To wonder what we have done?

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

Just had a beautiful baby girl 4 days ago but I am really struggling.

My poor 2 year old DS has had his world turned upside down by a baby who just screams constantly.

In the day time she wants to feed constantly so I’m stuck on the sofa. She won’t be put down or given to anyone else.

At night she screams all night long. Doesn’t sleep. Won’t feed just bobs at the nipple getting mad.

DS was a terrible sleeper as a baby so I really hoped this time round would be better but it’s a million times worse.

She is beautiful and I love her so much, I just can’t cope with her.

Has your milk come in?
A friend had a difficult birth with her second and lost a lot of blood.. baby wouldn’t stop screaming days in and she eventually noticed baby’s mouth was dry. Midwife told her that heavy blood loss can cause a delay in milk coming in.. she gave a bottle immediately and baby absolutely guzzled it and settled. They went on to have a long and happy bf relationship after her milk came in. If your milk is in and baby is doing the expected wet nappies plz ignore! Just wanted to put it out there. Hugs for you. The guilt is awful. And the stress.

She's hungry.

My son bobbed. He had a TT despite good movement etc. Lots of skin to skin, a sling. You'll be fine, your son sounds wonderful. Congratulations

4 days in is hard work, your milk has most likely only just come in and your little girl is adjusting to a big new world. Do whatever you need to do to make life easier for you all and, above all, be kind to yourself. It will get easier.

Yes my milk is in.

Yes we would cosleep, however the guidelines for this are the same- baby rolls on to their back after finishing a feed. At the minute she is staying in her side curled in to me and if I love her she wakes and screams.

4 days! You need to be kinder to yourself.

You said your milk has come in but are you sure you're producing enough? I can't advise as I have always been a milk making machine but my SIL had a lot of trouble feeding as didn't make much milk. Bub was always hungry. She managed to get her supply up by pumping in between feeds.

No idea if I am making enough, possibly not, it’s impossible to tell really at this age.

I breasted DS for the first year and he fed every 90 minutes day and night for 6 months/ I’ve said this time round I won’t do it if that’s how it goes.

I would also recommend a cranial osteopath or similar with a speciality in babies. DS1 had problems with his right arm because he'd had his thumb in/next to his mouth since about 20w gestation, it seemed, and I couldn't get his arm to straighten out. 2 visits to the cranial osteopath and his arm would straighten no problems, and it allowed him to breathe better as his bent up arm was also causing his chest movement to be restricted.

Please see if you can find one and give it a go. x

It sounds as if she has reflux, if you can after a feed try her in a bouncy chair with any-shirt that has you scent on, if this works then I’d buy a reflux pillow (pillow on a 45d angle)

I definitely think she has reflux, from you last post, ds used to roll on his side as it was more comfortable, it wasn’t true reflux, however the valve in his little throat did not develop so when he was placed on his back after a feed the milk used to project back up causing his utter discomfort, (think burning heartburn)

Oh love, you're doing so well. You're in the hardest of positions at the hardest of times. How long is DH off work for?

Fwiw my 3rd is now 5mo and I also have a 2yo. It's been really hard and no way does my 2yo get as much time as she used to. Gong from 1 to 2 is a real shock while you work out that balance. When I did it my eldest was 4 so it was easier but I struggled going from 2 to 3 simply because of having a toddler and needing to meet their needs. Here are my top tips for toddler. Make toddler lunch the night before. Make sure lots of books are downstairs. Set up activities the night before. Don't be worried about using the TV - find something that makes him jump around lots. In a few weeks when the feeding has settled it will feel easier.

May I suggest you get the tongue tie looked at again, perhaps within the private sector. My second had a mild posterior tongue tie and I was told good range of movement and wouldn't effect feeding. Except she was combi fed and she couldn't latch properly. I gave up breastfeeding by the time she was 3mo. DD3 had tongue tie and the difference it made to latch when it was cut was unbelievable. I also think that seeing an osteopath might help. I have spoken to many people over the years who have seen them. No one that I know has left an appointment without their issues being fixed. Obviously it happens but I definitely think it's worth a try.

One last thing. Get DH to help with night feeds. I've done so much myself that i have a baby who only eats and sleeps for me.

It's still early days OP! You are only 4 days PP, give yourself a break!
I'm currently 5 weeks PO with DS, and also have a 2YO DD. The first few days are hard, you have literally turned their life upside down with the new arrival and so can be hard for everyone to adjust to the new family dynamic. My DD is getting there and is slowly understanding her brother needs more time with mummy or daddy (I'm FF) and it just means she sometimes has to wait a few minutes before we can cuddle her/play/feed her etc.
I know it feels like it will last forever but you will find your own pattern soon, Bf is ridiculously hard so well done you for persevering so far!
Speak to your MW/HV about how you're feeling, they're there to ensure you have every opportunity to speak to the right people if you need too, and encourage the right support from the beginning!
Every day is a new day, and if it's a difficult day or night, take tomorrow as it comes. I promise you will find it easier as LO will sleep and settle in their basket before you know it.

Not sure if this will help but when DD was in NICU years ago they put all the babies on lambskin fleeces as they had found it comforted them. We continued with this at home and DD always slept well. I don’t know if this is still done but if it is, then could be worth a try. Oh and the hospital also used dummies for the tube fed babies to ensure they kept their sucking reflex. We did too and there were no problems with teeth etc.

oh hun.i just want to come and give you a big cuddle.
of course you will like her.
when people are sick or hurt we don't then hate them for being with them through a particularly crying,hurting tough time.so you wont with your baby she will grow up and you wont remember this feeling you only know of it in memory.
but you need to do things to keep going.keep finding nuggets of calm and goodness.what could that be for you?
don't feel guilty ove ryour toddler.that another burden you don't need to bare.he will be fine.expain to him in the best ways you can.tell him all the things you plan to do with him.sit and play games.ask him about his day.lots of snacks and films etc
keep reassuring eacohter with your dp.he cant help but he can and will be by being in this together.
id be there in a second if I thought I could help.
hold tight.

Just a thought but if you had a difficult delivery then so did she! She may have a headache, sore neck, be feeling a bit battered herself and the only way she can make it known is with a good scream. Time will hopefully settle things but if not then maybe a paediatric Chiro/osteo? Big hugs all round, I guarantee you are doing a much brillianter job than you think!

She’s hungry. Give her a bottle if you need to.

You poor thing. Hold on. Take a day at a time. Manage your expectations - the first fortnight is so tough.

I was loathe to spend money on fads but bloody should have,. Try:

• an extra layer on baby
• sheepskin
• take to private doctor to check tongue tie. NHS does eff up from time to time
• follow reflux advice (eg keep them upright after feed for 30min etc)
• if you feel your brain starting to explode, seriously don’t feel bad about formula. Regardless of what people say, it is possible to use formula a little at the beginning and go back to breastfeeding.

As for your son - they will have an amazing relationship! You are my deserting him with dad - he’s having the opportunity of a lifetime (and opportunity many children don’t get) to rely on dad and develop that close bond. He’s lucky to have a loving dad and a new sibling.

Everything looks awful in the middle of the night! It’s so so early, you are doing a fantastic job.

I’ve got 4 and in the very first few days found that the toddler was interested in the baby but for short periods. DH’s job was to look after the other children and me if possible! He took them swimming, to the park, their usual playground etc if running. It definitely kept their little world more stable and they could cuddle ‘their’ new baby whenever they wanted.

If I was you, as soon as she is fed at a decent time this morning, I’d get out. Gentle walk in the fresh air will do wonders for you and screaming sounds quieter outside!

Hang in there, this too will pass!

Aww that sounds tough. I had issues with baby latching fine but not sucking properly and breast compressions really really helped. Look them up on kellymom. My other thought is that she sounds overtired - I'm sure you've thought of that too but sometimes it's hard to think clearly in those rubbish early days! With my first it took me ages to realise that sometimes he was actually tired rather than hungry and so there was no point trying to feed him. It will get better eventually! DS will be fine too and they will have fun together though it may take a while - I'm afraid my two only really started playing together when the younger one was around a year.... Take any and all offers of help and make sure you are still eating and drinking (won't affect milk supply but will make you feel better).

Could your baby have reflux?

(Flame away BF supporters, I can take it, but offer advice and suport to the OP first please!)

This is the second post today that I've seen this particular poster make a tit of themselves by going on about the militant breastfeeders who will force OP to breastfeed... Who then never materialise.

Bless you it’s so hard. I just about hated the first 2wks as my poor 2yr old was in bits and I was exhausted establishing breastfeeding. I found a myhummy, persevering with the breastfeeding (it got easier eventually and I didn’t have to faff around with bottles so in the long run I spent more time with my older child) and relying heavily on my husband, family and nursery in the early days helped. I don’t know your situation, but maybe one of those things could help you. Also, do you have a local NCT branch? They often have breastfeeding support available and there’s a 24hr breastfeeding support line if you need help/advice at all. Good luck with the dummy and I really, really hope things improve quickly.

If it was a nurse who said mild tongue tie, do get a dr to check it.

Day 4 is just hell. Dd wouldn’t be put down at all for the first week (which is a natural instinct thing, she didn’t want to get eaten) then suddenly at the one week mark she settled in her Moses basket and was fine from there on in , don’t panic, just cuddle her and keep her safe from those non existent lions