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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want my x-DH not to bring his girlfriend (the woman he was sha**ing whilst I was pregnant with dd) to my ds' sports day?

91 replies

peachypie · 10/07/2007 22:50

I really would like a few opinions about this. My first feelings are absolute anger and if she comes anywhere near I wont be responsible for my actions. (im normally not a agresssive person)

Thanks

OP posts:
binkleandflip · 10/07/2007 22:51

Not being unreasonable at all - but you cant stop him coming, mores the pity.

babblington · 10/07/2007 22:52

completely with you on this one. unacceptable.

fingerwoman · 10/07/2007 22:52

well, I can understand how you feel about the situation but at the same time would also understnad why he wants to take her (although it's rather tactless to say the least)
I would just stay well out of their way.

Elasticwoman · 10/07/2007 22:57

You could smile sweetly and say loudly "Hi! Wrecked any other child's family recently?"
and maybe "How long do you think before he does the same to you?"

The Other Woman is a bit brave to consider going to this event, isn't she?

handlemecarefully · 10/07/2007 22:58

Not in the least bit unreasonable. Insensitive arse!

handlemecarefully · 10/07/2007 22:59

elasticwoman - or shameless

Original poster
peachypie · 10/07/2007 23:00

So many occasions that should have been a happy time having children etc have been under a this grey cloud.
Why cant they see how hurtful it is?
Can they just not let me enjoy my kids for once with her being involved.

OP posts:
Wotzknot · 10/07/2007 23:00

Most children would be happy with one parent there, not the whole bloody tribe. "There's your mum, but whos' that with your dad?" Its not about the tag alongs, its about the kids.
No, won't hurt to not have her there.

YANBU

handlemecarefully · 10/07/2007 23:01

Show him this thread, damn him and his empathy bypass!

Original poster
peachypie · 10/07/2007 23:05

Thanks.

Yes she is a bt brave going or wanting to go I thought this too?!

If it was the other way round i would be hanging my head in shame.

I have told him its about being there for DS not an occasion to validate his relationship.

Im not sure if she just doesnt want me and x-dh to be there together, not that i would probably be stood with him anyway.

OP posts:
Wotzknot · 10/07/2007 23:08

Not brave, brainless

Original poster
peachypie · 10/07/2007 23:09

LOL

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 10/07/2007 23:10

Isn't it amazing how little shame there seems to be from some people, and too much guilt from others (or even the same people) about things that are not their fault?

Like the friend I had who used to apologise every time she turned up at my house either for being a little bit early or a little bit late. Once she even apologised for being on time. But when she sent us a Christmas card with my dds' names on it but not ds she did not apologise even when I pointed it out.

Heated · 10/07/2007 23:10

I just hope there isn't a mother's race!!

Wotzknot · 10/07/2007 23:10

I hope it works out OK for sports day.

handlemecarefully · 10/07/2007 23:11

t'will probably be cancelled due to rain in any event!

Elasticwoman · 10/07/2007 23:12

Perhaps you should suggest a Scarlet Women's race. Mind you, she might then be racing on her own!

handlemecarefully · 10/07/2007 23:12

Guffaw!

Surfermum · 10/07/2007 23:14

Dsd's mum didn't want me at sports day. She told dh that she would have me arrested if I turned up. I hadn't been "the other woman", she was the one who ended the relationship to be with someone else. It was apparently OK for her to be there with her partner, but dh had to come alone.

It was double standards on her part, but it was about dsd and her sports day and having her mum and dad there to watch her. There was absolutely no way I would put dsd (or the school) in the position of having a scene, so I stayed away.

If this woman has any sense so will she.

Elasticwoman · 10/07/2007 23:16

Another thing you might say to her is

"What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder"

(In legal language, as my dad used to say, the male embraces the female.)

However, she might be too thick to understand your subtlety.

Elasticwoman · 10/07/2007 23:19

Don't know how she could have you arrested, Surfermum, but appreciate your fear that she would make a scene. At least you were selfless and mature enough to do what was in dsd's best interests.

Twinklemegan · 10/07/2007 23:19

I presume she knew your DH was a married man at the time he was "sh*gging" her? If not, she doesn't deserve the vitriol (sp?).

Original poster
peachypie · 10/07/2007 23:20

Thanks everyone and thanks sufermum its good to hear the other side of things.

If she hadnt had the affair with him whilst i was pregnant and met him later i dont think i would have a problem with it. Its what she has done and how she had no respect for me or my family and had no qualms about having a relationship with a married man.

OP posts:
Original poster
peachypie · 10/07/2007 23:22

YEs she knew he was married and she also knew we were trying for our 2nd baby?! the mind boggles.

OP posts:
Heated · 10/07/2007 23:22

Actually a lovely occasion for making her feel completely left out!

Shared memories with your ex, comments about who ds takes after when he wins or loses, you knowing all the other parents, smiley and confident, looking fantastic, super food (cos she can't cook) ...I can see her now, looking like she's chewing a wasp.

You'll look like a yummy mummy, he'll wonder why he left, she'll give him earache or sulk all the way home.