or in my marriage, so its lovely when he makes those little gestures, that show that he's thinking of me as something to be looked after.

Do you do nice things for him like wear his favourite dress, buy his favourite beers when you go the weekly shop or make him his fave breakfast in bed just because? Everybody enjoys being with a thoughtful partner. The woman in the OP was in a first date and it's not unreasonable for the man to assume that she's a capable grownup. If the relationship continues he'll learn what she likes in a relationship.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:35

by the bizarre, twisted chips on the shoulders of people who are at such pains to insist that there is nothing at all special about London.

There is but one special thing. And I don't like chips! If I wanted to live there, I would. Easy really, isn't it.

WheelyCote · 27/03/2019 20:36

Whats INTJ vibes?

pootyisabadcat · 27/03/2019 20:36

then most men would do this -

There you go again with the 'most men'. You have no clue about this because you haven't dated in decades and furthermore, don't know 'most men'.

She sounds like an entitled freeloader.

slashlover · 27/03/2019 20:41

Yep, because the consequences for a woman of a street attack (while rare, I know) are life changing. Are you gonna tell me that me getting sexually assaulted is on a par with my male date having his wallet nicked?

What about your male date being physically assaulted? What percentage of stabbing victims are male? What percentage of one punch deaths are male?

Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 27/03/2019 20:42

Blimey - I live out in deepest darkest Surrey and when I’ve dated in London it’s very rarely been a concern of any I’ve met, how I was getting home. But I’m independent, strong and it didn’t concern me too much either. Now I’m wondering if it should?!

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 20:42

Gonna slowly back away.

Back tracking more like.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:43

Blame MN's quoting system for making it hard to see who's the original poster of anything that has been quoted, @stevie69, especially on mobile! No hard feelings though, this is just one of the more polarising debates on here, that's all

Thanks. I appreciate that. I know it divides opinion. Just trying to get the message across that I'm a completely independent woman — no partner in my life — who would appreciate my date seeing me into the first cab home (for which I would pay). That's all really.

I know that London's safe. I can't put a pin on the Charing Cross Road but I've flown into London many a time and it's .... well ,safe. However, let's just suppose that something awful had happened to the OP's friend ..... I think that this thread would have have taken quite a different turn.

SkinnyPete · 27/03/2019 20:44

@WheelyCote Whats INTJ vibes?

Myres-Briggs Type. Extremely intelligent, utterly black and white and steadfast in their opinions. Nothing implied, nothing insinuated, the word is the word. Tough and difficult debaters... I'm happy to bow out at that point.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:45

What about your male date being physically assaulted? What percentage of stabbing victims are male? What percentage of one punch deaths are male?

Well, none on the Charing Cross Road from what I'm led to beleive .....

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:45

believe

Loopytiles · 27/03/2019 20:46

Getting home by yourself from central London is pretty standard when meeting friends or dating.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:48

What about your male date being physically assaulted? What percentage of stabbing victims are male? What percentage of one punch deaths are male?

Stats show that, while men are more likely to be assaulted than women, those assaults are likely to be minor. Yeah, there's always the exception. But risk is evaluated on the likely scenario.

rwalker · 27/03/2019 20:49

Depends if the taxi she order was to go to the 1950's then yes he should of stayed

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:50

OK, I'm bowing out of this conversation now, the bits that involve you anyway. Not interested in stupid meaningless conversation with someone who's completely disingenuous. Bye

See ya Grin

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 20:50

I’m getting a bit lost here to be honest. Anyway...

It’s nothing to do with London. Obviously he wasn’t leaving her in a lane, but it’s the principle of it nevertheless.

Having said this, I accept that Ubers are more tricky. As PPs have said, if it was a black cab and he’d got in it first, we would all have been livid. But this is not the case which is why she’ll see him again and hopefully this will go well from here on in. Fingers crossed!

OP posts:
stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:51

I don't want to tell you where I currently live. Despite you quoting 'out of interest' I doubt that you give a shit!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 27/03/2019 20:53

I actually think your friend shouldn't go. She sounds like hard work and a drama queen.

She ordered her own Uber - did they do it at the same time? His probably just arrived earlier and hers can't have been that long behind his. They normally arrive within minutes.

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a while.