Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 17:05

Wow Confused. We really weren’t expecting so many responses.

Is the question really that weird?

By the way, I’m not posting about myself. If I was, I would just say that - why not? It’s anonymous so what’s the difference? I’ve asked far worse on here about my own family and various schools.

I actually don’t think my friend is unusual. I don’t think I’m too strange either, quite easy-going really.

She is going to go to Hampstead now most probably, but I have to be honest, I don’t think I wouid go to his neck of the woods so quickly because there are some men who just seem to think they can click their fingers and you’ll go running to them. That’s just me being honest. On the other hand, it could also just be that he knows a really nice place he wants to treat her to, so let’s hope this is the case. Anyway, they’ve all gone now.

OP posts:
KnightError · 27/03/2019 17:05

Oh ffs this "it's what gentlemen do" nonsense is exactly the basis for that whole "women want equality but only when it's to their advantage" argument I can't be doing with any of that, @starsurge. As it happens, I think equality is over-rated (because it isn't equality: it just means women end up doing everything, and men are in the wrong whatever they do). I'm all in favour of everything being a bit clearer, and more old-fashioned gallantry.

MrsWobble3 · 27/03/2019 17:06

If your friend is worried about the impression she is giving she should be aware (as already posted) that travel expenses are usually paid to escorts. Is that what she wants to be mistaken for?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 27/03/2019 17:06

I haven't rtft but I'm really curious now, did she pay for her own meal?

donquixotedelamancha · 27/03/2019 17:06

It is though. 50% think her friend is pathetic and 50% think she's a gold digger.

Some of us are pretty sure it's both.

TheFormidableMrsC · 27/03/2019 17:09

I can't believe what I have just read here! Christ on a bike!

Your friend needs to get a thicker skin for middle aged dating in 2019!

As an aside, while going to Hampstead for lunch is very pleasant, I probably wouldn't go to somebody's home on a second date.

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 17:09

stevie, I'm talking about being an independent adult, I hardly think the ability to paint ones own nails shows you can take care of yourself on a night out.

Seriously???? A recurring argument on this thread is: 'Can't you do it yourself?' My answer is: 'Yes, I can but sometimes it's nice not to'.

I do most things myself because, unlike the masses, I have no DH/DP or whatever to do it for me!!!!

Hecateh · 27/03/2019 17:10

I think it really depends on her and what she wants from a relationship. If she wants a 'traditional' relationship where the man is in charge of looking after her and picking up the bill etc etc then there is no point going forward with someone who treats as an equal and responsible adult in her own right, which is what he has done.
There can be views supporting him or her - in this day and age I can't see that what he has done is wrong but if it is not what she is looking for she may as well get out now.

It could also be that he wasn't treating her with respect and as an equal but that he is selfish and only thinks of himself but that cannot be judged from the one incident I don't think.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 17:10

Don’t be ridiculous. She is not a gold-digger or an escort. MN is crazy sometimes. She doesn’t need anyone’s money, just someone who is the right fit for her. As would I and I see where she’s coming from. There are just certain red flags and she can judge for herself how she wants to be treated on a date, like anyone else. My DH used to drive across London to pick me up and drop me home. To most people this is normal and they are not gold-diggers or escorts either.

OP posts:
starsurge · 27/03/2019 17:13

As it happens, I think equality is over-rated (because it isn't equality: it just means women end up doing everything, and men are in the wrong whatever they do).

Well I think you don't quite understand what equality means. But sure, whatever makes you happy.

goldangel · 27/03/2019 17:17

@Kennehora 😂

SoHotADragonRetired · 27/03/2019 17:18

My DH used to drive across London to pick me up and drop me home. To most people this is normal

Hmm on a first date? Right across London? Who thinks that is normal?

Nobody with any sense drives across London when public transport is by far the better way, and 'most people', in the year 2019 and for quite a long time beforehand, would consider someone insisting on ferrying you like that quite weird and oppressive.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 27/03/2019 17:19

Is the question really that weird?

yes. HTH. :)

SilverySurfer · 27/03/2019 17:19

I actually don’t think my friend is unusual. I don’t think I’m too strange either, quite easy-going really

You keep on believing that OP, despite the evidence on here being to the contrary.

He should obviously be sending a horse drawn carriage with two footmen to see off any raggamuffins who may attempt to enter the carriage as they make the arduous journey from Chelsea to Hampstead.

If she's really lucky she may lose her crystal slipper as she flees from his house at midnight and he will turn into a prince who will travel the land searching for the one he loves and make her his princess. Hmm

EleanorLavish · 27/03/2019 17:19

I really don't think it is fair to refer to this scenario as a 'red flag'.
A red flag is surely more of a warning of the possibility of an abuser.
I hardly think this guy falls in this category for getting in to his own Uber.

beebreath · 27/03/2019 17:20

I think your friend should go to Hampstead for lunch , have a good post lunch shag , get all this out of her system, tell you about it at lunch at the tennis club then you come back and spill the beans to MN.

All will then be forgiven. Smile

MamaLovesMango · 27/03/2019 17:20

I don’t think I wouid go to his neck of the woods so quickly because there are some men who just seem to think they can click their fingers and you’ll go running to them

What’s stopping her from suggesting a place closer to her/wherever she likes for the 3rd date? If he says no and won’t travel then she has her answer but he’s not BU to ask her on this particular instance, given it’s a perfect location for a date and they met at a mutually agreed place for the tome before.

It’s really not on for her to expect her travel expenses to be paid for her. That’s just cheeky fuckery and does feel a bit like paid company.

DitheringBlidiot · 27/03/2019 17:20

God forbid she needed to call her own taxi. Is she ok? Poor lamb! Tbh if someone’s taxi was already there I’d tell them to get in. I really fail to see the issue.

BlueSkiesLies · 27/03/2019 17:23

My DH used to drive across London to pick me up and drop me home. To most people this is normal and they are not gold-diggers or escorts either.

When was this? 1963?

Most enlightened people would think you a bit of a cunt if you ‘drove across London and back’ when a myriad of public transport options are open to you.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 17:26

Why would you need to use the c word about this?

OP posts:
slashlover · 27/03/2019 17:34

She is going to go to Hampstead now most probably, but I have to be honest, I don’t think I wouid go to his neck of the woods so quickly because there are some men who just seem to think they can click their fingers and you’ll go running to them.

I wouldn't go for safety but that's a different issue.

If she had text him and said she was going to cook and asked him over to hers, would she be clicking her fingers and expecting him to go running?

MQv2 · 27/03/2019 17:35

I like how your friend thinks Uber drivers are some sub species who don't warrant consideration if it will interfere with her own tests of chivalry.

Tell her not to see him again and let him have his lucky escape from having to suffer her further

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MQv2 · 27/03/2019 17:38

"I really don't think it is fair to refer to this scenario as a 'red flag'."

I'd refer to it as such but it's the man who should be seeing the warning signs in this instance

SilverySurfer · 27/03/2019 17:41

He invited her to Hampstead but if she doesn't wish to go there, that's fine - it would be perfectly ok to tell him that she would like to meet again but would prefer somewhere more central. I agree with slashlover that I would not want to go to his home on a second date for safety reasons.