DH voted leave but can't articulate why

[DifferentViews]

Sorry if this has been done before, but i need to get this off my chest and perhaps get new insight or come to a better understanding, so i can discharge some of the anger i feel.
So, i voted remain and he voted leave. Up to a point, i am prepared to accept we have different political views and can move on.
Talking to him last night, i asked, knowing what he knows now, would he still have voted leave and he said yes.
Cue a long discussion as to why and really he has no real idea what he was voting for, or what he wanted. Its just so woolly...he wanted change, but can't articulate what that would be.
It was just a knee jerk reaction to not liking the current situation and wanting things to be 'different'.
Its just made me so angry that he would still vote that way again in spite of all the evidence that things wont be 'better' out the EU.
His argument is that we don't know whether it might be better, so that gamble is worth it, but i am really struggling to see his point of view.
Please, can someone give me some idea how i can come to terms with this, so i am not consumed with impotent anger at him? Thank you.
Ps this is not meant to be a goady post against those that voted leave, if you have a well thought out argument and honestly believe it, that's great.

'Aeroflotgirl Sun 24-Mar-19 12:11:10

Yes Nanna but does not mean we are all racist, that is the problem! Those who remain bandiing about stereotypes for all leave voters.

Again I agree my OH voted leave and he is not racist. It seems easier for some people to blame the voters, rather than the government for the mess we are in.

I haven't met any, but know a forum or two where posters seem to be surrounded by them

NunoGonCalves, you're absolutely right. Set hoi polloi against each other and see what's left standing. Stupid is as stupid does.

I will go and remove the million ladybirds that have descended in the corners upstairs.

Its just so woolly...he wanted change, but can't articulate what that would be.
It was just a knee jerk reaction to not liking the current situation and wanting things to be 'different'.

Why does it matter if he can't articulate it well? He may have read/heard plenty from the Leave camp that resonated with him and made sense to him at the time but doesn't either a good enough memory or relevant articulation skills to present those things convincingly back to you.

If you don't like the current situation and want things to be different then one thing is for sure - it's pretty pointless voting to continue with the current situation.

doesn't HAVE either

max I agree. I would question my judgement, too, if I discovered myself with someone who I thought I knew, especially one who could make such a decision based on nothing!

I have two Brexiteer workmates, I'd regard as 'friends', but I can't help but look at them is a slightly diminished way, with 'voting for a change' as the best argument they can come up with, as that 'change' may well cost my DH his job, tho thankfully we all have another passport to fall back on.

Then he’s an idiot. If my dh had vited leave I would have questioned how compatible we were!

PCohle

Most remainers seem to think that leavers voted based on a rational analysis of evidence and will therefore change their vote based on changed circumstances. As this thread shows most leavers did no such thing.

I would say that this thread shows exactly the opposite, perception is a strange thing.

@laska2meryls And daft as it may seem I really haven't been able to see them ever since.. They were witnesses at our wedding too. I have had to put the photos away

Really? You've got bigger problems than Brexit if you're this affected by photos of people who voted differently to you.

Do you burst into tears if a documentary about Hitler comes on the TV?

PChole I agree.

I am stunned that there are any Leave voters left, given what we now know, but cognitive dissonance is a real thing.

I really don't understand the idea that you can't question someone on the views they hold, or be angry at them for them. Why on earth not?

Gentlemanwiththistledownhair has got it

Neither side knew what they were voting for.

What Brexit means is uncertain, how it will pan out is unsure

Remain was uncertain too, the ever changing EU and details of a progressive transformation into a federal EU state not clear

Leavers are told they are all racist bigot thicko's.... no wonder they don't fancy having to justify themselves

I am a remainer who thinks we had better get on with Brexit now and make the best of it. I do not want another vote. Just get it done now and we can all move on!

Longest because leave voters don't like having to justify why they voted as they did.

Remainers in my experience are always perfectly happy to discuss the reasons behind their vote.

I also don't get "it's the Government's fault". The options on the table are leave with disastrous consequences, remain or something very close to it, or a messy compromise that is in many ways the worst of all worlds, but probably still better than the disastrous consequences of no deal. I think they have handled the rhetoric around the whole thing appallingly, and there's been a lot of shameful self promotion all roundH, bit how is failing to bring a rabbit out if a hat in any way their fault?

I think that Leavets who are able to actually articulate their reasons for voting leave are few and far between - maybe a couple of percent of them? Apparently they exist, but I have never met one or read a coherent argument to “leave” - behind the usual vague drivel of “getting our country back” yadda yadda.

I think most of the leavers voted on the grounds of utter ignorance, combined with a deep-seated xenophobia. This is precisely why they can’t articulate it. If they were capable of recognising it, they would have the capacity to change.

I’ve met some elderly people who voted Leave “so Germany doesn’t invade us again.” Or “to stop foreigners ruining our “ways””. There is nothing you can say to these people really.

Thing is, if whoever was in charge of the country had said, after the vote: we understand the anger and we are going to fix things by dumping austerity, increasing the top rate of tax, funding more schools, hospitals and social housing, then all but the most determined racist wingnuts would have settled down again. Remember that the referendum was, in legal terms, advisory. Ever since the start of the campaign, it's been all about setting the general public against each other, blaming migrants and the disabled and 'scroungers' for the misery that has been inflicted on them by greedy corporations and bent politicians following a deranged and cruel ideology of squeezing the poor to benefit the rich.

This ^ from ReanimatedSGB deserves a repost, its a shame that so many people can't see it and prefer to snipe at each other. (and yes I know I am as guilty as others)

@constanza - what were these articulate and intelligent reasons to leave from your incredibly intelligent dh then?

Babygrey I knew exactly what I was voting for! What an odd thing to say!

I voted for the status quo, the life I was living on that day in June 2016, in the full knowledge that the EU wasn't perfect, and was in need of some change, and in the full knowledge that, like any political entity, it was an ever evolving, changing, morphing thing but the UK was very well placed to lead 'change' within that body.

I voted to remain part of an entity that allows free trade, free movement (with restrictions the Tories didn't bother to enact); that has delivered the longest period of peace Europe has ever seen.

That good enough?

Thing is, if whoever was in charge of the country had said, after the vote: we understand the anger and we are going to fix things by dumping austerity, increasing the top rate of tax, funding more schools, hospitals and social housing, then all but the most determined racist wingnuts would have settled down again. Remember that the referendum was, in legal terms, advisory. Ever since the start of the campaign, it's been all about setting the general public against each other, blaming migrants and the disabled and 'scroungers' for the misery that has been inflicted on them by greedy corporations and bent politicians following a deranged and cruel ideology of squeezing the poor to benefit the rich.. Hear hear.

A lot of this started before the campaign too - the whole austerity project was extremely harmful, nasty and divisive, turning people against each other. Cameron laid the groundwork for people to vote for ‘change’ or as a ‘protest’; and years of UK governments using Europe as a convenient scapegoat also finally took effect. It’s not surprising that many people felt antipathy towards the EU when their own governments and press have spent the last few decades mocking and disparaging it at every opportunity. A decent opposition party would have spent the last three years shouting the benefits of EU membership from the rooftops, to try and inject something factual into the discussion and give Leave voters something different to consider, which perhaps might have changed some minds, or led to a consensus. Instead we have heard nothing but entrenched views and empty rhetoric.

Why does he have to articulate anything? He has his own opinion, end of. I'm guessing that he doesn't want to discuss it because he knows full well that you won't be capable of accepting that his opinion is different to yours.

Longest It's probably the disdain with which OP types about her DHs choice.

A conversation about it is one thing, but the 'impotent anger' and other denigrations suggest OP can't talk to him and has found him wanting!

At the very least it is possible that neither of them are currently happy in their relationship! If I ever felt like that about my DH I would probably have to leave.

Remainers in my experience are always perfectly happy to discuss the reasons behind their vote.
Remainers on Mumsnet only seem to be happy to be rude about Leavers. And there's no discussion - it's 'I'm right, you're racist / thick / uninformed.....'

OP, I get it. In our house he votes Tory, I used to vote Labour but am politically homeless now. We both voted remain. The real bone of contention in our house is a second referendum. I want one, he reckons it’s anti democratic and - wait for it - would vote leave (which he thinks will be disastrous for the country) and, having done that, would never vote again! He’s a complete political loon so I reckon if he never voted again it would be democracy’s gain. He may, of course, just be winding me up.

PS Of course you’re not abusive.

Maybe Leave voters are tired and bored of justifying their choice to a sect of people who dismiss their viewpoints, refuse to accept their reasons, and minimise their concerns, whilst pouring vitriolic hate speech on them by calling them bigoted uneducated racists?

furious that's because the few Leavers who can articulate their reasons are all too easy to take down!