He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

[Jalila07]

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

I would never expect a date (especially in the first few dates) to pay my fare home. If we were going in a similar direction and shared part of the journey, then very possibly would let the date pay, but I'd try and insist on paying half. I'd also have sorted my own ride home at the time as he was sorting his, so quite likely both cars would have arrived without too much of a wait, and we'd have been able to track where the cars were too to know if there was a long wait for the other. It's not as if she was abandoned on a country lane with no way to get home, she's a grown woman in a busy area of central London with multiple options to get home. If she's lived there for 20 years, surely she knows how to get home on her own by now?!

@Jalila07 If your friend is so against going to Hampstead then why on earth doesn't she suggest an alternative?

No I am not considerably older than the posters mother who is 72 (wink) and if I was I would DEFINATELY expect to be treated with a bit of consideration.

And I do think many younger women are more prepared to put up with bad manners. More mature women...maybe 40 plus, expect men to act with more consideration, and getting into a cab after a date and leaving the female standing around waiting for her own cab is ...IN MY OPINION bad manners.

It's Charing Cross Road, not the Hunger Games arena FFS. And sending her a cab to get her to Hampstead?! Does your friend know the tube goes out that way?

hahaha catch yourself on Nancy Mitford, what are you like 'send a cab' behave yourself

My 48 year old DH just said he wouldn’t leave his date just standing there whilst he jumped in an Uber and left.

hahaha catch yourself on Nancy Mitford, what are you like 'send a cab' behave yourself

She lives in Chelsea. He’s asked her to go to Hampstead. Not the fucking moon. Hamspead, which is a nice place. That you can easily get to bus tube or bus. Maybe he’d like to show her his ends, as the kids say.

Frankly, I think he shouldn’t bother, but there you go!

I'm early 40s and would never consider leaving a date to wait for a taxi/lift and shoot off before her.

Perhaps that makes me on old fashioned misogynistic patriarch. Very few f*s given however 🤷‍♂️

IT WAS CHARING CROSS ROAD!

One of the busiest parts of London. He didn't leave her in the middle of nowhere!

If anyone knows of a man who is going on a date with a delicate flower from Chelsea then please warn him off!

getting into a cab after a date and leaving the female standing around waiting for her own cab is ...IN MY OPINION bad manners.

@BlueSaphire. Why? If the woman gets in first then she has left the male standing there. Is that not bad manners?

Also- It wasn't a cab it was an uber, so leaving it standing there for no reason would be pretty awful behaviour to a poorly paid driver.

OP, perhaps it's just time to accept the fact that dating has changed between when you met your DH and when your friend met hers.

I'm 30 and it would never have occurred to me for my date to arrange transport to me or subsidize it.

Also with Uber, unless it's changed, you can't order two cars at once. So if he'd ordered her one on his account he might have had to wait for it to take her home and complete the journey (he's paid for) before he could get home himself.

Well, I can tell you what my SIL does - she gets my BIL to escort her door to door.

I know couples like that, but it's because the man is paranoid and wants to make sure the wife is not sneaking out to meet someone else. Not because he's terribly nice..

My 48 year old DH just said he wouldn’t leave his date just standing there whilst he jumped in an Uber and left

Her Uber was probably about 30 seconds behind his. He didn't engineer his to turn up first on purpose. I don't think that people who are objecting to this understand how Uber work - and I'm still interested to know what they think the bloke should have done had she been taking the Tube home.

Perhaps that makes me on old fashioned misogynistic patriarch. Very few f*s given however

Man doesn’t give a fuck that his behaviour is misogynistic, but it’s ok because he’ll let you get the first taxi...

Yeah, you’re right Blue et al. Bad manners are the crime of the century...

Man doesn’t give a fuck that his behaviour is misogynistic, but it’s ok because he’ll let you get the first taxi...

If said action results in being brandished anything more than old fashioned, yes, no fucks.

It's a £5 cancellation fee and Uber don't wait. It's not a dangerous area and she's being precious

I think she’s the red flag. It’s works differently with Uber. Perhaps he wants to show her the lovely places around him for the second date? Hardly traipsing! I’d be excited to be shown around a new area. Will she suggest a date over her end instead?

By our age most of us have travelled the world, let alone the West End.

I do think maybe this is a generational thing, as some PPs have said. It’s not the end of the world obviously, but when did it become normal to slate women for expecting basic manners?

@BlueSaphire. Why? If the woman gets in first then she has left the male standing there. Is that not bad manners?

Also- It wasn't a cab it was an uber, so leaving it standing there for no reason would be pretty awful behaviour to a poorly paid driver.
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Its called Good manners.....the man looks after his date in this situation.

Like I said, to solve the problem he should have rang for his uber after the woman had got into hers. That way the driver wouldn't be hanging around, she would be on her way, and his uber would be along shortly...win win.

It’s not basic manners. It’s ridiculous, entitled, faux-helpless, “I have a vagina and am therefore less able” bullshit.

HTH.

What if he expected basic manners from her? She should get him an uber and not leave till he was safely in it. How would that work then?
Or is she just ill mannered but expects more from her dates? If so why?