To wonder what we have done?

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

Just had a beautiful baby girl 4 days ago but I am really struggling.

My poor 2 year old DS has had his world turned upside down by a baby who just screams constantly.

In the day time she wants to feed constantly so I’m stuck on the sofa. She won’t be put down or given to anyone else.

At night she screams all night long. Doesn’t sleep. Won’t feed just bobs at the nipple getting mad.

DS was a terrible sleeper as a baby so I really hoped this time round would be better but it’s a million times worse.

She is beautiful and I love her so much, I just can’t cope with her.

Search Google for your local osteopath, near me a couple of them had lactation consultants at drop-ins, who would check for tongue tie. My friend's baby was helped a lot by the osteopath; I coslept and mine used to curl in like you describe but he has no issues except being a very cuddly boy.

Day 4/5 is hard for everyone; your hormones crash and your baby is cluster feeding to build up a supply. The crying and constant feeding is startling, but you may remember that from last time. Keep an eye on her weight, but remember when you look at the charts that breastfed babies tend to grow slower initially and then zoom up later. Mine went from 50th centile to nearer 25th in the first couple of weeks and then gradually gained up to 98th some months later, with height to match. If you fancy giving an occasional bottle of formula to help then it's not going to do any harm; mine was a refuser but most of the tricky breastfed babies seemed to get on better with Hipps Organic rather than aptamil and other brands. Good luck!

Sending so much love, its really hard when hormones are raging, and baby isnt cooperating! Its a hard bump back down to reality from what we imagined it might be. I know lots of people hate this advice, but babywearing is your friend! Baby is in her favourite position, and on mum, being rocked by your movement and hearing your heartbeat which is her familiar noise. You don't feel as "tied down" and have hands to pay some attention to DS. My DD hated being held by anyone else for months (still not a fan at 2!) but would ALWAYS fall asleep if DH or my mum walked her in the wrap. You can get a stretchy fabric one from Amazon for a tenner. Sending hugs xx

If you don't have syringe in, if you have the syringe that comes with calpol you can wash and use this to feed expressed milk. Just a thought for the here and now. X

You could try different dummies. My Dd loved the cherry shaped ones. She hated anything else.

I’ve nothing to add but hugs and sympathy. It is the shitest of times, exhausting, tiring. I remember my 16 month old DD when we brought a screaming baby DS home. She just joined in the wailing and frankly I wanted to bolt out of it all and thought exactly the same as you. It’ll get better, eventually.

It’s such early days. Those first weeks are so hard. My youngest is 1 now and his sister thinks he’s the best thing ever. It’s been nothing but wonderful once we got past the hard bit.

You need to figure out a system where your dh can take her so you can sleep. My dh used to do bath and bed with the older one, while I did the baby. Then once he was fed and asleep, I’d hand him off to dh to wear in the wrap and go to bed.

He’d wear him, sometimes walking in circles around the lounge for an hour or two at a time to keep him sleeping while I slept. We’d do this every night from 8pm to 1am, with a feed in the middle. Then I took over after 1am. It meant I got 4 ish hours of sleep every night.

It doesn’t last forever. He was sleeping happily beside me from 4 weeks and sleeping through by 3 months (and ebf).

Hi OP

I just wanted to say that, like many others here, I’ve been where you are. I had DD2 when DD1 was 2.5. I felt like I had made a huge mistake for the first few weeks.

I too had images of lovely walks with my two children, baby asleep in pram. DD2 was not an easy baby (DD1 was, so it was an utter shock to the system) and she did not seem to receive this memo. She never napped. Like never. Not for more than 5-10 minute dozes. She was incredibly nosey (still is) and terrified to miss anything. Her sleep at night wasn’t too bad but DD1s sleep regressed and neither of us were getting any sleep and our marriage started to suffer for it.

It was relentless. And I wasnt even breastfeeding! The guilt I felt about DD1 was overwhelming as well. She completely ignored her new sister.

But...you find your groove. You do. I promise. You will come through the other side. DD2 is 20 months now and DD1 is 4. They are good pals, they love each other so much. Just starting to play together. They run about and jump on top of each other (DD2 is wild and genuinely seems to have brought DD1 out of her shell a little bit). DD1 can’t remember life without her sister at all.

I’m not going to say it’s plain sailing now. DD1’s sleep is atrocious and as I said, DD2 is wild. But it is so, so much easier and I wouldn’t be without DD2 for a single second. She is the funniest and most affectionate and loving little soul I’ve ever met.

And it passes so, so quickly.

Please just hang in there. Just keep swimming. There is another side xx

Bar seeing the MW, I would suggest a cranial osteopath, letting your baby sleep on their side (yes I know it’s not recommended BUT if it's the only way they sleep, then so be it) and checking for reflux (the constant crying day and night wouod be alive away for me, even wo any vomiting).

FWIW when Dc2 was a baby, he did the same than your baby. Couldn’t out him down and he would only sleep on his side with his head stuck in my arm pit. What I found worked was to make him sleep in the baby bouncer (it reclined quite a bit), swaddled and on his side. That’s the only way he wouod actually sleep for a bit....

Bobbing at the boob, getting frustrated and being there all the time suggests she is struggling to feed properly. My DD was very similar and once we had her tongue tie snipped it got a lot easier.

I really hope you can get some support from midwives and/or health visitor.

I got some.great bf tips from Kelly mom even though I'd bf twice before

I was were you are seven weeks ago. Down to the same reason for not formula feeding as he uses the breast for comfort.

My boy also headbuts the boob. He won't lie flat so sleeps on me. Has been diagnosed with reflux - don't know if anyone else hS suggested this as no time to rtft but maybe worth thinking about?

DD is four, she was miserable at first but I'm managing to still put her to bed every night. She's adjusting but it will take a while I think.

Day four is notorious for all the F's : feeding, fatigue, feelings and the four letter F word. Be kind to yourself. What is happening today doesn't mean it will happen tomorrow.

I've PMed you with the details you asked for, OP. I promise it will get better.

The midwife sent us to the GP who has given her some gaviscon to try. Today she is very much the same, feeds, nods off, 20 minutes later (or earlier if I move her) she wakes and cries. Fingers crossed the Gaviscon helps.

Ah that's a pity. Did you see my post on expressing some milk and syringe or cup feeding her it to see if it's hunger? Xx

There is no such thing as a 'mild' tongue tie. Even ties that looks tiny can cause issues as the tie can hold down the back of the tongue meaning that baby can't feed efficiently. Any tie should be cut. Can you afford to get it done privately? It costs around £200 and is done at the same time as the consultation.

All 6 of mine have been tongue tied and even if feeding isn't painful it can affect feeding massively.

Oh dear, sounds like my DD. She had the fists of fury and the screaming, scrunched up face of fury to match. A cranial osteopath sorted her out (forceps related trauma). It changed the world for us.We swapped to bottle feeding (reflux) and that too made it so much easier. Do whatever you feel is best, don't feel pressurised.

Also going to suggest you revist the tonguetie situation - DS1 had partial posterior tongue tie, I was extremely lucky that the hospital he was born in had a paediatrician who was doing a survey on the effectiveness of tongue tie revision, so he agreed to do it.
The results were great - went from 2h feeds to 40 min feeds, much more effective.
DS2's also needed revision - he was clicking and gulping and had reflux because of his - again, huge improvement.

The paed told me that tongue tie snipping can make no difference up to a huge difference, and that it didn't often matter whether the TT was severe or mild - a severe TT revision could make no difference, a mild revision could make a huge difference and vice versa. As I said, Ds1's was mild and it made a huge difference.

Agree that it's utter bollocks about 'mild' ties not requiring treatment - this is not something that can be diagnosed by looking at the tongue independent of feeding difficulties.

op. Hope you get seen to soon.

Gaviscon was an absolute lifesaver for us, fingers crossed it is for you too.

Thanks everyone, I will mention the tongue tie again to the midwife tomorrow. She has a heart shaped tongue but has a good range of movement.

WhenZogateSuperworm Try not to panic. It's early, early days and it's ok to all be exhausted and just hunker down with TV, easy food and blankets for a while. You've all got plenty of time in the near future to get out and about.

Newborn babies are meant to be held. They're meant to feed frequently. Their stomach when they are born is the size of a marble, so please don't worry that you're not producing enough milk. It's very, very unlikely.

She wants to suckle and be close to her mummy. That's perfectly natural. It's hard work, but it won't be forever.

If you're not up to going out, get your DH or someone else to take her for a walk in a pram or sling a few times a day. The movement might soothe her and it will give you a break.

Maybe have a look for breastfeeding support groups in your area. They will definitely be able to help you x

Hope you get a bit of sleep op. Solidarity here x

Check for upper lip tie as well - both my boys had that, and that affected DS2 more than DS1 as he couldn't splay his top lip properly. Once the TT was fixed, they got on much better but I'm in a TT group and upper lip tie can also affect latch.

Also "good range of movement" doesn't mean her tongue will do what's needed for latch. But you're going to talk to the MW, so that's good - just PUSH them, don't let them fob you off with "good range of movement" because that is less important than "good latch and feeding" :)