He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

[Jalila07]

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

You're just weird OP, TBH.

Anyway we have to get to the school but Thankyou very much. She will probably go now.

I think the taxi issue, as it was an Uber, was fine. If they had both been hailing black cabs and he had dived into the first one without even a "do you mind if I take this...?" then I'd think that was a bit cheeky (regardless of whether it was the man or woman who did so).

I will say that men who, in the very early stages of dating, wanted me to have all the burden of travelling with none on them, tended to be selfish (from my sample of 28 first dates!!). I was always very flexible about it though. Again, I don't think that's a male/female thing but more that kind people would just go for the mid point when you barely know each other. Obviously if you're just 10 mins up the road it doesn't matter so much though!

If I was her, I'd suggest a half way point for the next date (assuming their planned lunch is out rather than him cooking).

This was a first date?

How has she managed getting in taxis in the 40 odd years before this chap came along?

Frankly I think you're bonkers.

If you were hailing black cabs on the street, I would hope he would let her have the first one. But in the situation you describe, you & your friend are being totally ridiculous. Both ordered their own Ubers and his came first. No problem at all with this, if he started flapping about redirecting or delaying, that would be off putting IMO.

As for this weekend, I presume he is saying he knows a nice place he would like to take her to? If she has a better suggestion of somewhere to go, make it. But there is nothing wrong with his suggestion at all. And the idea of him needing to ‘send a car’ is weird. You make your own journey to and from the agreed meeting point.

I'm guessing the views on this will be heavily influenced by age blush

I'm in my 70s, dated from the 1960's onwards and think this 'friend' has ridiculous expectations. She has zero chance of finding someone with her current attitude.

It’s more that most men would not get in a cab first after a date - not unless they were doing a runner!

You wrong and I'm not sure how many more times you need people to say it.

She has never been left in the street before on a date. It’s not common really, is it?

She had better get used to it. As the majority have said, it's quite normal.

Ok maybe some if us are a bit stuck in the 90s.

Yes, the 1890s.

Actually I can't help wondering if this is about you OP, and not a friend.

FFS, I hope he blows her off. What a cow, expecting him to pay for taxis for her. WTAF? No, this was never 'normal' and what 'most men' would do. He asked her to go to Hampstead. She can say no.

I'm in my 50s and know what Uber is. It has nothing to do with being married or not having dated. FFS.

She will probably go now.

That poor bastard. Pass on MN to him so he can get help extricating himself from your weirdo friend!

And the fuck I'd pay for some date I'd only met once's Uber.

What do people in the ‘have to be seen into a taxi’ crew do when they meet another women for dinner/drinks/theatre and live in different directions?!

Well, I can tell you what my SIL does - she gets my BIL to escort her door to door. So, if she's going to the theatre in London with a female friend (they don't live in London), my BIL takes the tube/bus with her to the theatre, hands her over to her friend and then comes to spend the evening with us, goes out again at 10pm or whatever by tube/bus to meet her at the theatre and then bring her back.

I think they genuinely think my DH is a bit neglectful because I make my own way home from a night out.

I actually feel very sad for you both OP. I can’t imagine how much living you’ve both missed out on if you’re that delicate and stuck in rigid gender roles that you can’t wait for a taxi on your own. I would love to take you both out for a drink some time OP, show you the unbridled joy that independent, confident women can have on their own in London! Maybe your friend isn’t ready to date yet and needs to spend a bit of time discovering herself and all that she is capable of?

Is she incapable of calling her own uber? Why does he need to do that for her? Bloody hell it's backwards we're going

As you've acknowledged OP, your friend is very old fashioned in her expectations and you are encouraging it.

In this day and age it is NOT normal to expect your date to pay for your cab home.

If he'd flagged a roadside taxi it would be polite to offer it to her first. And if in a dodgy area, also polite to wait until her transport showed up... however neither are the case and you and your friend are being snowflakes.

If Hampstead isn't convenient for your friend, she simply needs to say "that's not convenient for me, how about we meet somewhere round xxx".

She is a grown up independent woman - act like one.

Oh dear. On our second date I invited future DH to a meal at my flat.
I didn't realise I was "expecting him to traipse" there, nor did I send a cab for him

Silvery: I'm an over 52 from the provinces who often feels vulnerable. However I feel fine in central London simply because there are plenty of people about. It's the teens and 20s, mainly male, who are, sadly, getting attacked on the streets.
I agree with you, SS, the gently raised OP and her friend are the exception!

So we were just talking about early red flags because often they are there.

TBH if a man hailed my cab for me and paid for it in advance, or sent a cab for me to get to Hampstead from Chelsea, I'd see it as a massive red flag for someone who was extremely controlling.

There are certainly places where it would be poor form to leave someone standing on the street alone. Charing Cross Road really isn't one of them.

I can't believe there are people in this thread calling him "ungentlemanly" for that. Let's say you're having dinner at a restaurant with a friend. Are you paying for their ride home? Maybe, as a treat. Are you expected to do so? No. Same goes for dates.

Another friend here went out with a guy who used to charge her petrol money and once asked for money towards “wear and tear” of his car!

That isn't remotely like the situation you describe in your OP!

Perfectly normal so YABU

She is from Chelsea, enough said!

@Kennehora - I know, right! I try to tell myself that maybe she has anxiety issues or something but I have a really hard time not rolling my eyes every time they do it.

I'll call my own cab. I dont want anyone knowing my address I've only just met and rather choose my own trusted taxi company, make the call from my phone etc etc.

Settlersofcatan

Your story makes me feel like screaming it's so claustrophobic. I remember taking a while to get used to carrying a mobile phone because I felt constantly monitored. I am old enough to remember what it was like before we knew the whereabouts of all our family all the time. I wouldn't be without the mobile now, but they were freer times.