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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother in Law

79 replies

mothersandsons · 22/03/2019 07:20

Hi. I’d be grateful for your thoughts on the dilemma we face...

Keeping a long story short my MIL is someone who compares (outwardly) what she has against what each of her boys have and also each of her sons against the other. Forever, she’s unhappy and makes a point of making an situation awakard and unhappy.

As an example, we had invited everyone to our first house warming party. She made it all about her and bossed my husband and I around, ruining a special moment for us. She was outwardly critical of our house and of the arrangements we had made, my clothes so on...! When we had our LO (preterm) she was nasty and told us his arms and legs would fall off...!!

I think it’s fair to say I really dislike her. Lol

When we bought our second house, we didn’t tell her. We said we were renting to avoid questions about how much it cost and how much each one of us had paid towards the deposit and then our individual wages. She had done exactly this with our first home. My husband didn’t even want them visiting us, for fears of how she has ruined things. I’ve said he’s fine to ask them to come over whenever, but he doesn’t want to.

We are now in the process of starting work on our home (extending and renovating)... and we don’t seem to be able to decide when to ask them over... FYI whenever she comes she brings univited guests (usually around an additional 10 people).

So... do we

  • get her in and out before the extension starts
  • get her in and out whilst the extension is going on
  • or after the extension finishes

We have no intention of telling them we own the property... that last time she cried (in sadness) when we bought our home because her eldest didn’t have his own home... then she cried, again, and told me I would spend my life crying about my LO after he was born because her eldest didn’t have a boy!!

Thoughts ladies...

OP posts:
thankssomuchforthat · 22/03/2019 07:24

Is this for real? She sounds deranged.

ApolloandDaphne · 22/03/2019 07:28

She sounds batshit. I wouldn't be inviting her over ever!

CallingDannyBoy · 22/03/2019 07:29

Or you could not invite them at all?

Who brings round an additional 10 people? All the crying?

Prequelle · 22/03/2019 07:30

I wouldn't be speaking to her at all. The limbs falling off comment is appalling and enough to cut the fucker out.

Hollowvictory · 22/03/2019 07:32

Don't invite her at all. Why would you!? It's not compulsory to invite dreadful people to your home. I haven't seen my mother for 8 years, it's bliss.

DailyMailFuckRightOff · 22/03/2019 07:32

Don’t invite her at all? At best she sounds controlling and horrid.

flumpybear · 22/03/2019 07:32

I'd keep her at arms length ... unless they fall off 😬

CallingDannyBoy · 22/03/2019 07:32

I don’t think she would believe that you are renting if you are extending the house.

Damntheman · 22/03/2019 08:21

Wow don't invite her round at all! It's been working out really well for you, and who the hell needs 12 guests all at once??

Aquamarine1029 · 22/03/2019 08:23

I would live as though she doesn't exist. Refuse to have her in your life at all.

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2019 08:26

Why invite her at all?

HebeJeeby · 22/03/2019 08:35

Another on for “don’t invite her - ever!”

Blondebakingmumma · 22/03/2019 08:37

Who the hell dis she invite? I would have turned them all away.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/03/2019 08:39

When we had our LO (preterm) she was nasty and told us his arms and legs would fall off...!!

What on earth did she mean by that?

Just go NC with her honestly. Why would you not?

Moondancer73 · 22/03/2019 08:41

Wow, she sounds batshit. Definitely a vote for not inviting her at all. I'd say the less you have to do with her the better!

BlueMerchant · 22/03/2019 08:42

I wouldn't invite (them) her at all. You are adults with your own lives.

CalmdownJanet · 22/03/2019 08:43

I would go for option 4:
Bring her over alone while the extension is going on, kill her and bury the bitch under the foundations.

It's the obvious option surely

FromDespairToHere · 22/03/2019 08:50

Calm down CalmdownJanet 😁

Seriously though, why would you invite her over? I understand to an extent when people on here maintain a relationship with nasty ILs for the sake of their DP but yours doesn't want her there either, so why would you?

diddl · 22/03/2019 08:56

*" I’ve said he’s fine to ask them to come over whenever, but he doesn’t want to.

We are now in the process of starting work on our home (extending and renovating)... and we don’t seem to be able to decide when to ask them over..."*

Why are you thinking of asking at all if your husband doesn't want to?

Springwalk · 22/03/2019 08:58

Don’t invite them at all, ever.

Why do you feel you have to?! I wouldn’t want that woman anywhere near my home or child.

Invite your friends over instead, people that are happy for you.

NotSorry · 22/03/2019 08:58

My husband didn’t even want them visiting us, for fears of how she has ruined things. I’ve said he’s fine to ask them to come over whenever, but he doesn’t want to

listen to your husband - he doesn't want them there

UnspiritualHome · 22/03/2019 09:02

Your husband doesn't want her to come, you don't want her to come, and it would make her unhappy to come. Seems to be a no-brainer.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 22/03/2019 09:03

There's no positive reason for asking her over at all. Your husband doesn't want her there, you don't want her there and she would only get upset and spread misery everywhere. So it's best for all concerned it you just don't invite her.

Happynow001 · 22/03/2019 09:04

My goodness she's certainly doesn't add anything good to your lives does she?

Another vote for not inviting her - why would you, especially if your husband doesn't want to?

In fact, shame she has your address... Grin

Bookworm4 · 22/03/2019 09:06

I think granny needs some alone time, she sounds unhinged.
You're lying about buying your house; does that not say something?
Why are you living in fear of this nutter? Cut her off.
Or go with @calmjanet extra foundations