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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move my 10 year old daughter I to my room?

94 replies

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:09

I don't know what else to do.

I am in 3 bedroom terrace. No 2nd room downstairs. Just kitchen and small living room. Corner couch no room for a pull out.

I have 4 children. 3 boys sharing a room. 1 daughter.

I'm in double room. My 3 sons are in double room and my daughter in box room.

My sons fight constantly. The eldest is 14. Then 12. Then 7.

Its mental. They cannot share such a small space.

I am in a housing association property and in the area I am in there is no social housing. The waiting list is HUGE.

There's no point going on the exchange list because everyone wants to move here so any swaps would take us out of the area and I don't drive so need to be close to both schools. Also I have medical needs and need to stay in the postcode to keep my doctor.

Would I be unreasonable to get one of those triple bunks with a double bottom and single top for DD?

I know in a few years she may need some privacy but for now I can't think of anything else.

OP posts:
Original poster
FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:10

Most nights when her dad isn't here she gets in my bed with me anyway...

OP posts:
BorsetshireBlew · 23/03/2019 10:10

Put the 7 year old boy in with you. He'll have to move back in with the older boys at some point but hopefully your eldest will be moving out by that time.

NoTNoShade · 23/03/2019 10:12

I would also move the seven year old into your room.

And be ridiculously strict with them falling out with each other..

angieloumc · 23/03/2019 10:13

Does your partner live with you?
If not I think it's fine; if there's a solution to stop your sins fighting you need to take it.

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/03/2019 10:13

I would put the 7 and 10 year old together.

angieloumc · 23/03/2019 10:13

*sons even, sorry!

PumpkinPie2016 · 23/03/2019 10:15

If her dad stays for part of the week then I'm not sure her sharing with you would be a good idea - at 10, she is getting towards puberty and it's not really appropriate.

RandomMess · 23/03/2019 10:15

I had 2 in bunks in the box room. Your DD can still come in with you when your DH not there?

Who are the 2 that fight the most/ what are the main triggers?
I assume the 3 have the largest room?

MrsApplepants · 23/03/2019 10:16

Put the 7 year old in with you.

Original poster
FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:16

I've tried the 7 and 10 year together. It doesn't work.

TBH most of the shit is the 7 year old.

Maybe him in with me would be best. Hmm

OP posts:
AwdBovril · 23/03/2019 10:17

I would be much harsher on the arguing between your sons. Their inability to act decently is not a good reason to deprive your DD of a bedroom of her own. If you were a single parent I might think differently, but you say your DH is home some nights - she will hit puberty soon & will find the bedroom situation intolerable.

Original poster
FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:17

Obviously if DD was in the bunk and her dad was staying over we wouldn't have any kind of intimacy.

OP posts:
Divgirl2 · 23/03/2019 10:18

Not ideal (although no solution is) but could you get a comfortable sofa bed and sleep downstairs? Then give oldest son a room, two younger share, and DD a seperate room.

Otherwise you're just going to have to move, there's no other way. Plenty of people move GP and move schools and manage fine. Unless your home is in the best area in the country with loads of family support and loads of jobs and the best schools I don't think it's really feasible to stay there.

Imagine if your daughter wanted to have a friend round, or wanted to get away from you for a few hours.

Girlundercover · 23/03/2019 10:19

Why should your daughter lose her room because 3 boys don’t behave?
They will still fight you know, but now there will be nowhere for your daughter to go for peace and quiet.

Seems unfair to me .

BritInUS1 · 23/03/2019 10:20

Move the youngest boy in with you and then when you have someone stay over put him in the boys room for the night

Original poster
FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:20

I really can't move. I have crippling anxiety and have taken years to get a good relationship with my GP and feel comfortable doing the school run ect. I still have panic attacks at school. I couldn't restart it all. I just couldn't.

Plus moving area would trigger me moving to universal credit.

OP posts:
RaspberryRuffless · 23/03/2019 10:20

Doesn’t seem very fair to take your daughter out of her room because the boys can’t get along. She’ll need her room back at some point anyway.

Original poster
FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:21

My daughter doesn't behave either. She's as bad as the boys. If not worse.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 23/03/2019 10:21

Is your partner dad to the youngest two? Does he live with you and work nights, or not live with you?

Original poster
FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:22

Maybe I should just sleep on the couch and let them have the bedrooms.

It's a good sized corner couch.

And when they are at their dads I can sleep in a proper bed

OP posts:
Crockof · 23/03/2019 10:23

@girlundercover Why should three children share a room just because they have willys but the one without get their own room?

Op can you divide the two bigger rooms in half and you have the box room?

pinkhorse · 23/03/2019 10:23

You need to be stricter with the boys. Don't punish your dd for her brothers actions

MyNewBearTotoro · 23/03/2019 10:23

Definitely move your 7 year old in with you.

At 10 years old your DD is about to start puberty and periods etc - she needs privacy and definitely can’t be expected to share a room with her Dad several nights a week!!!

Original poster
FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:23

They are all his kids.

We divorced a few years ago but we are in a slow relationship again.

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 23/03/2019 10:23

You issue isn’t bedroom space. It is behaviour. If you move your daughter out of her room, your sons learn that bad behaviour gets results and your daughter, that boys come first.