To move my 10 year old daughter I to my room?

[FatKatt]

I don't know what else to do.

I am in 3 bedroom terrace. No 2nd room downstairs. Just kitchen and small living room. Corner couch no room for a pull out.

I have 4 children. 3 boys sharing a room. 1 daughter.

I'm in double room. My 3 sons are in double room and my daughter in box room.

My sons fight constantly. The eldest is 14. Then 12. Then 7.

Its mental. They cannot share such a small space.

I am in a housing association property and in the area I am in there is no social housing. The waiting list is HUGE.

There's no point going on the exchange list because everyone wants to move here so any swaps would take us out of the area and I don't drive so need to be close to both schools. Also I have medical needs and need to stay in the postcode to keep my doctor.

Would I be unreasonable to get one of those triple bunks with a double bottom and single top for DD?

I know in a few years she may need some privacy but for now I can't think of anything else.

[Thisisthelaststraw]

Well you’ve flounced but in case you’re still reading.. would it be possible/permitted to use attic space?

I think you’ve had some really good suggestions here. Room division is still an option(funds permitting) and the Murphy bed is also really good. Have a look at IKEA for examples.

There are a few vids on you tube showing space saving ideas and room partitions for teens. I’ll try to find and link. There’s one that comes to mind for three teen girls, part of a blended family I think.

On another note have you done/considered CBT for yourself? I did and though it didn’t eliminate my anxiety it certainly helped and I use the methods regularly to help control my anxiety.

I hope your Dh is doing his fair share. Perhaps couple counselling could help you both and as a joint force, singing from the same hymn sheet, you can ease any hidden worries the dc may have and tackle behaviour issues.

I wish you well

[BlueEyedPersephone]

@FatKatt If you're still there.....
I think you have two choices 1) move the children into the two double rooms with cabin beds so desk etc underneath, low bed for 7 yr old, use bookcases or storage unit to divide. You sleep in boxroom on biggest futon you can Or 2) sleep on sofa bed, get EXH to contribute to decent one! Then put oldest and girl in separate rooms and middle two together similar to 1)

[Thisisthelaststraw]

Hope that link worked. It’s the first of four vlogs showing the room division. It’s a large room divided into three but you could do it with your 2 largest rooms divided into 2 and then you take the box room.

Kids don’t necessarily need space they need their own space.

It wouldn’t need to be very expensive either. Call in some favours from friends. Have a ‘room remodelling’ party, get in some drinks and nibbles. Get the kids to paint their rooms. It might take a bit of saving but that could help with behaviour ‘this is the plan kids but it won’t happen if the fighting etc continues...’. Ikea is your friend for affordable storage solutions and some pretty cool ideas.

Good luck 👍🏼

[IvanaPee]

I’m still confused!

If he’s their dad, can one of them live with him?

[pootyisabadcat]

If he’s their dad, can one of them live with him?

Then she's lose her legacy benefits and be put on UC.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

DH and I sleep on a backbreaking knackered sofa bed in the living room as we have 4 kids in a 3 bed house. It's not ideal but it's essential.
6 bodies all awake and active in said living room at once is soul destroying however.

[MyDcAreMarvel]

Then she's lose her legacy benefits and be put on UC.
No she wouldn’t as she would still have a tax credit claim open for other dc. Dc dropping off a claim dont trigger a change to UC.

[theredjellybean]

bunks in the box room and 7 ds and 10 dd in there together for now
she is 10 not 13 so you probably have 1-2 yrs before puberty and periods etc
hopefully more
by then maybe older boys will have grown up a bit or oldest might have moved out.
I shared with my brother until i was 11 and he was 13...we had no choice 2 bed house
If father not living there fulltime..why dont the kids go to there fathers some nights ? maybe rotate that so some nights you could have one of ds in dd room as dd at her dad's ?

[juneau]

If you Google 'how to have privacy in a shared room' there are lots of ideas OP - many of which look relatively inexpensive to do.

[ScarletBitch]

I think you do need to speak to your Housing Association/ Council to get your Housing needs reassessed.

Unfortunately until then your DC are going to have to behave and understand that their fighting is making you miserable.

How about putting the eldest in the box room, your daughter in with you, and the other 2 share?

[NutElla5x]

I'm overcrowded like you op, so have been sleeping on my couch for years (and usually with the bloody dogs too lol). Not ideal,but I figured it's my fault (and their absent dad's) that we're overcrowded so it's me who should make the sacrifice. It's really not too uncomfortable once you get used to it........ if you enjoy sleeping dead still and straight, scared stiff to move incase you squish a dog in your sleep

[ScarletBitch]

If her Ex is staying over few nights she needs to be careful the DWP do not make assumptions.

[pootyisabadcat]

No she wouldn’t as she would still have a tax credit claim open for other dc. Dc dropping off a claim dont trigger a change to UC.

But then what if the father then moves Child Benefit to his name and opens up a UC claim on the child as a dependent?

[Mmmmbrekkie]

Not ideal,but I figured it's my fault (and their absent dad's) that we're overcrowded so it's me who should make the sacrifice

Exactly how I viewed it

[Mmmmbrekkie]

f her Ex is staying over few nights she needs to be careful the DWP do not make assumptions.. Probably fair assumptions tbh

[blue25]

It's just not a big enough house for 4 kids is It? You need to move as other people do when their family outgrows their house. Alternatively work on the behaviour so there's less fighting.

[Skyejuly]

We had this situation till we moved to a 4 bed. We had the eldest girl on her own in box room. 2 girls in big room and then the youngest in other room. We slept on sofa!

[MitziK]

If it comes down to sleeping on the sofa, make sure that your daughter keeps a bedroom of her own and the 14 year old gets the other single. Don't reward the worst of the behaviour by giving the worst behaved child their own room.

[MyDcAreMarvel]

But then what if the father then moves Child Benefit to his name and opens up a UC claim on the child as a dependent?
Then the father will be in receipt of UC and the mother of tax credits- two seperate claims.