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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:

burritofan · 27/03/2019 19:02

OP, do you and your friend have Oyster cards?

WheelyCote · 27/03/2019 19:02

Could be have taken her in his uber and dropped her then go on to his and split the fares.

My dp would never have left me out on a street no matter how busy or old it was or I am.

BlueSaphire · 27/03/2019 19:03

It's noticeable that the people who are getting most arsy are the ones who dont agree with traditional good manners...very telling..

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 19:03

In fairness I think old pete said he was a man. I don't know why that would make you assume he has a penis? Try to be more inclusive in your comments :-)

😂😂 my apologies!

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 19:03

Blue, please, please explain how it’s good manners because you haven’t yet managed to say why you think that.

RosaWaiting · 27/03/2019 19:04

Galactic "Depends on the app I guess"

and the penis.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/03/2019 19:05

She’s doesn’t even need an Oyster card, just a contactless card... tbf I reckon he would be judged for getting her an Uber rather than a lux or Addison Lee.

donquixotedelamancha · 27/03/2019 19:07

Galactic "Depends on the app I guess"
and the penis.

Frankly, if he's got a prehensile penis, I think she should be willing to travel to Hampstead.

MsHopey · 27/03/2019 19:07

On the other hand, it could also just be that he knows a really nice place he wants to treat her to, so let’s hope this is the case.

Absolutely love the fact he didn't physically put her in her cab and pay for it was a red flag and clearly showed how rude he was, but the assumption hes going to buy her dinner again means shes going to give it another go 😂
I hope he makes her go Dutch.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 19:08

No, but testosterone and the influence it has on male behaviour has. Protection is a subconscious behaviour.

Hmmm no its not. It's a learned social behaviour. One that's quite damaging.

Theres a couple of studies that suggest high testosterone can make men more protective......or jealous......it sounds like a cop out for toxic Male behaviour because it is.

Not all men have high testosterone. Not all men who are protective have high testosterone. Some men have high testosterone and still treat women as equals. All men who treat women as equals do not have low testosterone.

I mean jesus, has feminism some how lower mens hormone levels in 100 years? Because now more men dont act sexist?
That's cause testosterone levels have dramatically decreased?

Thisnamechanger · 27/03/2019 19:08

send a cab oh my life 😂😂😂😂😂

I had a regular booty call on the other side of the city (£30 Uber). We used to take it in turns. reminices

ittakes2 · 27/03/2019 19:08

Ubers are not like cabs. I think if she had an issue maybe it’s him that has dodged a bullet!

SaltedCaramels · 27/03/2019 19:08

My now DH did this on our second date - or maybe worse, he was offered a lift and took it, so disappeared in a flash, leaving me to walk to the bus stop (we lived in different directions). Was a bit pissed off for a few minutes, but love being an independent woman - so no big deal.

Original poster

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 19:09

Ivana - well if it’s actually not possible to get two Uber’s at the same time, then most men would do this -

-Ask the date if they wouid like an Uber or black cab
-Book it
-Either share it and add an ongoing destination after you’ve dropped her off (if going in similar directions and she felt comfortable with that). Or find out if they could get a second uber for themselves.
-If they find they can’t sort another Uber, then get a mini cab, black cab, bus, tube etc. Loads of options available. Or wander round for 15 mins till she’s home and then he can get an uber anyway.

OP posts:

tinytemper66 · 27/03/2019 19:09

I just love a thread like this... like a gift that keeps on giving!

WheelyCote · 27/03/2019 19:09

Jessgalinda.....guessing that's at me. Not sure what your point is

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 19:09

It's noticeable that the people who are getting most arsy are the ones who dont agree with traditional good manners...very telling.

I notice the ones who cant give any reasoning for their opinion are the ones who think it's good manners.

Very telling!

RosaWaiting · 27/03/2019 19:09

WheelyCote "My dp would never have left me out on a street no matter how busy or old it was or I am"

wait, what?

this thread is making me weep with laughter.

Thisnamechanger · 27/03/2019 19:10

This is my favorite thread for ages. Up there with screaming at artwork. Thanks for the laughs OP, your friend is insane.

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 19:10

Ok, after that response I’m definitely calling it.

donquixotedelamancha · 27/03/2019 19:11

Ivana - well if it’s actually not possible to get two Uber’s at the same time, then most men would do this -
-Ask the date if they wouid like an Uber or black cab
-Book it
-Either share it and add an ongoing destination after you’ve dropped her off (if going in similar directions and she felt comfortable with that). Or find out if they could get a second uber for themselves.
-If they find they can’t sort another Uber, then get a mini cab, black cab, bus, tube etc. Loads of options available. Or wander round for 15 mins till she’s home and then he can get an uber anyway.

Or she just orders her own uber.

One of these two plans is probably easier.

BrusselPout · 27/03/2019 19:11

No, I wouldn't see him again either. I have standards, and it's just common courtesy not to leave your date standing like a lemon on the side of the road to swan off on your merry way unless you are female

I've corrected it for you, it now reads like the 1950s nonsense it is.

RosaWaiting · 27/03/2019 19:11

donquixote "Frankly, if he's got a prehensile penis, I think she should be willing to travel to Hampstead."

I don't, but that's my idea of a horror film!

myrtleWilson · 27/03/2019 19:12

There must be gay men stuck on first dates that actually started in 2003 still saying "after you" "no you take this cab" "no I insist in any very gentlemanly manner " if as some posters are inferring it is the height of ill manners for a gentleman not to ensure his date is safely home...

BlueSaphire · 27/03/2019 19:12

IvanaPee Wed 27-Mar-19 19:03:45
Blue, please, please explain how it’s good manners because you haven’t yet managed to say why you think that.

Because the man should take care of his date imo,
Not because the woman is stupid or helpless, but because leaving her stood out on the street late at night, if any trouble started, she presumably would be less able to handle it than she would.

If they were in walking distance would the woman walk home alone or walk the man home ?

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