To wonder what we have done?

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

Just had a beautiful baby girl 4 days ago but I am really struggling.

My poor 2 year old DS has had his world turned upside down by a baby who just screams constantly.

In the day time she wants to feed constantly so I’m stuck on the sofa. She won’t be put down or given to anyone else.

At night she screams all night long. Doesn’t sleep. Won’t feed just bobs at the nipple getting mad.

DS was a terrible sleeper as a baby so I really hoped this time round would be better but it’s a million times worse.

She is beautiful and I love her so much, I just can’t cope with her.

I was told that there is no such thing as a 'mild tongue tie'; even if it looks minimal, it can make a huge difference to functionality.

She managed to sleep on DH for 2 hours earlier which gave me a bit of a break. Had a feed an hour ago and had fussed and cried since, she just can’t get comfy or fall asleep. Just latched her back on laid down so will see if she nods off like this.

3 hours of feeding, rocking, shushing and she still won’t sleep. She is trying to but then just can’t settle. Spits out the dummy.

I’m so tired.

I second the tongue tie- you need to get a specialist lactating consultant to diagnose as nurses and GPs don't see enough. (My friend does this so that's how I know and my DN had

You are doing so well OP, don't worry it will all fall into line. We all felt the same - you DS will love his little sister and it will all be fine. Right now take it easy and let your DH comfort him and also get DH to take baby so you can cuddle your DS from time to time.

Sending you hugs.

I thought that if the tie is enough to form a heart shaped tongue would imply more restriction rather than less. It really sounds like my third. She was working really hard to get anything else so fed and then fell off worn out with the effort. Then woke up hungry again v soon after.

The cut at 9 days was the absolute best thing we ever did for her. It wa instantly transformative!

Oh love, I've been there - 18m between my DS and DD. She had silent reflux and would just scream and scream. I would leave her in the bouncy chair downstairs, basically throw DS into his cot and rush through a story so he got his alone time, but I felt like I was failing everyone and would cry every evening.

They are 9 and 7.5 now, one school year apart and, my God, they are the best of friends. They are so close and so loving; it brings me such joy to watch them together. It was the hardest year of my life at the start but the returns have been more than worth it.

I know it feels awful right now, but trust me, your DS will not remember these months and he will soon have a best friend and playmate on tap. My DS loves his little sister so much - he'll sometimes just drop a kiss on her head, look at me and say 'isn't she adorable?' like a proud father. He doesn't feel displaced or jealous, because he doesn't remember a time without her!

I tried a cranial osteopath, eliminating dairy and ranitidine, but the only thing that made a difference for us was time, I'm afraid. Co-sleeping meant we all got the most sleep we could (in my case very little) and DS learned to sleep through anything!

You will get there and you will be so glad you had them so close together. Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself x

My first didn’t have reflux but he was a bad feeder, got terrible wind and wouldn’t sleep except on me. I tried co-sleeping but just didn’t sleep as was too worried about suffocating him etc. He was also born at the start of a heatwave and I was told not to swaddle him as it was just too hot.

I got a Babymoov Cosydream and it saved things for us. It’s kind of like a very thin mattress with a slight dip for the head, and a removable support for the legs. I know sleep positioners aren’t recommended, but I don’t personally think it really counts as one when you look at the kind of thing mentioned in the reports.

I used to feed my son with him on the Babymoov in my arms, then just plonk the whole thing in the Moses basket. Lifesaver.

Just had my second a few days before you and while she’s feeding well now, she also won’t sleep unless she’s on me or next to me and cuddled up. I can’t get her into the bedside crib, but am able to get some sleep because she’s swaddled and on the Babymoov next to me so physically can’t roll or end up on her side.

Could be worth a look. The bedside crib thing is also potentially an option- I didn’t have one the first time around but borrowed one and at least it means I can have her next to me without worrying about the duvet/rolling on her. I’m slowly working on inching her over and into it.

Good luck! First bit is tough stuff.

I felt like this too.
I had an 18 month age gap. DS was a dream baby and I had an easy pregnancy. When DS was 8 months, we decided to try for number 2. Just before DS 1st Birthday I found out I was pregnant.

Within months, DS turned into the toddler from hell. I found out that I would have to be closely monitored during my pregnancy and that it was a very high risk. Towards the end I was having daily monitoring, 3 scans a week and DD had to have a procedure done in the womb. It was awful.

When DD came early, she was healthy and we were so happy. For the first month she just slept and then became a hellish baby, constantly miserable, screaming, colic. DS was a nightmare too.
I was miserable wondering what the hell I had done. In the end when she was about 4 months, I phoned the HV and broke down.

She was AMAZING! So supportive. She recommended I put DS in nursery for a day a week and speak to my GP. I ended up having counselling for mild PTSD after having the most difficult pregnancy and a few traumatic experiences during that time. DS eventually settled into nursery and things started to improve.

Now they are 5 and 3.5 and they are delightful. I absolutely adore them and they are so much fun.

I no longer feel a failure. It doesn’t seem it now but there is light at the end of the tunnel. It’ll take time. I feel bad as DD’s baby days are a blur and I have few happy memories but I was just surviving.

It’s all good now xx

I just wanted to update this thread and to thank the people who posted on it- you all helped me more than you will ever know.

At day 5 DD had lost 12% of her birth weight and was jaundiced. We were readmitted for her to have phototherapy and be put on a feeding plan to include formula top ups. She started sleeping, all the time! We were having to wake her every 3 hours to get the milk in her and she stopped screaming!

At day 8 she was discharged and had her tongue tie snipped. All of a sudden she was a different baby! I managed to drop the formula top ups and go back to just breastfeeding and she continued to sleep for 3/4 hours at a time.

She is now 4 months old and an absolute delight! Very rarely cries, is such a happy little sole and has been sleeping 8-6 at night for 2 months now!

To anyone else who is struggling in the early days- it really doesn’t last forever. And seek medical advice if you aren’t happy with how your baby is behaving. DD was screaming for the first 4 days because the poor thing was starving as my milk was slow to begin with.

Soul, not sole! She isn’t a fish!

OP what a lovely ending. I had a similar tongue tie experience, once cut my child was so different. I was furious at the original staff who said he didn't have one.

Lovely update OP, and a positive message for any other mums struggling in the early days.
So glad your little girl is healthy and happy and congratulations on your family

It's only a few days in. Mine were 13 months apart. You'll find a routine and it'll be ok. Accept ANY help that anyone can offer, if you're lucky enough to have any. Either way, you'll be ok. 💟

if one sides slight tongue tied,she might feed better facing one direction?its awakward/pillow prop solution. congratulations.xx