Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
CocoCharlie83 · 27/03/2019 16:12

She shouldn't see him again or see anyone for that matter until she learns how the world works and grows up.

No decent person should have to deal with her attitude and friends like you. The stuff you are coming out with makes me think this has to be a troll or someone who is not attached to reality

KC225 · 27/03/2019 16:14

In the beginning it's little things, clues that give you the measure of the person. If they are rude to staff, quibble over bills (I always offers to split or took turns in rounds). Constantly bitch about ex's or colleagues. I once went on a date where he leaned over and stabbed at my food without asking if he could try a piece - I looked aghast and he said 'What, you're not gonna eat all that, you'll get fat'. On a first date.

I think he could have waited for her Uber to arrive and then called his. It would be a red flag for me - just being thoughtful.

SavageBeauty73 · 27/03/2019 16:16

Sometimes I think I live in a parallel universe. They would have both ordered the Uber's and his came first 🤷‍♀️ you can't swap or wait. I really don't see the issue.

It's not a red flag and why should he send a cab for her. Surely she's perfectly capable of getting to Hampstead or arranging to meet elsewhere. Baffled at these non issues.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 27/03/2019 16:17

Google Maps suggests that Chelsea to Hampstead takes the same amount of time by cab as it does by public transport.

Redglitter · 27/03/2019 16:18

Ok maybe some if us are a bit stuck in the 90s

Yeah the 1890s by the sound of it.

HundredMilesAnHour · 27/03/2019 16:18

Her only concern is, it’s very early days and she doesn’t want to appear like she’ll put up with anything and is desperate.

She should be more concerned about coming across as a complete nutcase. She's a veritable bunting of red flags. Unless she's a time traveller from the 19th century or grew up in Saudi Arabia and is a real life princess.

Does she not have other friends who actually live their lives in the 21st century and can give her better advice than you OP? You sound almost as clueless as your imaginary friend.

Btw Clapham to Croydon is a whole one stop direct on the train taking all of 15 mins max.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/03/2019 16:19

Ok maybe some if us are a bit stuck in the 90s

People didn't send cabs for people in the 90's either don't be silly

Singlenotsingle · 27/03/2019 16:21

I don't know. On the one hand, we want to be treated as equals - strong, independent women who can take care of ourselves, thank you very much! But on the other, we want men to be polite and courteous, and treat us like precious pieces of china. We can't have it both ways!

JakeBallardswife · 27/03/2019 16:21

Oh dear GOD, you've put feminism back by 50 years.

Should she go all the way to Hampstead for lunch on Saturday - its 6/7 miles she can walk, cycle, bus, train OR get her own taxi.

I really don't understand the issue, I had to misread the OP as I thought you meant go to Harrogate. But Hampstead, there is no issue or she's hard work & I'd perhaps get her to ask a more independently minded friend than you.

Some women also travel by themselves....

KnightError · 27/03/2019 16:22

@Jalila07 I lived in London and wouldn't be at all worried about waiting around in the centre - but I think he should have waited, just because (as @Mimibunz says) it's the gentlemanly thing to do. I also think it would be a mistake for her to trot off to Hampstead (leaving aside the transport matter). It's only a second date, and I certainly wouldn't be going to anyone's house on a second date. Not least as I'd fear they would assume I was just up for a shag. Fine, if shagging someone you've barely met is your friend's thing, but it wouldn't be mine. I'd want to get to know him better on more neutral territory.

floribunda18 · 27/03/2019 16:23

I don't think it would have been practical for him to give up his Uber, but he could have checked she was ok getting a cab herself and apologised that his cab had arrived first. Same as I would do with a platonic friend, I wouldn't just go "See ya!" and jump into a cab. If they had been at a rank then it would be polite to let her go first. Not a deal breaker per se, but I'd be on guard for a general lack of manners. She can't be that into him though if this issue is a deal breaker.

ScarletBitch · 27/03/2019 16:23

Sorry to ask but I am not from London, when you talk about Zones, what does that mean? Is it something to do with Boroughs?

TinyTear · 27/03/2019 16:26

Zone 1 in central, zone 2 is still really central, zone 3 is further out to the suburbs, etc... it's to do with transport costs

Kennehora · 27/03/2019 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SileneOliveira · 27/03/2019 16:28

Ok maybe some if us are a bit stuck in the 90s. blush I’m prepared to hear I might be encouraging her to be a bit precious.

The 1890s, perhaps. All this expecting people to pay your transport and not travel a few stops on the Underground, madness.

floribunda18 · 27/03/2019 16:28

What does piss me off though is at the local station. There are steps to go down from the platforms then you cross a concourse to get to the cab rank. It is clear when you are going out that way that you are going to the cab rank - people otherwise go out of the main exit. Most people hurry down but in an orderly, polite fashion, apart from the odd besuited twat, always male, who tries to overtake me to get to the cab queue first. I don't know about chivalry but that is seriously just bad manners.

Weebitawks · 27/03/2019 16:29

I don't live somewhere with Uber but my sister orders me one when I'm staying with her and out with friends and she is very insistent that I don't keep the driver waiting as it messes with her score?

FrozenMargarita17 · 27/03/2019 16:29

This wouldn't bother me one bit

MamaLovesMango · 27/03/2019 16:31

Does your friend like romance books? I think she’s setting herself some rather unrealistics expectations.

If it were a black cab I’d say she’s not being unreasonable to expect to take it first or failing that, share. An Uber is different because it’s be charged to his account. Standing on the side of Charing Cross road for a couple of minutes isn’t exactly a hardship considering there’s several cans a minute going past there at night!

And Hampstead is hardly the arse end of nowhere. On the border of Zone 2 and 3? It’s quite a quick trip up the Northern Line. Or is she one of this that won’t use the tube?

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/03/2019 16:32

I know that area well and Charing Cross Road feels pretty safe to me. It's bustling and busy even very late at night, and it's full of cafes/eateries that are open all hours where she could have waited in safety.

Had this been practically anywhere else, I'd have lambasted him for putting her at potential risk, but in this area, to be fair to him, I think she's being a bit precious. And this is coming from a loony magnet who constantly seems to attract all manner of weirdos in London (and never in a particularly friendly manner)!

diddl · 27/03/2019 16:34

does he want to meet at his place?

If so & she's not comfortable with that then she should obviously suggest somewhere else.

Eliza9917 · 27/03/2019 16:35

I'm with the OP. He should have waited to call his until hers was practically there. He didn't need to pay for it or order it on his account if she used hers and he waited, then ordered his, in order to see her into it safely. Its what gentlemen do.

DP wouldn't have (when dating in the beginning) or would ever, consider leaving me on the side of the road, not because I'm not capable, but out of politeness/manners/chivalry/whatever.

MamaLovesMango · 27/03/2019 16:36

And for goodness sake! Hampstead is full of eateries and bars with shops galore! Don’t forget Kenwood House is a beautiful and romantic place to have a stroll. Just because he’s asked to meet somewhere outside Central London it does not mean he’s asking her to go to his place.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 27/03/2019 16:36

When I was about 23, I remember I was supposed to be going on a date with this one who asked me to get trains to Croydon (from Clapham) to meet him. I said no and it was a good call because it later emerged he wasn’t even fully divorced.

Oi! Leave Croydon out of it! We had our first date in Croydon (halfway for both of us) and we've been married 20 years this year. It's not Croydon's fault you picked a wrong' un.

By the way, your friend is being supremely ridiculous.

SlothMama · 27/03/2019 16:37

She's a grown woman, why should the uber driver be expected to wait whilst her cab turned up? She and you need to get a grip!