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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
WheelyCote · 27/03/2019 19:12

Rosa. Really.

winsinbin · 27/03/2019 19:13

I think the polite thing to do would be for him to have waited to order his Uber until she had got in hers. If he is that offhand on the first date I wouldn’t be interested in a second date.

OTH he obviously has a few bob if he can afford to get an Uber from CCR to Hampstead which might entice me to give him a second chance....or perhaps he just has more money than sense since a tube would be a lot quicker and cost about £2.50.

Thisnamechanger · 27/03/2019 19:13

Ok, after that response I’m definitely calling it

Same. Funny though.

BlueSaphire · 27/03/2019 19:13

I meant less able to handle it than HE would. /\

SkinnyPete · 27/03/2019 19:13

it sounds like a cop out for toxic Male behaviour because it is.

I'm sorry, but I just don't see how waiting for a my date to catch her ride home before me is toxic male behaviour.

donquixotedelamancha · 27/03/2019 19:15

Ok, after that response I’m definitely calling it.

OP has no posting history. I think IT's been obvious for about 200 posts. I don't mind the ones like this where it's actually fun.

Thing is- some people on this thread probably really do think this way.

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 19:15

There must be gay men stuck on first dates that actually started in 2003 still saying "after you" "no you take this cab" "no I insist in any very gentlemanly manner

Snort! 😂

@Blue I can assure you if anything “breaks out” I can manage to get into an Uber myself. We have no reason to assume other women don’t have that same amazing skill...

Thisnamechanger · 27/03/2019 19:16

I think the polite thing to do would be for him to have waited to order his Uber until she had got in hers

Nah fuck that Ubers are like gold dust round there at night. There's usually a ten minute wait and half the bastards cancel on you Grin

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 19:17

I'm sorry, but I just don't see how waiting for a my date to catch her ride home before me is toxic male behaviour.

No, you don’t. Nor are you willing to actually think about it. So yeah, bog standard misogynist, really. I do hope you’re not single. Inflicting yourself on one woman is bad enough.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 19:17

then most men would do this -

You know most men?

OP please answer this

Is your friend an escort?

Does she have hands?

starsurge · 27/03/2019 19:17

After all the gentlemanliness, OP, I sure hope the woman follows up with being a lady by staying at home, catering to his every need, and most importantly, being seen and not heard whenever he has business associates over for dinner!

BlueSaphire · 27/03/2019 19:17

IvanaP….you cant get in the uber if hasn't arrived yet can you?

RosaWaiting · 27/03/2019 19:18

Wheely sorry, I was laughing so hard at previous responses, I didn't compute yours properly!

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 19:19

If I’d ordered it at the same time as him and was standing at Charring Cross, mine would be following swiftly behind. And even if it wasn’t, there are plenty of options to keep myself away from all these riots breaking out!

WheelyCote · 27/03/2019 19:19

EH!!!!!

Has Mumsnet finally lost the plot

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 19:21

Omg. Why do people need to be so extreme about everything? How did we get onto evolution? Nobody is disputing that women can’t get themselves home from anywhere. Who said that? The point is that when you’re on a date there a certain norms and you have to be a bit careful sometimes and think about what you may be getting into. In other words, look at what they do, not what they say. We all have our own radar for such things. Obviously radars vary, but that’s ok.

Anyway, I do hope it works out for her because she deserves it.

OP posts:
burritofan · 27/03/2019 19:22

you have to be a bit careful sometimes and think about what you may be getting into
In this case, not an Uber...

KittyDee · 27/03/2019 19:23

This is silly. Uber’s don’t work like normal cabs at a cab stand - you just get in when it arrives . And presumably they were in a busy place and hers was on the way. I don’t think he did anything wrong.

And Hampstead is a lovely place- I’d definitely be up for a visit!

BlueSaphire · 27/03/2019 19:24

IvanaPee Wed 27-Mar-19 19:19:11
If I’d ordered it at the same time as him and was standing at Charring Cross, mine would be following swiftly behind. And even if it wasn’t, there are plenty of options to keep myself away from all these riots breaking out!

….
Good for you, and if you were in a situation where the only option was to be walking home late at night would you expect your date to see you safely home, walk alone or walk him home?

SilverySurfer · 27/03/2019 19:25

Blackbooty
I don’t know why, but I find it really irritating when posters relay what their DH thinks. I suppose it always comes across as so smug.

I totally agree and I can just imagine them calling their wife 'the little woman' [boak]

Well OP you're still persisting with this nonsense despite 90% disagreeing, so I'm off.

Oh wait.... do I need a man to escort me off the thread? I may fall down the gap if I try to do it all by myself Hmm

SkinnyPete · 27/03/2019 19:25

No, you don’t. Nor are you willing to actually think about it. So yeah, bog standard misogynist, really. I do hope you’re not single. Inflicting yourself on one woman is bad enough

Well, misogynist is a first for me. Thank you for your kind words highlighting my abhorrent tendencies.

SilverySurfer · 27/03/2019 19:26

Shame more men don't read MN - if the bloke read this thread he would be running for the hills.

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 19:27

Good for you, and if you were in a situation where the only option was to be walking home late at night would you expect your date to see you safely home, walk alone or walk him home?

Er...walk alone. Confused

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 19:28

I'm sorry, but I just don't see how waiting for a my date to catch her ride home before me is toxic male behaviour.

I didn't say it was.

I said the very few studies blaming high testosterone for Male 'protectiveness' and jealousy are a cop out for toxic Male behaviour.

Protectiveness and jealous are often where abuse comes from.

If you insist on putting your date in a cab, dispute her not wanting you to, then its toxic Male behaviour.

Excusing it with 'cause evolution' is even worse.

You are telling a woman

I know best

You arent safe unless I am here

I am not bothered by what you would like

starsurge · 27/03/2019 19:29

The point is that when you’re on a date there a certain norms and you have to be a bit careful sometimes and think about what you may be getting into.

And the point most people are making is that strict gender roles aren't something to be applauded and encouraged. As I've mentioned numerous times upthread, you can have manners of course, but those manners have to work both ways.

Besides, following your "dating norms", what happens in the case of lesbians/gays? Do both women hang around on the pavement because there's no one there to call them a cab? Do both men take turns sending each other to their respective doorsteps in an endless loop until they pass out from exhaustion or run out of cab money?

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