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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
Eliza9917 · 27/03/2019 16:39

TBF Croydon is full of wrong 'uns tho

goldangel · 27/03/2019 16:41

Wow, early 40’s and single, doesn’t surprise me! Has your friend never got herself home from a night out or is this her first time out of Chelsea?

I’m guessing he paid for drinks/dinner otherwise that would be another red flag!

Let him go, he’s not right for your friend.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 27/03/2019 16:41

The Über is ridiculous. Uber’s work differently to cabs and I think if that’s how they had chosen to go home, it’s completely normal for a date.

However I would be bit put off him he kept suggesting venues that required more effort on her part than his. Not suggesting that women aren’t up to making the effort. It’s just a good sign that he is willing to make the effort. Saves time in the end to find out he’s not that interested/just wants a bunk up etc.

GetStrongKeepFighting · 27/03/2019 16:42

OP, will you see him again ?

BTW it's not 50/50 Hmm. Grin

DontCallMeCharlotte · 27/03/2019 16:42

Eliza9917

Fair point!

ALemonyPea · 27/03/2019 16:43

Admittedly it's been a fair few years since I've dated, but did she drop her silk handkerchief to express her genuine intentions to court him? If not, then she needs to up her game.

Or get in the 21st century and realise that she's a grown woman, she is capable of waiting for a taxi in a public place, and she can also say no to meeting him near his house and perhaps suggest somewhere else.

MamaLovesMango · 27/03/2019 16:44

Actually having thought about it more, if he does live in Hampstead, she should definitely marry him Grin

WelliesAndPyjamas · 27/03/2019 16:44

Absolute winner of a thread!

I love it when I decide to treat myself to a sit down and a little MNetting after an 11 hour day in work, and the very first thread I click on is a total gem! Thanks for the laughter, everyone.

OP, your friend is a grown up and, regardless of what she has between her legs, should be able to go to and from a date/meeting/any other outing on her own. Did she ask you to pay for her trasnsport back from your get together today?

I am in my 40s too. Don’t shame our generation by blaming this silliness on being born in the 70s.

donquixotedelamancha · 27/03/2019 16:45

@OP. There is nothing wrong with your mate wanting to be infantalised by a man- for him to arrange her transport and pay for everything. There are lots of men who are controlling and struggle with dating for the same reasons as your friend.

She needs to make clear on her dating profile that she is looking for this. She will probably do quite well and at least won't be wasting her time. Presumably in return she is keen to cook and clean for (and obey) her perfect gentleman?

canadianbanana · 27/03/2019 16:46

Why does he have to call her a cab? She a grown woman and can call her own. Busy location, so she’s safe.

Eliza9917 · 27/03/2019 16:47

MamaLovesMango Wed 27-Mar-19 16:44:33
Actually having thought about it more, if he does live in Hampstead, she should definitely marry him

this was my first thought Grin Grin

BlueSaphire · 27/03/2019 16:49

I am of an age where I expect a man to see the woman is safely on her way before he looks after himself.
In my opinion he should have waited till she had her cab then phoned for his own.

Yep....I am old fashioned in that way, OH agrees with me though.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 27/03/2019 16:49

😂😂 donquixote yes! She’ll probably find there are niche dating websites for that kind of thing! Maybe a man could help her find one.

starsurge · 27/03/2019 16:51

but I think he should have waited, just because it's the gentlemanly thing to do

Oh ffs this "it's what gentlemen do" nonsense is exactly the basis for that whole "women want equality but only when it's to their advantage" argument.

KaliforniaDreamz · 27/03/2019 16:52

I think it's bad manners. It would put me off.

I think it's the bloody least men can do these days, show a bit of courtesy towards women when the world is going to shit. Mainly because of them.

Not here for that 'not all men crap' so dont bother.

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Worriedwart18 · 27/03/2019 16:53

Please encourage her not to see him again because the poor bloke deserves better.

Let shops Daily Mail pick this up and the poor bloke can recognise the situation and all the "red flags" this woman is showing and do a runner himself..

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ginger1982 · 27/03/2019 16:54

I wouldn't have expected DH to either order me a taxi or pay for it. If she doesn't want to go to Hampstead she should just suggest somewhere more central. She sounds a bit medieval!

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 16:56

It’s nothing to do with manners, ffs. An adult woman is perfectly able to press a button on her phone and get an Uber. Which she presumably did, since she’s alive to overdramatize the tale.

BlueSkiesLies · 27/03/2019 16:57

It is though. 50% think her friend is pathetic and 50% think she's a gold digger.

Grin

Maybe your friend would be better off on sugardaddies.com?

SoHotADragonRetired · 27/03/2019 16:57

He should have waited to call his until hers was practically there

They were ordering Ubers on CHARING CROSS ROAD. They probably both had to wait a maximum of about two minutes. His just happened to make it first.

I have to wonder again how a man sees a woman 'safely on her way' if she is getting the Tube home, as most people would be unless it's past 1am.

SilverySurfer · 27/03/2019 17:00

BlueSaphire
I am of an age where I expect a man to see the woman is safely on her way before he looks after himself.

Age has nothing to do with this strange expectation, as has already been demonstrated.

viques · 27/03/2019 17:04

Charing Cross Road? OOoh. Sucks teeth. Yes indeedy , in the 18th century the seven dials area was indeed a den of iniquity where the unwary traveller would be set upon by footpads and doxies and no virtuous woman was safe.

But in 2019? It's probably a damn sight safer than your average pub car park at closing time. These days only thing you have to be mindful of is not getting mashed up by one of those damn pedal cabs touting for tourists.

I think OP that if your friend is such a delicate flower who at the age of 40 can't cope with getting herself home of an evening from central London (and the tube is a lot cheaper and quicker than cabs btw) then she should consider moving to say Saudi Arabia where she won't have this problem since she won't be encouraged to set foot outside the door unless accompanied by a male relative over the age of about 14.

CloserIAm2Fine · 27/03/2019 17:04

She’s a grown bloody adult who should be capable of waiting alone in a busy area for an Uber.

Sounds like he’s had a lucky escape!