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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH voted leave but can't articulate why

778 replies

DifferentViews · 24/03/2019 10:16

Sorry if this has been done before, but i need to get this off my chest and perhaps get new insight or come to a better understanding, so i can discharge some of the anger i feel.
So, i voted remain and he voted leave. Up to a point, i am prepared to accept we have different political views and can move on.
Talking to him last night, i asked, knowing what he knows now, would he still have voted leave and he said yes.
Cue a long discussion as to why and really he has no real idea what he was voting for, or what he wanted. Its just so woolly...he wanted change, but can't articulate what that would be.
It was just a knee jerk reaction to not liking the current situation and wanting things to be 'different'.
Its just made me so angry that he would still vote that way again in spite of all the evidence that things wont be 'better' out the EU.
His argument is that we don't know whether it might be better, so that gamble is worth it, but i am really struggling to see his point of view.
Please, can someone give me some idea how i can come to terms with this, so i am not consumed with impotent anger at him? Thank you.
Ps this is not meant to be a goady post against those that voted leave, if you have a well thought out argument and honestly believe it, that's great.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 24/03/2019 22:21

ReanimatedSGB

I know some people that voted leave are racists, I also know that some people that voted remain are also racists.

It seems to me that the issue is that one side admits that there are racists that voted the same way that they did, yet the other side doesn't.

Same old, same old.

LateEaster · 24/03/2019 22:22

Kennehora I'd love to start a new life in California. I'll argue my case with those exact words when I pitch up at us border control 😂😂😂

And if they bounce us back I'll try it in Canada, then Oz.... I'll let you know how we get on

Kennehora · 24/03/2019 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Windowsareforcheaters · 24/03/2019 22:38

No leavers willing to respond to the point about the factual inaccuracies in leaver posts.

You have all done your research, yet you agree with and support posts that contain factual inaccuracies and don't bother to respond or correct them.

gamerchick · 24/03/2019 22:43

Maybe people are tired of getting their heads kicked in.

Thread after thread after thread asking leavers to explain themselves. It's like in doing so it can rewind time Hmm

Original poster
DifferentViews · 24/03/2019 22:55

LateEaster
Really bullying behaviour to demand answers from the poor man.
But that's not what happened.
I wasn't demanding anything, nor was i haranguing him (as an pp claimed).
I asked whether he would still have voted to leave, knowing what he knows now. And when he answered yes, I asked him what he thought he was voting for by voting to leave and it was as if he had given it no further thought other than he fancied a change, but didn't really know what he meant by that.
As it has become clearer that the consequences (at least in the short term) of leaving are monumentally bad for the country, I felt angry that his decision did not appear to have any substance to back it up.

OP posts:
dreichuplands · 24/03/2019 23:00

DH and I haven't always agreed on religious or political issues but we both have clear reasons for our stances and can articulate them. That matters to us. I know other couples who could not care less about that. I think the compatibility is the issue, not the vote.

LateEaster · 24/03/2019 23:07

Honestly op it sounds like he's not willing engage with you and is trying to grey rock you.

LateEaster · 24/03/2019 23:09

Your questions too him are echoed everywhere and it's patronising , and bullying behaviour

People are allowed too vote freely in the UK without redress

Original poster
DifferentViews · 24/03/2019 23:16

As his view is different to mine, I was seeking to understand...not to 'redress' it. There is a difference.
As you were not there (and I was) I suppose only I know the tone of the conversation, and I also know my DH, who is quite unlikely to feel 'bullied' or to employ a grey rock technique.

OP posts:
Original poster
DifferentViews · 24/03/2019 23:21

Other people, who read and understood my op, have given me valuable insight into what I think is going on with him, so for that I am thankful and I feel much less angry (although still a little bewildered and sad).
Also, my thanks to those (few) leavers who put forward their considered reasons for leaving. It has helped me understand a little of the 'other side' of the coin.

OP posts:
Menarefrommarsitwouldseem · 24/03/2019 23:23

I've not rtft. I just don't get why he would have to explain himself to you?
It's his vote fgs.

Maybe like me. He cannot be arsed to explain over and over to a remainer why.
It's like it's the remain camps sole purpose to get people to explain. No. I don't care why people voted remain, it's their choice, their opinion, their vote.

  • disclaimer I'm not a middle aged man with a shaved head and a St George's cross in the front garden. I am educated with 2 degrees and have recently completed a masters. Married to someone who isn't European I work for the public sector I don't vote Tory I haven't got love and hate inked across my fingers.
Original poster
DifferentViews · 24/03/2019 23:32

It's not that he had to explain it to me, it's that he couldn't explain, as he hadn't really understood what it all meant. He was free to stop the conversation at any point, but he chose to engage, it was just there was no substance there behind the decision, other than a woolly desire for change.
But hey, I've said all this before and I'm getting fed up of defending myself against people who are applying their own defences against me.
As my DH could choose to remove himself from the conversation, I too, can choose to not engage in this repitition any more.

OP posts:
jessicawessica · 25/03/2019 00:07

I was married for 17 years.
When I was married to my EXDH he always voted Tory, I always voted Labour.
We never questioned the other's vote as we both felt it was their prerogative.
To me this is the same as remain or leave.

CapeDaisy5 · 25/03/2019 02:44

No. I don't care why people voted remain, it's their choice, their opinion, their vote.

I don't get that, really. I'm generally interested in people's thought processes. It doesn't have to be an argument.

NewPapaGuinea · 25/03/2019 05:39

The change people desire should be directed at picking our Government, not leaving the EU

Bagpuss5 · 25/03/2019 05:46

As no one knows what life will be like out of the Eu why can remainders be so positive that it's the best option?
Ridiculous.

twocats335 · 25/03/2019 06:02

I was still the Turkey issue pointed out by the leave campaign which mainly convinced me.

Whizbang · 25/03/2019 06:25

Well I’m a remain voter who has been appalled by the boorish behaviour of fellow remainers - including a number of poster on this board.

I am also a remainer whose partner voted leave and who can discuss it with him like an adult. That’s because I’m not an hysterical idiot.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/03/2019 06:33

Windowsareforcheaters
No leavers willing to respond to the point about the factual inaccuracies in leaver posts.

You have all done your research, yet you agree with and support posts that contain factual inaccuracies and don't bother to respond or correct them.

Why do you believe that leavers all voted for the same reasons, when you have been told that they didn't?
Why should someone try and explain someone else's points to you?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 25/03/2019 07:13

You have all done your research, yet you agree with and support posts that contain factual inaccuracies and don't bother to respond or correct them. That's your point of view though. We have already argued over the make up of the EU Parliament and Commission

I assume that, despite having asserted I said something I hadn't, you would still say my view is innacurate when, in truth, I am not, I just don't see it as you do!

Arealhumanbeing · 25/03/2019 07:28

Abusive? I didn't say I'm showing my anger, i just feel angry...does that make me abusive?

No. It doesn’t. Ignore.

I am also a remainer whose partner voted leave and who can discuss it with him like an adult. That’s because I’m not an hysterical idiot.

OP’s partner doesn’t know what he thinks. She’s annoyed, not hysterical. And rightly so. It is fucking annoying.

It’s like when people vote for a political party when they haven’t read the manifesto. They just think the party leader is ‘nice’ or ‘funny’ Hmm

Dongdingdong · 25/03/2019 07:31

There's an article in today's Guardian called "love across the divide" you maybe should check out, OP. It includes a leaver/remainer

Good article - thanks for flagging it up. I think the OP (and quite a few others on this thread) need to take a leaf out of this couple’s book!

ClariceCliffe · 25/03/2019 07:34

According to remainers -
Most leavers are racist, less educated (aka thick), knuckle draggers, etc. Amongst many other charming epithets.

If someone had this opinion of you, would you want to engage with them? Knowing that they had already prejudged you as one or all of the above? Nothing a leaver gives as their reasoning behind their vote is ever going to be enough for a remainer. So, why bother?

Peanut1983 · 25/03/2019 07:42

Glad you are not my wife. Leave him alone. He doesn't need to explain his vote to you.

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