He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

[Jalila07]

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

She couldn't have been that impressed with him if the cabs a deal breaker anyway x

Its called Good manners.....the man looks after his date in this situation.

Why?

SkinnyPete Wed 27-Mar-19 17:57:53
I'm early 40s and would never consider leaving a date to wait for a taxi/lift and shoot off before her.

Perhaps that makes me on old fashioned misogynistic patriarch. Very few f*s given however.

My OH agrees with you Pete. (I asked him)

Ivana in fairness if men are mugged they can fight people of with their penis. Oh no, my mistake, that's rubbish

Stealth

Your friend is the red flag here.

I might expect a fully grown adult to wait for a teenager to get in their cab (especially if the teen isn't confident around London) but she's a grown woman and it's 2019! If she was on crutches or something then it'd be polite to wait.

With regards to the Hampstead meet up- why not? As long as he travels to her neck of the woods for date 3.

It does make you misogynistic. What is it about me that makes me less capable or self reliant than you? Please do answer.

Not RTFT but WTF would he have to book her own cab? I would find that more weird giving him my details and expecting him to pay my cab? Surely that’s good if he’s willing to have her to his place to see?

Who do you keep saying "most people"? Who are you referring to? Your small group of friends?

90% of Mumsnet thinks it's bizarre to expect a man to pay for you to get home.

And I admit that the idea of escorts or sugar daddies came to mind, because I've never even considered that anyone else should PAY for me to get home after a date. It's all very 1950.

Ok so am I the only person imagining he's Paddington based on FenellaMaxwell ? Anyone?

Was he wearing a duffel coat and the date involved marmalade sandwiches?

I do think maybe this is a generational thing, as some PPs have said.

I'm the same generation as you and your idea that this would be perceived as normal is shocking to me. I can't imagine my (75 YO) mum expecting this, but I think my Nan would have thought it normal when she was a lass.

when did it become normal to slate women for expecting basic manners?

Why would you post on AIBU if you didn't want people to comment on your OP?

Manners are social expectations that we all agree on. Your expectations are very unusual. You are being slated because people perceive this viewpoint to stem from sexism and entitlement.

@BlueSaphire how does one ring an Uber?

Pay or arrange actually. What if she wanted to go somewhere else but didn't want him to know. I find the arranging more annoying than the paying actially

Oh and for the record I'm 40. I consider the heydey of equality the late 90s. All downhill from there

IvanaPee Wed 27-Mar-19 18:11:00
Its called Good manners.....the man looks after his date in this situation.

Why?

……………………………………….

Possibly because men can look after themselves physically better than women can (generally)
Why are women and children allowed of ships before able bodied men?
Why do men traditionally walk on the outside of a pavement?
Why do men buy flowers for their girlfriends?

It's not compulsory, some men like to act like gents others dont.
Some women like it some dont care.

but when did it become normal to slate women for expecting basic manners?
But this goes beyond basic manners – you/she are calling it a red flag that he won't send private transport to take her on a second date to a place where the tube goes! How does your friend ordinarily get around London?

Anyway, the first date problem could have been easily solved by hopping in the Uber with him. Seal the deal asap, he lives in Hampstead

Ahh... Common courtesy only applies to women don't you know!

I highly doubt your friend would have offered to wait for his taxi if roles were reversed or pay his fare.

What year are we in?! I don't need escorting home like a delicate little petal. Especially not in busy central London.

And I'm assuming he just suggested meeting in Hampstead rather than demanded it? In which case, is your friend not capable of suggesting elsewhere or are you going to tell us it's common for dates to read our minds now too.

Honestly she sounds like a nightmare!

Its called Good manners.....the man looks after his date in this situation.

@BlueSaphire but my question was why. Why would it be good manners one way but not the other? Why does the man 'look after his date'?

You clearly think this is some universal expectation, but most of us think it's very odd. It seems reasonable to provide at least a cursory explanation of why it should be the case.

Yes all of that is bollocks. I'd hate it if DH walked on the outside of the pavement, why? I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, apart from the caring we do for each other, as part of a married couple. But I don't need help walking along the bloody pavement and it actually makes me really angry that anyone would assume I did.

@stealthpolarbear It does make you misogynistic.

If I waited for a date to be safely on her way, because I thought the poor wench was entirely incapable of seeing herself home safely, then you may have a point.

However, as my actions are usually down to either being nice, polite or in some ways just a result of my upbringing and possibly some genetics (after all, hormones do influence behaviour - read, not control!), then I'm gonna say misogyny is a little bit of a stretch.

Actually the crinoline /can thing has happened to me a few times. Lightbulb moment, swapping with DH would totally fix it

gobbynorthernbird Wed 27-Mar-19 18:15:27
@BlueSaphire how does one ring an Uber?

It's just a turn of phrase gobby...and I am gobby and northern myself, so dont start with me.

So don't you expect niceness and politeness back? But you can't both be the last to leave? So do you just leave thinking how rudeshe was?