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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 18:42

I went out for lunch with colleagues today. On the way back one man walked through the door I was holding open. Very refreshing. His manners, btw are excellent, he just applies them to men and women equally. Because he thinks we're equal presumably.

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 18:43

I am ungobby and northern. And look after myself because I am an adult.

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 18:43

I am gobby and northern and can order a cab and an uber and use public transport all on my own.

I dont get the relevance though

goldangel · 27/03/2019 18:44

It would have been rude if he got in a BLACK cab before your friend but it wasn't a case of flagging down black cabs and him jumping in first, Uber it's a different set up so I get it.

It was also a first date, my DH wouldn't have wanted to go first but I would have insisted as I'm an adult.

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slipperywhensparticus · 27/03/2019 18:44

It would depend if he asked me if I was ok waiting alone that shows a caring attitude and I would go on a second date

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 18:46

Am I the only non gpbby one?
And agree I'd expect him to say something along the lines of "will you get home OK?" "is yours far behind?" not just leap on saying "bye bye sucker!"

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 18:46

If you can't figure it out what I'm saying, don't you worry your pretty little head about it!

My head is pretty. My head is also capable of ordering an uber myself.

It can also work out you are full of shit and use human evolution as a get out clause when you can not explain or back up your opinion.

since you couldnt answer the question

Pluckedpencil · 27/03/2019 18:47

I don't know a single decent bloke who'd leave a woman standing on her own waiting for a cab. It might be old fashioned. Don't care, most polite and well brought up men would have the empathy to know this looks like you don't really give a toss. That is my opinion anyway!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 27/03/2019 18:47

My courting days are long behind me but even 10 years ago when online dating there was still a surprising percentage of women who seemed to go in to BBC period drama mode when on a date. It was a bit weird witnessing otherwise capable well paid professionals suddenly become incapable of buying a drink or taking the lead.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 18:47

Can I just make it clear that she’s not going to his house and that wasn’t ever on the cards or what we were talking about. I know she won’t do that.

This was just a concern that we were discussing at lunch today. Maybe you had to be there, I don’t know? But if I’m absolutely honest, I can think of one man I know - DH, any of his friends, neighbours, friends’ DHs, my brothers, not anyone - who wouldn’t put their date into a cab first at the end of a date. No matter what people say on here, that kind of behaviour would be unusual for people in their 40s or at least all the ones I know, which is a fair few. Admittedly, very few of us are on the dating scene, but still. Some things you just know from experience. Otherwise why wouid we think it was worth posting?

OP posts:
SkinnyPete · 27/03/2019 18:48

since you couldnt answer the question

I detected a mansplaining trap and didn't want to spring it.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 18:48

Am I the only non gpbby one?

Ah so you are the one ungobby northerner....I think I know you in rl Grin

In all seriousness, I dont think my gobbiness has anything to do with where I was born. Or if you can use an uber app.

BlueSaphire · 27/03/2019 18:48

The gobby and northern remark was a joke....responding to gobbynortherngirl.

Blimey, lighten up people. Grin

adulthumanwolf · 27/03/2019 18:49

Still can't quite figure out why this woman stood there like a lemon without sorting her own transport. Maybe she has no Uber app? No phone? No hands?

Tbf my DP walks on the road side of the pavement, not because of some outdated notion, but because I'm clumsy and don't pat attention and have occasionally fallen into the road, mainly after a few gins.

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 18:49

Plucked ah so it's all about keeping up appearances and doing what you think others expect. Horse shit in other words

starsurge · 27/03/2019 18:51

I think a simple example would be door-holding. If you routinely hold doors open for men and women? Fantastic! Keep it up! If you hold doors open ONLY for women? Not so fantastic. Manners are wonderful, don't get me wrong. What irks people though, is when these manners are shown to someone solely on the basis of gender.

StealthPolarBear · 27/03/2019 18:51

"
Tbf my DP walks on the road side of the pavement, not because of some outdated notion, but because I'm clumsy and don't pat attention and have occasionally fallen into the road, mainly after a few gins."
And that's perfectly valid, if a little odd :) to each according to need, rather than genitals

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 18:51

Why are people still posting when penis-wielders have given their opinions?

Silly women!

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 18:52

@OP, do you understand Uber? Since you’ve used it a lot?

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 18:52

DH, any of his friends, neighbours, friends’ DHs, my brothers, not anyone - who wouldn’t put their date into a cab first at the end of a date

Really? Even if the women clearly says she is fine? That would fuck me off. Hope they dont find themseleves single.

It doesnt matter what the men in your life would do. It's the fact that she is offended he didn't. And also is whinging that he wouldn't send a car for their date at the weekend. And clearly none of the men in your life use uber.

If she felt unsafe she could have said 'do you mind if I jump in your car and drop me on the way' or ' do you mind if I order first?'

She has a mouth and can speak up if she wants something.

I detected a mansplaining trap and didn't want to spring it.

No, full of shit. Uber nor public transport have been around long enough to impact evolution.

SoHotADragonRetired · 27/03/2019 18:54

Well, this thread has taken a turn for the entertaining, not least because some of the people in it are plainly insane. (It doesn't bother you, BlueSaphire, that your examples of standard behaviour hail from literally a century ago?)