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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he being taken advantage of?

107 replies

ICanBThe1 · 24/03/2019 18:55

Would you think this situation as unreasonable? My boyfriends brother said he needed help financially and if he could borrow £200 off him and didn’t say what it was for. My bf’s brother isn’t in a job where he would need emergency money. my bf gave it to him anyway without asking what it was for. Now my bfs brother has announced on Facebook that he’s going on a holiday. Presumably using the money my bf gave him. AIBU because he said he needed help financially but really it was just money for a holiday or is this expected between siblings? I feel like my bf is being taken the absolute piss out of him but he’s not allowing any conversation about it and says it’s not any of my business but I feel like his brother takes advantage of him and therefore it impacts both of us

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 24/03/2019 18:56

Why do you think he is being taken advantage of? Is your boyfriend particularly vulnerable and unable to make decisions rationally?

XiCi · 24/03/2019 18:57

I think if your bf didn't ask him what it was for then he was happy to lend him the money on that basis. Your bf brother has not lied or misled him.

Babyornotbaby · 24/03/2019 18:59

Do you and your BF share money? Live together?

If not, then it’s none of your business.

Chocolate1984 · 24/03/2019 19:00

Does the brother not pay him back? Is your boyfriend short of money and needs the £200?

Boom45 · 24/03/2019 19:01

I've borrowed money off my siblings for things like holidays in the past. I was invited to go with friends, didn't have the cash at that moment but knew i would have soon and my siblings were happy to help out. They got it back and could happily afford it - i had a holiday i really enjoyed. I don't feel I was taking advantage and i would do the same for them if they asked and i could afford it.

Original poster
ICanBThe1 · 24/03/2019 19:01

But saying he needs help and then posting that he’s going on a holiday... that is taking the piss.

OP posts:
Babyornotbaby · 24/03/2019 19:02

No it’s not if you’re bf is happy to lend him the money. It’s between them.

You sound controlling

user1493413286 · 24/03/2019 19:02

Unless it’s meant that your boyfriend has to borrow money from you or that you two can’t go on holiday then I don’t really think it is any of your business.
I’d think it was cheeky if my sibling did that but I’d probably have asked what the money was for and if he pays it back when expected then that’s fine. £200 isn’t enough for a holiday so possibly he’d paid for a holiday then realised he didn’t have spending money or to cover it all so asked to borrow it which is fair game in my eyes as long as he pays it back when agreed.

Nicknacky · 24/03/2019 19:02

If your boyfriend isn’t bothered then he’s right, it’s none of your business.

Leeds2 · 24/03/2019 19:02

I would agree that it isn't really any of your business, unless your BF is now having to depend on you to buy things as his money has run out. And your BF should've asked him what the money was for, if he was bothered - I assume he didn't ask, and therefore isn't bothered.

Does the brother have form for borrowing money? Does he pay it back?

GPatz · 24/03/2019 19:03

He needed help financially to pay for a holiday. I've helped my sister out for something like that. What's wrong with it?

Thingsdogetbetter · 24/03/2019 19:03

Is it coming out of joint finances? Doesn't sound like it, so I agree it's none of your business.

The only way it impacts you as a couple is the fact that you are trying to control you bf's money in the guise of making sure he isn't taken advantage of.

Have you posted about this before? Unemployed brother asking bf for money. None issue for bf. Major issue for you. All very familiar.

LL83 · 24/03/2019 19:05

Have you posted before? It isn't shared finances, you aren't impacted and something about snatching a phone? If it is same person why do you expect different answers to previous very similar situation?

If it's a new poster, then if it isn't joint money it is up to bf to be annoyed, dont bitch about bf's sibling he has to realise himself. Maybe its acceptable to him, either he can afford to lose the money, knows sibling would do same for him or some other reason it's ok.

Original poster
ICanBThe1 · 24/03/2019 19:05

He does pay it back but I have to remind him sometimes what is owed. No he’s not struggling and doesn’t rely on borrowing money from me but it’s about principal and I just think why should his brother treat us as his own personal bank account?

OP posts:
DoneLikeAKipper · 24/03/2019 19:05

Are you the one who’s always on here moaning about his boyfriend giving his brother money?

Babyornotbaby · 24/03/2019 19:06

Is it shared finances between you and your bf?

Nicknacky · 24/03/2019 19:06

Do you share finances?

Original poster
ICanBThe1 · 24/03/2019 19:07

It’s not shared finances but it’s still him being taken advantage of

OP posts:
Bringbackthestripes · 24/03/2019 19:07

If your BF was happy to lend it without asking what it was for then the brother is free to spend it on whatever he wishes. He asked for money, your BF said yes. He could easily have said no if he didn’t want to lend it.
It only impacts on you because you are making an issue out of it. Your BF has no issue so leave them to their own business.

thefirst48 · 24/03/2019 19:08

You've definitely posted before about this brother.

MsPavlichenko · 24/03/2019 19:08

Is this you again? If it is I'm surprised you are still in a relationship.

Merryoldgoat · 24/03/2019 19:08

If you don’t share finances it’s none of your business.

Original poster
ICanBThe1 · 24/03/2019 19:08

I don’t get why the pressure is on shared finances, we are in a relationship with each other, I don’t like him getting taken advantage of

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 24/03/2019 19:09

So don’t worry about it. Your boyfriend isn’t being taken advantage of.

If you needed money, would you borrow it from him? So what’s the difference?

Babyornotbaby · 24/03/2019 19:09

I’m in a relationship with my bf.

What he does with his money is up to him.