DH voted leave but can't articulate why

[DifferentViews]

Sorry if this has been done before, but i need to get this off my chest and perhaps get new insight or come to a better understanding, so i can discharge some of the anger i feel.
So, i voted remain and he voted leave. Up to a point, i am prepared to accept we have different political views and can move on.
Talking to him last night, i asked, knowing what he knows now, would he still have voted leave and he said yes.
Cue a long discussion as to why and really he has no real idea what he was voting for, or what he wanted. Its just so woolly...he wanted change, but can't articulate what that would be.
It was just a knee jerk reaction to not liking the current situation and wanting things to be 'different'.
Its just made me so angry that he would still vote that way again in spite of all the evidence that things wont be 'better' out the EU.
His argument is that we don't know whether it might be better, so that gamble is worth it, but i am really struggling to see his point of view.
Please, can someone give me some idea how i can come to terms with this, so i am not consumed with impotent anger at him? Thank you.
Ps this is not meant to be a goady post against those that voted leave, if you have a well thought out argument and honestly believe it, that's great.

I agree BoneyBack, and had to keep quiet on social media whilst my Remain friends really had a go at the leave voters and turned quite nasty and aggressive, I just did not want to get drawn into it, I deleted one of them due to their insistence that they wanted no leave voters on their FB friends list. I was discussing my reasons with a remainer friend, when she bust into tears and started crying that there will be a second holocaust, because the majority voted leave, and how this was going to give rise to white supremacy.

Well the Neo Nazi movement is rife in Germany, that is where it all started, not in the UK where we were fighting against it.

Yes of of course we have white supremacy here, but don't you think Europe does not have a problem.

How on earth is it abusive that a spouse wants to know the reasons why their partner voted the way they did in the most important vote of our time? confused if tout can't talk about that with your chosen life partner, what the hell?!

I agree with this.

@Aeroflotgirl

This articulates perfectly, why I voted leave

Oh lord, there are some howlers there! I'm going to assume you are genuine though and respond to the list:

1. We’d get our money back
   
   We've already lost more than we would save

2. We could decide who comes into our country
   We always could, UK Gvt chose not to implement the controls the EU allows

3. We could make our own laws again
   We already can for anything except where EU needs members to align so as not to distort the internal market. We also have input into EU laws.

4. Our courts would have the final say over those laws
   Yeah, that's valid - as long as we have some level of adherence to EU laws we also need to rely on EU courts for those parts of our law. Not for all our laws.

5. We wouldn’t have to accept decisions forced on us by other countries
   Ha - good luck not kow-towing to US and/or Chinese demands once we are out of the EU! Also, ask Scotland, Wales and N.Ireland about having decisions imposed by other countries

6 )We wouldn’t have to listen to lots of European presidents
Valid I guess, but really is this important enough to sacrifice our global standing, economic stability and safety?

7. We wouldn’t have to listen to, or fund, the European Commission
   See 1 and 6

8. We could have proper vacuum cleaners
   Because who cares about the environment any way?

9. We wouldn’t have to worry about Turkey
   We didn't anyway, we have a veto

10. We could set our own tax rates
    Valid, an aligned single market does need aligned VAT

11. We could support British companies in trouble
    Corbyn likes this one :)

12. Fish!
    You know our fishermen sold their quotas, right? Of course we might have got better deals if our MEP rep for fisheries had bothered to turn up instead of just pocketing the salary, expenses and pension

13. We could get rid of windfarms
    see 8

14. We could have blue passports again
    We always could

15. And our own entry lanes at airports
    see 6

16. We wouldn't have to fund EU foreign aid
    This one is probably valid. I'm not sure why a single market needs to have an aid policy.

17. It would be easier to get rid of fridges
    see 8

18. No more stupid recycling bins
    and 8 again

19. British MEPs would be sacked
    Yeah, cos we'll have no power whatsoever in EU

20. Finally, we could have proper lightbulbs again
    and that's 8 again

@Aeroflotgirl it's not a hole it's a factual inaccuracy

If you can live with voting for a reason that is demonstrably wrong good for you.

I couldn't.

I think my mum has the right idea. She won’t tell anyone who she votes for. It’s a private vote and she keeps it that way.

blibbyblobby I am glad that you find that enjoyable, these two remainers above demonstrate my point exactly. I voted due to my reasons, just as you have to yours.

Looking back on the Telegraph list, I think what worries me is not so much the validity or otherwise of the reasons, but the sheer lack of proportion in the cost / benefit between the reasons given for leaving and the impact of doing so.

To me, it seems like cutting off your leg because you chipped your pedicure.

Good on your mum Sirzy, opinions are like arseholes, everybody has them, does not mean we want to see them.

Not met a Leaver who can explain their vote in tangible terms. I vote remain to have certainty. They voted for this esoteric sovereignty 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Aeroflotgirl

Honestly, I am really glad you posted it and I do appreciate it. I guess I'm just a bit sad to see stuff like "we can crush waste fridges" and "we want blue passports" on the list given what we have learned since 2016.

I explained my reasons. Not a vacuum cleaner in sight.

At least one poster was courteous enough to acknowledge my points, even if it was to disagree.

No that is not why I voted to leave due to the blue passports or fridges, yes I am annoyed at the less powerful vacume cleaners. We haven't even left, and it is in a mess, the government has made a mockery of us as a country to the rest of the world. Why have a referendum. There was no clear plan on how to leave as nobody thought that it would happen. Just annoyed by it all.

I've noted it's mostly Leavers who are so horrified at the idea of people falling out, permanently, with friends and relatives who voted the other way in the initial referendum. I think, though, in the majority of cases, these fallouts are due to the fact that one 'side' basically revealed themselves to be a racist in a way that could no longer be ignored or brushed off as being 'old' or 'poorly informed'. There are, after all, people who have managed to retain good relationships with those they know who voted the other way, usually after some discussion of each other's reasons.

Actually I lied. One poster acknowledged one if my points... the others remained ignored until I asked... when one if them was explained as being outwith their knowledge.

So I gave explained... with no passport, vacuum or other of those examples included.

Why? Why did you need to post that Reanimated?

@Aeroflotgirl

There was no clear plan on how to leave as nobody thought that it would happen. Just annoyed by it all

On that we can agree 100%. As a Remainer I would be far less arsey if the Leave vote had been for something defined and tangible, something we could work together to implement.

I might still be gutted and heartbroken, I might still feel like the things I see as best in this country had been betrayed, but at least I would understand why.

ReanimatedSGB

The only people that I have "fallen out" with over this are online. My friends, relatives, colleagues whether remain or leave have all remained civil and haven't dropped anybody, but then I suspect its because we respect each others opinions and no-one has believed the stereotypes that are flung about online.

@ReanimatedGB

I've noted it's mostly Leavers who are so horrified at the idea of people falling out, permanently, with friends and relatives who voted the other way in the initial referendum. I think, though, in the majority of cases, these fallouts are due to the fact that one 'side' basically revealed themselves to be a racist in a way that could no longer be ignored or brushed off as being 'old' or 'poorly informed'. There are, after all, people who have managed to retain good relationships with those they know who voted the other way, usually after some discussion of each other's reasons.

WOW. Just wow. Just when I thought I had read it all on here.

Also

I am not horrified at people falling out with family, I just think it's pathetic and laughable, and incredibly childish and petulant.

@Ferns99

I've seen posts on here where some who voted remain have said they're no longer speaking to friends and family members because of how they voted in the referendum. One poster just the other day actually said she wasn't going to let her kids see her mother (or MIL?) again because she voted leave. I can't imagine cutting off a member of my family for voting a different way to how I did - it's just bizarre and very sad.

And this sums up some of the remainers in a nutshell!

How utterly ridiculous and petty. Makes you wonder how these people get through life, seriously!

I just think it's pathetic and laughable, and incredibly childish and petulant

Sadly I think open racism is every one of those things too, with a nice sprinkle of “abhorrent” added into the mix.

So rather than have to listen to - always unsolicited racial slurs - I have simply cut contact. Perfectly civil, no arguements, just withdrawing from the two situations.

Notice how most of the reasons to leave stated in the Telegraph article talk about getting rid of environmental legislation that protects our planet.

Ive yet to hear an articulate answer as to why Leave is Good idea. I fear there are a lot of people like your husband, unable to explain what needs changing and who were hoping a fundamental shift like leaving might shake things up for the better. Its becoming increasingly
apparent that Leave is disastrous for the Uk but people don't like to admit they were conned by Leave's false promises.
His attitude would really annoy me too Op !

@CuriousaboutSamphire
the others remained ignored until I asked... when one if them was explained as being outwith their knowledge.

Are you meaning my response to you about TTIP? If so I certainly didn't intend to suggest it is outwith my knowledg. My point was that while I understand why it might drive a Leave vote I think ultimately it won't help as the US pressure will come back again and harder now when we are outside the EU

Not met a Leaver who can explain their vote in tangible terms

aaaaargggghhhhhhhhhhhhh