DH voted leave but can't articulate why

[DifferentViews]

Sorry if this has been done before, but i need to get this off my chest and perhaps get new insight or come to a better understanding, so i can discharge some of the anger i feel.
So, i voted remain and he voted leave. Up to a point, i am prepared to accept we have different political views and can move on.
Talking to him last night, i asked, knowing what he knows now, would he still have voted leave and he said yes.
Cue a long discussion as to why and really he has no real idea what he was voting for, or what he wanted. Its just so woolly...he wanted change, but can't articulate what that would be.
It was just a knee jerk reaction to not liking the current situation and wanting things to be 'different'.
Its just made me so angry that he would still vote that way again in spite of all the evidence that things wont be 'better' out the EU.
His argument is that we don't know whether it might be better, so that gamble is worth it, but i am really struggling to see his point of view.
Please, can someone give me some idea how i can come to terms with this, so i am not consumed with impotent anger at him? Thank you.
Ps this is not meant to be a goady post against those that voted leave, if you have a well thought out argument and honestly believe it, that's great.

In relation to answering questions, Blibbly has answered in relation to the veto; is any leaver now going to address the points raised previously in relation to Norway, Switzerland and no one knowing about changes to the EU.

It was stated categorically that Norway and Switzerland have access to the EU with no bureaucracy - I don't think this is true.

It was stated categorically that changes to the EU were brought in without our knowledge - I don't think this is true.

These were given as significant reasons for several posters voting to leave. These reasons are factually incorrect anyone want to comment?

The heart knows what the heart knows

I'm sorry but I can't accept that as a reason to bring economic calamity down on millions of people.

Voting is probably a time when head should trump heart.

This is what I would like to ask people who voted Leave, especially those who still think that was the right way to vote - and even more especially those who can't understand why some people who voted Remain are so angry.
Do you have any friends who are EU nationals, or nationals of other countries, who are currently living in the UK? How's your relationship with them since the referendum?
Some of my dearest friends have been through nearly three years of fear and misery since the result. They can't make any definite long term plans. They feel unwanted and unwelcome in a country they chose to make their home.

OP, to get to the original question of how you should cope with this - the way I look at it, nobody should have been asked. The decision over whether or not to remain in the EU is incredibly complex. Politicians should be knowledgeable and informed enough to make these decisions and they should do so in the interests of the country.

Whichever way anyone voted, we have been very badly let down by politicians. First, we should never have been asked to make the choice. Second, if we did, the referendum act should have been much better worded and either it should have been made clear that it was advisory, or it shouldn't have been advisory but should have had a much higher threshold for change.

Third, if we do leave, it should have been far better organised. Article 50 should not have been put into action until we knew what we wanted. Any deadlines should have been five years into the future so we could have everything we needed to in place before leaving.

Your husband, whichever way he voted, is not to blame for this shitstorm. Nobody voted for this chaos. As a remain voter myself, this has all been far, far worse than I could ever have predicted because it's all been driven by political self interest, not by a sense of doing what's right for the country.

If your marriage is generally a good one, just tell yourself none of us should have been asked to vote at all. If on the other hand your husband's attitude reveals something else about him, well that's something you may need to explore, but not in anger.

I suppose I can understand the belief that one wants to detach from a group and a set of alliances.

But I am not sure that I understand the idea that we'll be better off without access to drugs that save people's lives, without being linked up to international systems of security, without being part of a successful trading network and without access to sources of regeneration funding.

There's a difference between the fantasy of freedom and what that freedom will actually be like.

There's an article in today's Guardian called "love across the divide" you maybe should check out, OP. It includes a leaver/remainer, Spain/Catalonia, republican/democrat and protestant/catholic (NI with Orange/nationalist family in the background). Its an interesting read.

Is your husband angry at you because you voted remain? you should just respect each others votes, leave it at that and get on with life.

I haven't read full thread, just the first and last few, so I'm just responding to SGB a few posts ago.
My dh is South African. We both voted leave. One of the reasons we voted leave was because we wanted more global movement, more global trade, and, rightly, wrongly, or naively, felt that being in the EU restricted this.
So, our relationship is just fine; we are optimistic that leaving will result in more people from the commonwealth etc immigrating here.
When dh came here in 1997 as a dentist, 28 of his uni class from SA were here. I don't think that has been able to happen in the past decade or so.

@kennehora I am pritty certain that if any other EU country had just one of their public schools filled completely with foreign children/parents then they would want their country to leave the EU as well, their countrys heritage would not be forefront, it is not being racist it is about people looking after their best interests. Some immigration is good, but not taking over a whole school/society it is just to much. Especially when the UK clearly does not have the infrastructure to cope, lack of housing/medical/schools/public services e.t.c

Well said @jimmyjammy001 !

@Kennehora
That's not my experience at all. I have a very good friend who is french who understands my reasons to leave, there was good intention behind my reasons. She is not remotely concerned that she would be kicked out, neither has she has had to spend a penny.

arethereanyleftatall
One of the reasons we voted leave was because we wanted more global movement, more global trade, and, rightly, wrongly, or naively, felt that being in the EU restricted this.
Interesting. Not an argument I've ever seen before.
we are optimistic that leaving will result in more people from the commonwealth etc immigrating here.
Again, a very unusual reason.

I think you need to look up the immigration rules that Theresa May brought in since 2010 which are British so will be unaffected by Brexit.

arethereanyleftatall

That's an interesting one.

Reason #5128 why the referendum's result was a crapshoot, though. On top of the stupidly narrow margin of 52:48, it turns out that the 52% were voting for Leave in the hope of wildly different results. If we were going to have a referendum, we should have hammered out what the options actually were first.

I wouldn't have ever called 52:48 the Will of the People even if it had been my preference in the lead, because it totally lacks integrity to handwave numbers like 48% away. But at this point, I can't see how the Leave votes can be even taken as a "Will of the 52%" themselves because it seems this section of the electorate all wanted and anticipated completely different things. Plenty of people wanted to leave the EU to limit immigration into this country full-stop and they would have absolutely vomited at the idea that Leaving the EU could lead to more healthcare workers from India and Pakistan moving here.

It is absolutely screwed up that we are in a situation where people wanting to leave the EU because our rules on non-EU nationals are too strict are being counted with people who want to limit immigration altogether, and pretending it serves as 'democracy'.

Those rules were made when we had no control over how many Europeans could come in, nor which skills they should possess. We had to be far stricter on immigration from nonEu countries. The government will be freer to amend these rules post Brexit to allow for more global movement, but for those possessing the skills we require.

arethereany
The government will be freer to amend these rules post Brexit to allow for more global movement, but for those possessing the skills we require.
but the main jobs that need doing in the UK are cheap low skilled manual - that is what the UK has imported from
Empire / WW2 POWs / Commonwealth / the EU

and TM wants to limit all immigration ....
Remember this ....
www.channel4.com/news/immigration-advertising-van-go-home-standards-authority

That is so true Jamievardy. I, an utterly non racist person who wants more immigration, is on the same side as the complete opposite. It's all a bit bonkers.,

Your poor DH op! Maybe he knows what it's like to be trapped And wants out.

DH and I voted differently and had no problems at all!

Really bullying behaviour to demand answers from the poor man.
Maybe he knows exactly why and he knows your so wound up about it he doesn't want too talk about it with you.
If you were my partner I wouldn't want too.

I'll tell you this for nothing. No matter what Theresa May says about serving the Will of the People, you and the anti-immigration voters can't both get what you want from this.

Nope.

Ffs stop falling out over politics! Not just you OP, but everyone! People have their vote, they're entitled to it. They don't have to articulate "why" to anyone. What's happening is happening. So either way we just have to ride it out and see where we're at. Really no point in discussing it if it's going to cause arguments and animosity. Some of my friends and I have differing views, we can discuss it like adults and agree to disagree. I refuse to discuss differing political (specifically Brexit) views if it's going to have such an effect. We'll all still be family/friends once it's all over, whether we're in/out/deal/no deal!

Goosey
Brexit is not about politics
its about jobs, trade, food supplies, and the future of our childrens' relationship with the rest of the world.
Watch what this Tory had to say