Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe · 27/03/2019 19:50

And to me, the only bad manners in this scenario is expecting to have your cab ride booked and paid for!

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 19:51

Jesus Christ. No... We are just grown women who don't expect the men folk to carry us delicately through our door ways after a date.

Yeah, but you (the MN community in general) kinda do. The amount of neurotic outpouring when your DP/DH forgets your birthday/goes out with his mates on mothers' day/doesn't bring you flowers, etc, etc, is everywhere.

Most of us like to be looked after at least some of the time. And I would appreciate a date that at least showed some interest in how I was going to get home after a night out. I think it's good manners and I don't perceive that I'm harming he women's cause by thinking so.

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 19:51

How are the lady brains coping with Brexit op? Kittens are a good thing to think about if you're tempted to worry about something meaningful and heavy.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 19:51

Hmmm.....OK then, stay safe.

You think a man seeing you into a can helps you stay safe?

If a date strongly insisted that I don't wait to see her off first, then I'd respect her wishes. It wouldn't stop my default behaviour to do that in the first place.

Why does she have to strongly insist? Why cant you just do as she asks?

The point is you explaining your default behaviour by saying 'evolution' is bollocks and a cop out for toxic Male behaviour.

You default behaviour is just that. A learned social behaviour. Nothing to do with evolution

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 19:51

And to me, the only bad manners in this scenario is expecting to have your cab ride booked and paid for!

No, I don't expect to have it booked or paid for. But it would be good if he saw that I left first.

GabsAlot · 27/03/2019 19:52

yes actually youre right there @sashkin

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 19:52

Most of us like to be looked after at least some of the time. And I would appreciate a date that at least showed some interest in how I was going to get home after a night out. I think it's good manners and I don't perceive that I'm harming he women's cause by thinking so."
Completely agree but in my world it would be a two way thing. So I wouldn't go first because I'm female. Most of us like to be looked after. Not just those of us with ovaries, surely?

TacoLover · 27/03/2019 19:53

If they find they can’t sort another Uber, then get a mini cab, black cab, bus, tube etc. Loads of options available. Or wander round for 15 mins till she’s home and then he can get an uber anyway.

There is nothing more fucking annoying than a woman who thinks a man should bend over backwards doing something that she is just as able to do because she has a vagina. Fuck your 'norms' and 'basic manners' OP. Why should a man have to wander around at night for 15 minutes for no reason? And why should he have given his cab to your friend? She should've booked one faster if she wanted one to come before hisHmmsome people are so bloody entitled.

Halloumimuffin · 27/03/2019 19:53

A man is at far greater risk on a busy central london street than a woman is, so if anything she should be booking his cab.

user1480880826 · 27/03/2019 19:53

Why on earth do you think a grown woman needs a man to call a cab for her? Did the last 50 years not happen?

Also, if he’s arranged an Uber then he’s essentially pre-arranged a driver to take him to a specific place. If he gives his Uber to her he would have to faff around changing the destination via the app AND he would have had to pay for her ride because it would be his account.

It wasn’t a dangerous area, she can book her own cab, she should pay for her own cab.

Old fashioned views about how men should do things for women are extremely insulting and do nothing to further equality.

Dairyqueen2 · 27/03/2019 19:53

Maybe it's a class thing. I'm thinking OP must be very posh. Public transport just isn't on the radar at all.
(+ Chelsea and Hampstead!!)

ChanandlerBongsLeftShoe · 27/03/2019 19:53

The amount of neurotic outpouring when your DP/DH forgets your birthday/goes out with his mates on mothers' day/doesn't bring you flowers, etc, etc, is everywhere

What you describe is the same for either member of a relationship, whether they are male or female. It would be just as bad of me to forget DHs birthday as it would be for him to forget mine.

Yet in this scenario it's only bad manners if the man doesn't do XY or Z not if the woman doesn't?

That's the difference.

FinallyHere · 27/03/2019 19:54

If they had gone home by tube, would you have expected to buy her ticket ?

He has now invited her to his home. The location is not convenient. She could suggest they meet somewhere more convenient.....

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 19:54

Why does she have to strongly insist? Why cant you just do as she asks?

It was just his words: no need to labour the point. I'm sure that he would do as she asked.

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 19:54

If rather be a lower class grown up than a middle class incompetent idiot

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 19:55

I’m not American Confused. One of the friends meeting today was, but she was the one saying let it go and give the guy a chance. The friend going on the date is part-British, as am I, but I’d feel the same whatever country I was in.

Anyway, she listened to MN! She just wasn’t sure. If we were all the same if would be boring wouldn’t it?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 19:55

A large proportion of us find it belittling and insulting. Do us the courtesy, since you're so big on manners, of acknowledging that and changing your ways.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 19:56

A man is at far greater risk on a busy central london street than a woman is, so if anything she should be booking his cab.

He's at greater risk. Agreed. But any potential consequences are likely to be less devastating and life changing for him. I mentioned that in an earlier post.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 27/03/2019 19:56

Why shoudl be wait? Shes a grown ass woman. Plus uber is connected to his address and account, she couldnt have taken his cab! It was London and not a secluded area. Shes being a bit precious

OohYeBelter47 · 27/03/2019 19:57

@wheelycote Could be have taken her in his uber and dropped her then go on to his and split the fares

^ That would be dangerous to let a first date know your address

OP you haven't said what her plan was to get home (unless I've missed it), had she called an uber or mini cab (and it was just that his arrived first)? or was she just standing there like a lemon waiting to see what he would do? I can see loads of people have asked you this but I haven't seen a reply.

WheelyCote · 27/03/2019 19:58

I'm a grown woman. Can take care of and handle all tasks. If there's something I can't do....I work harder to be able to bring the service in. Don't rely on anyone

BUT when it comes to romance, I like chivalry and it makes a difference.

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 19:59

Do you like men to think you need them to carry out basic tasks

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:01

What you describe is the same for either member of a relationship, whether they are male or female. It would be just as bad of me to forget DHs birthday as it would be for him to forget mine.

Yep, not arguing

Yet in this scenario it's only bad manners if the man doesn't do XY or Z not if the woman doesn't?

Yep, because the consequences for a woman of a street attack (while rare, I know) are life changing. Are you gonna tell me that me getting sexually assaulted is on a par with my male date having his wallet nicked?

And, if you really believe all the shit that's been posted on this thread then why do we need safe female spaces at all? There's plenty of talk on MN about that. Let's just use the same toilet facilities, the same changing facilities and so on. Everyone OK with that? I'm not!

Sirzy · 27/03/2019 20:02

By the logic of some then women should obviously never be allowed to step out of the house without a male escort to protect them!

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 20:02

Do you like men to think you need them to carry out basic tasks

No. But I'm happy for them to carry out the basic tasks so that I can do something more stimulating.