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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 27/03/2019 20:16

I've never heard this "men should walk on the outside of the path" before. Why?? I can only walk on the left hand side so at least half the time in walking closer to the road than DH.

theemmadilemma · 27/03/2019 20:17

Oh god. After my thread this one is just calling me.

She's over 40? The date was over? They were going their separate ways in alternative transport?

Unless he was leaving her in a dark alley in the middle of no where and not in a public place then I think he's ok?

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:17

That's not the case in central London.

No idea. I imagine it's very dull. Am quite happy to play Russian roulette where I am, ta

starsurge · 27/03/2019 20:18

I like it when my BF walks on the outside of the pavement, or when he opens the car door for me, or when he brings me flowers "just because". I wasn't very loved as a child, or in my marriage, so its lovely when he makes those little gestures, that show that he's thinking of me as something to be looked after.

Assuming you do nice things for him too, there's definitely nothing wrong with this and I'm glad you've found someone who cares about you! The problem only arises when you expect it solely because he's a man and you're a woman.

KatharinaRosalie · 27/03/2019 20:18

how she was getting home and offer to sort it out

But why? She is able to find her house most days, right? Or is there some massive drip feed about short term memory loss coming?

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 20:19

Ah, the human race. Never meaning what they say; and never saying what they mean!

No he said what he meant.

Just to be clear, it was a turn of phrase. I just meant if I was asked to do something that was beyond being polite (i.e. You don't have to wait), and more direct, then I'd leave it at that.

So copping out again. 'Strongly insist' is a turn of phrase for strongly insisting. It's not a turn of phrase of taking a woman at her word and doing as she asks.

Being honest, I'd then think she wasn't into me though.

That's your problem. Not the problem of a woman who doesnt want a man to wait with her and doesnt want to be placed in a cab for her own safety.

If you think a woman not needing you to protect her, is sign she isnt into you, that's your issue. Not her responsibility to back down so you feel better about yourself.

If a woman not wanting you to wait with her, puts you off. Then again that's your issue. Not hers

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:19

That was what you wrote after quoting a post with that statement, stevie69!

What ARE you on about????

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:20

No he said what he meant.

How the fuck do you know? He's replied to say it was just a turn of phrase as I suggested!

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:21

Enjoy your Greggs and River Island.

Which are what exactly?

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:22

Sorry that you have one of those weird reverse-snobbery things going on and will never get to experience it.

I haven't. It just sounds dull.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 20:22

How the fuck do you know? He's replied to say it was just a turn of phrase as I suggested!

How about you read the rest of my post?

Its not a turn of phrase for anything but strongly insisting.

starsurge · 27/03/2019 20:24

What ARE you on about????

You quoted this:

And I do think many younger women are more prepared to put up with bad manners. More mature women...maybe 40 plus, expect men to act with more consideration, and getting into a cab after a date and leaving the female standing around waiting for her own cab is ...IN MY OPINION bad manners.

Added this comment:

And I agree. As did a random selection of male colleagues earlier this afternoon.

And yes, before anyone else asks ..... Yep, I can do [insert task of your choice]. I have to as there's no DH/DP in my life to do it for me.

This was the second paragraph of my reply to your comment:

With regards to your opinion that younger women are more prepared to put up with bad manners, I disagree. Old-school chivalry usually, but not always, comes with a tendency for women to defer to men when it comes to decisions, as it is in the "old days". Plenty of men still love and respect their partner these days, it's just that there is perhaps a very different dynamic when both parties are of equal standing, as opposed to when one has more "power" than the other.

And then you responded with this:

That wasn't me!

Thus, my reply of:

That was what you wrote after quoting a post with that statement, stevie69!

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:25

Flashing lights (Blackpool), music (Spotify), hundreds of different languages (the staffroom at work), theatrical costumes (any theatre), Chinatown (China), prostitutes (me on a given night!), rockers (dunno. Brighton?), journalists (every fucking where), anyone you can imagine really.

AhNowTed · 27/03/2019 20:25

OP it depends on which scenario.:.

If they'd hailed a black cab, and he jumped in and left your friend, red flag.

If he organised his own Uber without asking your friend how she was getting home or has she ordered one, jumped in and left her, he has no manners.

If they both ordered an Uber and his came first, totally normal.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/03/2019 20:26

I've never hear of the frigging CHARING CROSS FUCKING ROAD!

Monopoly board for Christmas, done.

Sashkin · 27/03/2019 20:26

Who has never heard of Charing Cross Road? Seriously?

Well to be fair if somebody has never visited London then why would they have heard of it.

@Stevie69 it's a big road, popular with tourists, that connects Trafalgar Square with Oxford Street, passing via Covent Garden and Leicester Square. Full of people, full of traffic, even late at night. Well-lit, lots of cafes and shops, most of which will have been open. Because it's busy taxis cannot stop and wait (there is CCTV, they would get fined), but there are so many people about that I can't imagine anyone getting raped there - you'd have an audience of thousands. It's possible you might meet a lairy drunk person, but not very likely if you are obviously standing waiting for a taxi, and even then there are people about.

I don't know where you live, but it's about as safe as Princes Street in Edinburgh, or outside the Trinity Centre in Leeds.

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 20:28

Flashing lights, Blackpool! 😂😂😂😂

What a weird stance to take! Suddenly London is dull??

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 27/03/2019 20:29

Who paid for the restaurant?

SkinnyPete · 27/03/2019 20:29

Its not a turn of phrase for anything but strongly insisting.

I'm getting some serious INTJ vibes here. Gonna slowly back away.

nutsfornutella · 27/03/2019 20:29

And, if you really believe all the shit that's been posted on this thread then why do we need safe female spaces at all?

Some women are more vulnerable than others- that's why! I would cope fine with a unisex loo but I support other women like the teenage girl who doesn't want a teenage boy to hear the rustle of her sanitary towel packaging or the woman who's been abused so doesn't want to be in a cubicle next to a man. The woman in the OP has money to get home, has lived in her nice part of a London for many years and has used Uber many times in the past. Unless there's a drip feed like her leg was in a cast or there was a massive rain storm when Uber 1 arrived, it sounds like she would be able to cope like most women. If they both ordered at the same time, chances are that she wasn't waiting long anyway and it's Charing X Road!!

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:29

@starsurge

Ah, yes. Got you now. I was just pointing out that it wasn't me who said it, although I am inclined to agree. I just thought that someone else could take one for the team, instead of me getting all the shit Grin

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SkinnyPete · 27/03/2019 20:29

Its not a turn of phrase for anything but strongly insisting.

I'm getting some serious INTJ vibes here. Gonna slowly back away.

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.