To find Mother's Day cards triggering?

[yellowbootieboots]

It just enrages me. No you're not "the best" you're not "wonderful" or "loving". You've been a horrible twat most of my life and pretty fucking awful at best.

We had a roof over our heads, clean clothes and food but Christ she doesn't give a toss about me and I'm expected to sign my name to this shit.

Anyone else or just me that gets pissed off this time of the year?!

Been having a meltdown about this for three days. It's two fold painful for me.

Walked around Tesco today ended up slap bang in the middle of the mothers day aisle.

It's not as simple as dont buy one if you dont want to send one. It causes me masses of pain that my mother is truly an horrific person.

It also reminds me that my children now call someone else mummy and I will never get to enjoy mothers day without that reminder.

'triggered' it really is the new buzz word isnt it ?

Sorry to those of you that feel the same

There's tons of mums that deserve those lovely cards but I just feel so sad that mine isn't one of those.

It's a reminder of the awful treatment that used to happen behind closed doors. We were the perfect family from the outside but as soon as the door was shut it was awful.

I feel like I have to get her a card otherwise my dad will be upset and he's he only one I care about.

@Lifecraft I didn't say, I want everyone to stop celebrating Mother's Day and piss on anyone's chips about it! I just find it really upsetting that she is so shit and I am sad that I don't have a loving, supportive mother.

I don't think OP was saying nobody could enjoy them. Personally those 'dad' cards with cars and DIY tools on them make me feel a bit sad and I could do with one that had bottles of white lightning and rent boys on but I suspect they wouldn't sell all that well. It's OK to acknowledge that sadness without suggesting other people can't enjoy their dads.

I'd be interested to know if anyone has ever found a greeting card that exactly suited/described someone though...

YANBU OP.

No one is saying remove mother's day but of course it's going to be hurtful to those of us who can't celebrate it for whatever reasons.

I have different reasons, I am having fertility problems and it kills seeing all the mother's day things in the shops knowing I may never receive one.

Not to say I begrudge anyone for doing so but we are all allowed our own feelings.

I've been NC with mine for nearly 14 years and people do tend to be shocked that you don't adore your mother, my partner had a shitty childhood too (mother now deceased) so last Mother's Day we treated ourselves to a lovely night out to celebrate surviving our toxic mothers.

My Mum was/is abusive. Been NC for a very long time.

I have an incredible Grandmother and Step Mother so I focus on them.

So sorry for everyone who's had horrible experiences at the hands of their mothers (FWIW it was my dad for me) but just to add a different note it triggers me too ... now that she's gone

I know it sounds silly but it's sad seeing everyone buying for their mums when I can't any more. I see folk (quite rightly) moaning about inflated prices around Mothers Day but feel like saying "get her the better whatever-it-is; she won't always be there"

Sorry ... as you were

darkriver what's happened to your own children? (Sorry, I just wondered, I don't mean to be goady)

Mother’s Day stuff can be hard for lots of people - your mother is dead, you have a poor relationship with her, you want to start a family but don’t have a partner, you’ve been TTC without success, you’ve suffered baby loss.

I think “triggering” suggests to some people a snowflake element in the person when if you said “I feel sad when I see them as I don’t feel I have the relationship they represent” most people would get that.

They aren't compulsory.

It IS sad if you have a shit mother. Mine was Jekyll and Hyde. Could be very loving and protective but could also be extremely abusive. She was very fucked up which was awful for us. I always got her a card. It was for the side of her that was good. If she had been all bad I wouldn't have bought her one at all.

The whole blimmin day exists to flog more crap nobody needs, why you should spend money to pretend that your mother is lovely is beyond me

I’m normally ok but I don’t know if it’s because I’m part time now I see a lot more adverts on telly but they’re doing my nut in this year! Every other one seems to be really, really hamming up the absolute adoration of mothers...simpering and cringy!

I’m not triggered I just find it a bit upsetting. It never normally bothers me that much and I always still buy the card etc, but this year I just feel extra let down. I know it is my own feelings and I shouldn’t let someone else have control of them blah blah. It bounces off me now that my mum couldn’t be sober for me, but it hurts most that she and my MIL who are both alcoholics (what are the bloody chances) both cannot be bothered to make any effort at sobriety to get to know their granddaughter.

It honestly doesn’t bother me any more that they don’t really want to see me, but how could anyone not want my gorgeous little one year old in their life? How could they not want to see her and watch her grow? She doesn’t have one loving grandmother and I don’t have a mother figure I can turn to for advice. It makes me very sad and resentful and feel like just not bothering to get either of them a thing.

It’s shit, OP, and everyone else on here who feels the sting. Buy yourself a treat instead.

I feel a bit the same about my mother and these cards. She was OK some of the time, not OK most of the time and never ever the best mother in the world etc etc.

I usually just get a blank card with a picture of some flowers and write happy mothers' day inside it. My dad is happy I sent a card, job done.

Yes YABU everyone's relationship with their mother is different. You don't have the monopoly on feelings about mothers. If it's not for you then walk on by. I don't see the point of Easter cards, but I also don't go on a public forum to debate the matter.
There are frankly more important things going on in the world.

I say that with the caveat that my mother IS lovely, so to my mind she deserves something nice. But if you're an emotionally unavailable or abusive mother, you don't deserve a bean on mothering sunday imo

Also sorry to all those who have lost their mothers My best friend has just lost hers and they were so close. My heart breaks for her.

I find mother's day difficult. I have a very stormy relationship with my own mother, and we are childless (not by choice), so it's a double whammy. I find myself deleting endless marketing emails, and feeling pissed off at the TV.

I was really pleased to get an email from the online florist Bloom and Wild offering the option to opt out of mother's day emails (not their full mailing list) back in February. They got LOADS of positive PR from it, but I thought it was a really sensitive move and one that more companies should make.

There's definitely a gap in the market for unemotional duty cards. I always send my mum one that says 'It's Mother's Day' or something factually accurate like that, but they're quite hard to find.

If it's not for you then walk on by. I don't see the point of Easter cards, but I also don't go on a public forum to debate the matter

Sorry what traumatic event have you experienced surrounding Easter like the OP has with her mother?

Not a fair comparison.

Buy a blank card, not a Mother's Day one, with flowers or some bland picture. 'To mum, have a nice day, from yellowbootieboots.'

I find this whole time of year challenging, in some ways more challenging than Christmas.

Rubbish parents (though I have rekindled a very fragile relationship with them over the past two years), no family of my own, single, no nearby friends - Easter is so......unstructured, no real 'traditions' - at least with Christmas I can throw a load of money at it and buy gifts and nice food, and people expect visitors - then there is school holidays and everyone wanting to be off work, and then mother's bloody day. My mum's birthday is end of April, mine is early May and then there's more bank holidays and so from about March to May is a bit of a lonely time for me.

So don't buy a card then 🤷
My mum was a wonderful person and a lovely mum. She was murdered by her abusive partner...I get sad looking at all the lovely cards but I don't begrudge anyone celebrating . In fact we're hosting mother's Day lunch for my mil and we will have a really nice day.

Your feelings are yours. You would be unreasonable if you expected or demanded that other people not mention Mothers' Day in front of you, not let you catch sight of the card or gift they bought their own mum, or had to be quiet about the cards/gifts they got from their own DC.

Well my mum's dead so seeing Mothers Day cards affects me in a different way.