He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

[Jalila07]

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

Hmmm.....OK then, stay safe.

Blue assuming it's a first date with someone I don't know much at all, I'd say both walk home alone to avoid giving address to Potentially Cray Cray Person.

If someone I know better, I'd offer to walk with them either way, me accompany them to their door or other way round, doesn't matter. But I'd only say it if I wanted to chat more and assuming it's a short walk between the places!

Number 19 bus from Cambridge Circus, stop B, goes to Chelsea. King's Road/Beaufort Street, IIRC.

For a second date, if she goes to Charing Cross, she can take the Northern Line to Hampstead.

It's what most middleaged people do in London - look after themselves without expecting others to do it for them.

Safe like showing a virtual stranger where I live?

I prefer my brand of safe, thanks.

The most important question surely is 'did she like him'?
If so, then there's no problem - she can always tell him that next time she would prefer he wait with her.

I wouldn't expect a cab to Hampstead but agree might be a PITA to get to rather than somewhere more central.
Think I'd expect him to wait for my cab to arrive and he then call one for himself. To me it's those little things that show consideration.

Eh? Load of crapsticks.

Rosa....I guess it would depend on the area you were in, there is no way I would walk through parts of Manchester on my own, if I were dating and my date left me high and dry it would be the last date.

It's personal choice whether a woman would welcome the male seeing she is safely home or in a cab ...some obviously find it condescending, others simply see it as caring and mannerly.

Happily we dont all expect the same.

Night all, it was a good discussion to introduce me to this website.grin]

There are norms.

Most people.

Normally.

Just get in the sea OP.

(She's definitely an escort)

Are you American, OP? Because if you are, US dating is completely different to UK dating, both in terms of who pays for what, and where it is acceptable to invite somebody on 2nd, 3rd dates. The UK is much more relaxed, and it is completely normal to split costs or take it in turns from the very beginning. The venue can also be much more relaxed - going for a walk on Hampstead Heath followed by a drink in the pub, or even just going to the pub, is a perfectly acceptable low-key second date here and the formal US dinner date is much less common. The Rules was seen as absolutely hilarious when it was published over here (literally a joke book that people bought to read out loud and laugh at), whereas I know quite a few Americans who stick to it rigidly even now.

If you are American, date other Americans who will understand your unspoken expectations. If you aren't... date an American anyway, I guess? Or somebody sustantially older (60-75) who might be looking for a trophy wife who he can treat like an exquisite jewel and not an equal person. People your own age looking for trophy wives will probably be looking for somebody younger with no children, unfortunately.

*MitziK

Number 19 bus from Cambridge Circus, stop B, goes to Chelsea. King's Road/Beaufort Street, IIRC.*

I dont think OP's dear friend is up for riding on the peasant wagon.

you have to be a bit careful sometimes and think about what you may be getting into

In this case, not an Uber...

It's noticeable that the people who are getting most arsy are the ones who dont agree with traditional good manners...very telling.

Unfortunately, BlueSaphire, since men unrelated to you have undoubtedly seen your ankles, you are not a lady, and can't expect these courtesies from men.

I'm afraid I shall now have to cease our correspondence, as my DH doesn't feel you're a suitable acquaintance for me.

*If you insist on putting your date in a cab, dispute her not wanting you to, then its toxic Male behaviour.

Excusing it with 'cause evolution' is even worse. *

If a date strongly insisted that I don't wait to see her off first, then I'd respect her wishes. It wouldn't stop my default behaviour to do that in the first place.

And I do think many younger women are more prepared to put up with bad manners. More mature women...maybe 40 plus, expect men to act with more consideration, and getting into a cab after a date and leaving the female standing around waiting for her own cab is ...IN MY OPINION bad manners.

And I agree. As did a random selection of male colleagues earlier this afternoon.

And yes, before anyone else asks ..... Yep, I can do [insert task of your choice]. I have to as there's no DH/DP in my life to do it for me.

Mitzi if we're doing route-planning, I'd get the Overground from the end of King's Road to Hampstead Heath.

But yes, the idea of getting on public transport seems to be too shocking to contemplate (reinforcing my impression that OP is American), so it's a moot point.

It's noticeable that the people who are getting most arsy are the ones who dont agree with traditional good manners...very telling

Jesus Christ. No... We are just grown women who don't expect the men folk to carry us delicately through our door ways after a date.

Should have escorted her to bed and tucked her in as well?

If a date strongly insisted that I don't wait to see her off first, then I'd respect her wishes. It wouldn't stop my default behaviour to do that in the first place.

Perfect . Can't see a fault with that at all.

"myrtleWilson

There must be gay men stuck on first dates that actually started in 2003 still saying "after you" "no you take this cab" "no I insist in any very gentlemanly manner " if as some posters are inferring it is the height of ill manners for a gentleman not to ensure his date is safely home..."
They decided to walk and have been locked in the" walk you home" "no ill walk you home" madness ever since.

This thread reminds me of when mn set up its feminist board. They started a thread to tell us all about it and I said I'd join assuming DH let me. I made aitchs roundup for that [proud]

im in my forties and dated in the nighties-i think one person took me home once

my now dh lived in wales and i travelled up there on my own i dont thnink he would have paid for a cab really

london is fine even on the charing cross road i used to walk through it at night as a teen

Perhaps the Uber app has been updated and can now only be operated with a penis? Penile print? Like a finger print but with the end of your helmet?

Back in this reality, I have never expected a man to do anything for me. That includes ordering my own taxis, carrying my own bags, opening my own doors etc. If someone does something kind for me I say thank you. I never demand it though. Also I can safely say that if a fight broke out in front of me and DH, I would certainly be able to handle myself better than he would.

I have to as there's no DH/DP in my life to do it for me

Do you realise how sad this sounds. You HAVE to do these things for yourself because there's no men around to do them for you?

And I'm not surprised your colleagues agree. Men and women have been conditioned to think that this is the right way to do things but I thought we were starting to successfully move on from this way of thinking to a more y'know...equal footing.

Or is this one of the usual cases of equality only being applicable when it involves something you don't like?

You're thinking of tinder. Not the same as uber :o

my now dh lived in wales and i traveled up there on my own. i don't think he would have paid for a cab really

No for that distance only chartering a helicopter would make any sense.

.