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AIBU?

To move my 10 year old daughter I to my room?

94 replies

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:09

I don't know what else to do.

I am in 3 bedroom terrace. No 2nd room downstairs. Just kitchen and small living room. Corner couch no room for a pull out.

I have 4 children. 3 boys sharing a room. 1 daughter.

I'm in double room. My 3 sons are in double room and my daughter in box room.

My sons fight constantly. The eldest is 14. Then 12. Then 7.

Its mental. They cannot share such a small space.

I am in a housing association property and in the area I am in there is no social housing. The waiting list is HUGE.

There's no point going on the exchange list because everyone wants to move here so any swaps would take us out of the area and I don't drive so need to be close to both schools. Also I have medical needs and need to stay in the postcode to keep my doctor.

Would I be unreasonable to get one of those triple bunks with a double bottom and single top for DD?

I know in a few years she may need some privacy but for now I can't think of anything else.

OP posts:

Report

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:24

Totoro you are right.

I think the best option is for me to just sleep on the couch.

OP posts:

Qcumber · 23/03/2019 10:25

Sounds difficult but I think you will need to move. You will have to eventually, they're all going to grow up into teenagers. You can't squeeze 3 teenagers into a bedroom together, and you can't expect a teenager to share a room with their parent. I think short term move the youngest boy in with you, but you should start looking for bigger properties.

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:25

It's not just behaviour.

My son is 14. He needs privacy.

He has non.

He has no space to revise or do his homework.

OP posts:

IvanaPee · 23/03/2019 10:26

Is your partner their dad?

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:26

"look at bigger properties"

I'm in council accommodation. I can't just say give me a 4 bedroom.

They don't exist.

OP posts:

Crockof · 23/03/2019 10:26

Op

That sounds like a possibility. Give the 7 year old the box room as you say he is the hardest, your dd your room which you will share but sleep downstairs when she is home and the two eldest share

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:26

Yes. He is their dad. All of them.

OP posts:

steff13 · 23/03/2019 10:26

Can he stay with his dad?

Divgirl2 · 23/03/2019 10:27

Probably going to get flamed for this but is there more space at their dads? Because this situation does not sound liveable long term if you're not willing to move.

Maybe one or more of them could live with their dad more nights a week.

wonderingsoul · 23/03/2019 10:27

Would the box room take a double? If so you have that and then separate your room so the girl and 7 year old can share.

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/03/2019 10:29

Bit confused your do is the dad of all your dc but you don’t live together?

MyDcAreMarvel · 23/03/2019 10:29

*dp

juneau · 23/03/2019 10:31

Get a sofa bed downstairs for you. Put the 14-year-old in your room. Leave your DD in the box room and the two younger boys sharing.

TidyDancer · 23/03/2019 10:32

@MyDcAreMarvel the OP has explained the relationship dynamic - there was a divorce but they are seeing each other again.

OP I be looking at changing your discipline of them and doing what you can to effect a behaviour change before messing with the bedrooms. It doesn't sound like the situation is ideal any other way.

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:32

Yes. We split a few years ago because of pressure. There was a lot going on. Illness. Financial issues and we drifted apart.

Since we have had some space we reconnected and have been 'dating'.

OP posts:

AnnieMay100 · 23/03/2019 10:33

A decent sofa bed for you, split largest bedroom then they each get their own room. This is what I will have to do with my own children in the next couple of years and it’s somrthing I accepted. Moving to a 4 bed is unrealistic and eventually you’ll have to downsize anyway, so this arrangement would just be until your eldest goes to uni/moves out. Your daughter shouldn’t have to give up a room when she’s going to be starting puberty soon and sharing with a brother wouldnt be fair for same reason. Teenagers need their own space from the 10 year old too. Fighting may calm down once they have their own space to go to. My sisters and I had your current set up as teenagers and as a result grew up hating each other, no space or respect for belongings nowhere to be alone etc so I hope you manage to sort something

RandomMess · 23/03/2019 10:33

Def the 7 year old in with you.

Then I think you need to work on everyone's behaviour/house rules.

Have a family meeting to agree house rules?

I wonder if you are all in a hideous cycle of "bad" behaviour...

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 23/03/2019 10:33

Partition the 2 double rooms with curtain or similar down the middle, each child gets their own space and you take the box room.

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:33

I probably do need to step up with my discipline. I was overly disaplined as a child abused and I find it hard to do

OP posts:

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 23/03/2019 10:35

I think doing some sort of division of the two biggest rooms, with plywood, a hanging curtain or blind or a large bookcase to make some sort of separation and privacy. single bed in each for the kids then you take the boxroom? or share the divided bedroom with daughter?

Passmethecrisps · 23/03/2019 10:35

They separated mydc. It reads like he comes over sometimes.

It doesn’t sound tolerable for anyone OP. One possibility is you move downstairs. Another is moving the youngest in with you.

If the relationship with their dad is a slow moving one then he needs to step in tk help and the lack of intimacy this would cause isn’t really a priority. Where does he live? Do they ever go and stay with him? Even if it was only for a night or two a week, one or two of them staying with dad would give some space from each other.

Dimsumlosesum · 23/03/2019 10:36

My friend slept in the same small room as his three brothers when he was a teenager. They all had bunk beds.

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Ithinkmycatisevil · 23/03/2019 10:40

Are either of the double bedrooms big enough to put a stud wall in and split? I know lots of people who have done this in housing association houses, they usually don't mind so long as it can be taken down when you leave.

FatKatt · 23/03/2019 10:40

Tbh the big bedrooms are small by normal standards. It's a 1950s mid terrace.

I don't think I could divide them. Though it's something to look into definitely.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 23/03/2019 10:40

I would be telling your DD that her keeping the box room is dependent on her improved behaviour else she'll be sharing with you

Tell the older 2 they need to make it work else the 7 year old is back in with them if behaviour improves you will work out a way to improve their privacy such as creating a dividing partition etc.

I assume you have games consoles? I f so where are they?

What are the main arguments/triggers?

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