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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
starsurge · 27/03/2019 20:03

And yes, before anyone else asks ..... Yep, I can do [insert task of your choice].

It's not about what you can or can't do. A good majority of posters on here aren't disparaging manners. In fact, many welcome it, as long as those manners aren't shown to you solely because you're a woman. As I've mentioned upthread, if we were to use door-opening as an example, it's perfectly acceptable and appreciated if doors were held open by someone for BOTH men and women.

With regards to your opinion that younger women are more prepared to put up with bad manners, I disagree. Old-school chivalry usually, but not always, comes with a tendency for women to defer to men when it comes to decisions, as it is in the "old days". Plenty of men still love and respect their partner these days, it's just that there is perhaps a very different dynamic when both parties are of equal standing, as opposed to when one has more "power" than the other.

Sashkin · 27/03/2019 20:04

There's nothing wrong with being American! It's just that attitudes to dating and public transport are very different there, and I thought that might explain why yours were so out of kilter with the majority of Londoners. It isn't generational, I am your age and last dated in the late 90s/early 00s and nobody was getting any taxis back then, it was night buses all round unfortunately!

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 20:04

It was just his words: no need to labour the point. I'm sure that he would do as she asked.

Just his words? It's a forum. That's what he has. His words and he used the word 'strongly'. So he means 'strongly'.

That's totally different to 'if my date said 'no you go ahead or I would prefer you to go first' then I would do that's

You see the difference?

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:05

By the logic of some then women should obviously never be allowed to step out of the house without a male escort to protect them!

Not at all. But not all environments and situations are equal. I've no idea about Charing Cross Road or whatever but assume it's probably safe: London's pretty benign. But ..... we don't all live in lovely London, do we?

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:05

With regards to your opinion that younger women are more prepared to put up with bad manners, I disagree

That wasn't me!

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 20:06

The thread is about an Uber in London. 🙄🙄🙄

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 20:06

I wasn’t there OohYe and sorry if so missed this question. The thread is a bit mental. I guess she just expected him to ask how she was getting home and offer to sort it out, rather than just booking his own transport. Yes she got her own uber. I think I said that.
She didn’t mind meeting him in the restaurant which he chose. No doubt some would have an issue with that.
She said it all went very well, though she’s slightly concerned he might be a tiger parent. He is nearer to 50.

OP posts:
Kennehora · 27/03/2019 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:07

Just his words? It's a forum. That's what he has. His words and he used the word 'strongly'. So he means 'strongly'

Ah, the human race. Never meaning what they say; and never saying what they mean!

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:07

Sadly for you, no

What's sad about it?

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

funnylittlefloozie · 27/03/2019 20:08

I like it when my BF walks on the outside of the pavement, or when he opens the car door for me, or when he brings me flowers "just because". I wasn't very loved as a child, or in my marriage, so its lovely when he makes those little gestures, that show that he's thinking of me as something to be looked after.

HOWEVER, i am more than capable of ordering my own Uber and getting myself to and from dates on my own.

SoHotADragonRetired · 27/03/2019 20:08

the consequences for a woman of a street attack (while rare, I know) are life changing

  1. if she was waiting for her own Uber more than two minutes, I'll eat my fucking hat
  2. it was the CHARING CROSS ROAD. Not a Bethnal Green back alley. How the fuck do you think women get around at all if they can't possibly spend two minutes alone without being sexually assaulted on a thoroughfare full of tourist and foot traffic?
Kennehora · 27/03/2019 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:09

The thread is about an Uber in London.

Is it. Fuck me : I've completely lost the plot Shock

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:10

it was the CHARING CROSS ROAD.

I've never hear of the frigging CHARING CROSS FUCKING ROAD!

Proudirishnotpaddy · 27/03/2019 20:10

Where the hell is it the dates responsibility to call a cab and pay for it for the woman to get home? And send a cab for the next day?

Some women are bloody pathetic.

Get your own Uber account. Sort your own shit

SkinnyPete · 27/03/2019 20:11

Just his words?

Just to be clear, it was a turn of phrase. I just meant if I was asked to do something that was beyond being polite (i.e. You don't have to wait), and more direct, then I'd leave it at that.

Being honest, I'd then think she wasn't into me though. I've never faced this situation though, so it's hard to say. Same with dinner dates, I offer to get the check, but won't argue if there's beyond being polite push back. I guess I'm a monster.

funnylittlefloozie · 27/03/2019 20:11

Who has never heard of Charing Cross Road? Seriously?

AhhhHereItGoes · 27/03/2019 20:12

I've never had a man call a cab for me without asking if he could first, whether at College, a nightclub, his house, a public place except my now DH, though as a 20 year old I doubt it would've crossed his mind.

However, if I was out with a guy friend or partner they'd text to see if was back ok/ had a good night - like I do for them.

I use the same logic I'd use for a male friend.

The ten item checklist if more than 2 are ticked, I will stay with them, otherwise I'd treat them like fully grown adults.

  1. Are they very drunk?
  2. Have they been mixing their drinks?
  3. Are they in an area they do not know well?
  4. Are they going to be in a dangerous area whether crime, uneven paths etc?
  5. Are they going to be able to get phone signal/have they got money in case they get stuck?
  6. Do they have a disability or medical condition that could make either seeing potential danger or dealing with it difficult?
  7. Are they over 18 and therefore not being left in my care or supervised by me?
  8. Do they struggle with boundaries or socially interacting so for example struggle to say no to others or not pick up on signs they are being followed?
  9. Have they been victim to a crime before and could that crime be relevant to my choosing to leave them (mugged in an alley, groped outside a nightclub etc)?
10. Do I feel in any way the person would be uneasy me leaving them?

I think it can be hard and it's nice if someone offers to wait if they can but not everyone thinks the same way.

I would find him expecting her to come to him when there has been radio silence a little cheeky though.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:12

Sorry if you live somewhere that a woman can't be outdoors for a few minutes without being raped or kidnapped

Thank you. I mean, you were being sincere, weren't you?

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starsurge · 27/03/2019 20:14

And I agree. As did a random selection of male colleagues earlier this afternoon.

That was what you wrote after quoting a post with that statement, stevie69!

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:15

Just to be clear, it was a turn of phrase.

I know. I tried to tell 'em that and look where it got me. Pffft! Still, if I can't handle the bile on here, then I may as well give up now.

KatharinaRosalie · 27/03/2019 20:15

well if it’s actually not possible to get two Uber’s at the same time, then most men would do this

I would not be comfortable giving my home address to someone I just met. Which is what one would be doing if you take an Uber on someone else's account.