To find Mother's Day cards triggering?

[yellowbootieboots]

It just enrages me. No you're not "the best" you're not "wonderful" or "loving". You've been a horrible twat most of my life and pretty fucking awful at best.

We had a roof over our heads, clean clothes and food but Christ she doesn't give a toss about me and I'm expected to sign my name to this shit.

Anyone else or just me that gets pissed off this time of the year?!

Mine used to make a big issue of cards that said 'Mothers Day' on them with the result that I had to comb the card shops for a suitable one with 'Mothering Sunday' on it.

As a result, I find them all triggering, and am quite happy with a card with a big flower on it, if any at all. In fact, I have one I am particularly fond of permanently on the shelf, and it will do for the rest of my life. One of my DC has sent chocolate in advance. It is sitting on the kitchen shelf waiting to be opened. They know I will do anything for chocolate

I find it difficult and always have to find a card to send to the abusive person who gave birth to me. It's much easier now I don't have any contact with her. It definitely doesn't enrage me, if anything it makes me a bit sad. As pp have said the only thing that does enrage me are those people who spout bollocks like aw but you only ever have one mother.

@Lifecraft I think that You can't visit your own misery on others. But they can visit their joy on you, if you allow them to. is quite a nice mantra. I can think of quite a few people who would do better to adopt it

YES! Myself and my sisters were just discussing this.

We all buy blank cards with a bunch of flowers or something on it. I never, ever say Dear Mum or Lots of Love because I can't bring myself to write it. It would be a lie.

We were wondering if she ever noticed that we don't buy those "Best Mum in the World" cards. She's a textbook narc and made me a nervous wreck most of my life. I've only really dealt with it over the last few months. I'm making progress but at 39 I find it hard to let the anger go.

yes but as a Mother l focus on me not her

DPs mum gave him away when he was 4 days old, came back into his life when he was in his 30s and was a pig of a woman. Stole money, all sorts. Now NC with her.

My mum is a ball of spite generally, never let it be said that she will miss an opportunity to make you feel like shit. She can't stand women and is all about playing up to men.

Me & DP are out for a meal this Sunday with our respective DCs. Then we're off to a show just the 2 of us. Looking forward to it.

It's just a day OP. I can fully understand why you're triggered but do something nice for the day. I'm always in awe when I hear about those with great mums but I can be happy for them. I do get moments of wishing I had a good mum but there's nothing to be done about it.

My DCs say I'm a good mum so that's enough for me.

I won't be buying a card on Sunday but I will be having a very nice day indeed 🙂

OP take a look at Bethany Webster's work on the mother wound, you might find it really useful xx

womboflight.com/about-the-mother-wound

A bit more light hearted, but when I met my first husband I had to teach him table manners....we wouldn't have stayed married long otherwise! One year I sent MiL a card that said "Mum, thanks for teaching me good manners. The other day I was in a restaurant and I saw a man eating peas off a knife, and I was so shocked I nearly dropped a handful of mashed potato!" I have to admit I lost my nerve, made him sign it and bought her a nice one as well!

@loadsofutterbuswellocks they were adopted. I am not going to go into it in this thread though. ,(hope that isn't rude, having a bad day)

I have found my people. Thank goodness because it's so isolating having abusive parents. My mother is a violent, angry narcissist. My dad is a psychopath. I've been so upset about Mother's Day because I was her carer. She needed me to take care of her emotional needs as my Dad mentally abuses her and she doesn't know it. As well as the terrible memories and her disappointment in me and what I got her I feel guilty and shame. I'm also disappointed in myself that it still affects me when I haven't seen her for five years. I want to have a different mum who I could spoil and she would like it. I want to give her carefully chosen presents and make her cakes. And she would like them rather than telling and showing me how much she dislikes them.
Why don't they make cards for us? On the front of my mum's card would read 'You are a terrible Mother ' and on the inside it would read 'You are emotionally damaging '.

"I don't see the point of Easter cards, but I also don't go on a public forum to debate the matter."

You've entirely missed the point Cheeseypuffs.
Easter was not ab abusive parent to you, you can be indifferent to it.
The OP, & many others, do not have that luxury about their mothers.

Don’t buy one then,
🤷🏼‍♀️ Or is that the obvious answer? DP never got his Mum one because she was horrible to him, she’s dead now and he doesn’t regret it. Mother’s Day is just a day designed by companies to make money. If you love and appreciate your Mum that’s everyday, it sure is in my case, my Mum is a lifesaver and I never take her for granted.

I think all holidays can be upsetting for some reason, so you're not BU to feel it. As long as you don't think the whole thing should be cancelled.

My sister finds mothers day hard as our mum died a few years back. It doesn't bother me at all. But for me, her birthday really gets me every single year. Much more so than for DSis. No idea why.

I find them upsetting I think because there are so many and they take over so much space in card shops and other shops. When it was just a small section of cards it wasn't so hard as I could pass on by and ignore it until it was done.

It doesn't hurt so much because of mine being such a nightmare (they were) but because of the loss of my foster mum and last year my godmother who I was very close to ended her life which this year falls on Easter Day , and I'd get her one every year and put godmother on it because she knew how hard I found it and wanted me to feel included (everyone at church did as I'd become a mess at the prayers for those whose mothers weren't around anymore or who had fallen short of expectations).

I don't mind others celebrating or getting cards but it is really painful for me and my distress this year, for many reasons, is so much that I can't hide it. Easter has been haunting me since before Christmas (when the eggs and posters hit our shops). Several times I've been helped from the Easter section of the supermarket in bits. To be fair people have been lovely, some helpfully suggesting I avoid the aisle - works well until they bloody move it! I do try not to be a slobbering mess but it's not working so well.

DS gets a blank card for his dad. DS is 15 and knows his own mind. I suspect exh is more hurt by receiving a non Father's Day card than not receiving one at all.

I'm finding it hard to buy my Mum a card this year.... normally we're really close but my sister and I are NC and she's really stirring the pot. I did something nice with Mum as an early MD treat and she's been a complete bitch over it and Mums given in as usual. So frankly I don't even want to bother.

My 2nd baby was stillborn, and I always find MD hard anyway. It's a really tough day, one of the few that I struggle on so I really doubly can't be arsed this year. Still there are worst problems out there I know, I'm really lucky to have 3 very amazing DDs whom I adore and hopefully a new grandchild by Sunday too.

I'm sorry for everyone else feeling the same. Families are so complicated at times

I always sent my mother a card but spent a long time searching for one that wasn't mushy. She was a horrible mother. I chose bland unsentimental cards.
I watched other people choosing lovely cards for their (I assumed) lovely mothers and envied them.
I receive beautiful cards with wonderful verses from my DC and I'm grateful.

I used to find it upsetting seeing all the cards after I lost my mum, but it's eased off now. It's quite a weird feeling, and anyone that's lost their mum and thought alot of her will know what I mean.

Honestly, OP, I don’t think you should get one.

If your dad stood by and let her abuse you then I wouldn’t really be caring whether it upset him or not.

I know familial relationships are complex, especially with parents, but if it’s this triggering for you then you need to think of yourself!

I feel that we are emotionally blackmailed into forking out for a card for different occasions.

My mother has issues of her own. She's not maternal, very emotionally immature and is generally selfish. She didn't have the best upbringing so I try to be understanding.

She was emotionally and physically abusive, some of which had lasting trauma, but now I'm an adult and I'm fully independent (as in, don't need anything) she's a lot nicer.

She has apologised and recognised she let me down, and she tries in her own way to be nice but I have to keep her at arm's length for my own sanity.

Half of me wants to go NC for all the trauma she caused, but the other half wants to forgive her and accept the good bits now.

I don't think there's a card for that so I usually buy her favourite chocolates. 1) she likes chocolate but 2) I'm secretly sabotaging her permenant diet.

I think cards in general are too gushing and insincere (“best sister in law ever” etc) so I tend to avoid them all and just opt for plain cards or else design my own through websites like Moonpig or Funky Pigeon.

YANBU, anything can set off emotions that are hard to handle. Many people find Mother's Day and Father's Day and other holidays difficult for a wide range of reasons. I imagine it's getting harder for some as the advertising for it seems to get bigger and go on for longer each year.

I haven't set a card since leaving home and kinda blank them out for those holidays, but I still find my birthday and Christmastime difficult and depressing as it has the strongest reminders for me. It's getting better but there have been times when things that most probably see it as small would send me into a flood of tears. For my birthday, I make sure to plan things with other people around then to try to keep my mind off of things and for Christmas, I just avoid it as much as possible and do all the feasting and fun on New Year's instead. We all have to find our own ways of coping, like some of the great cards and card ideas on this thread.

I don't find mother's day or fathers day triggering as such but I do end up angry when people always seem to have an opinion that I should use that day to forgive my parents and make peace as I will regret it when they are gone etc etc... I'm really happy for anyone who has had amazing parents but I didn't. Fully a bus be in so many ways... Both of them. Took me years to free myself and yet people still think its shame I don't even send her a card.... Why would I. She's not my mother anymore,my mil is my mother.. My husband has great family who I adore and I love to celebrate these days with them. The celebration doesn't bother me, people feeling they can tell me to make peace with abusers of the worst kind are what get me down.

I just pick one that’s £1 says mum/mother and catches my eye I do the same for all cards £1 or less and catches my eye. I don’t look for gushing ones in fact I’m more likely to buy one calling my dad an old fart