To wonder what we have done?

[WhenZogateSuperworm]

Just had a beautiful baby girl 4 days ago but I am really struggling.

My poor 2 year old DS has had his world turned upside down by a baby who just screams constantly.

In the day time she wants to feed constantly so I’m stuck on the sofa. She won’t be put down or given to anyone else.

At night she screams all night long. Doesn’t sleep. Won’t feed just bobs at the nipple getting mad.

DS was a terrible sleeper as a baby so I really hoped this time round would be better but it’s a million times worse.

She is beautiful and I love her so much, I just can’t cope with her.

Thank you everyone. We survived the night and DS is currently asleep on DH chest so at least I know today if I go upstairs for a sleep then she will eventually settle for him.

I will look into the oesteopath. She does seem to have real issues lying on her back, she isn’t flat and just rolls to one side. Will get some more advice on feeding today and am going to get some formula ready for tonight incase we feel it will help.

Bless you op, day 4 is a battle. It's all so new still and you're not able to recover. I remember it well.

It sounds like my dd who had reflux. Would sleep upright on someone, I slept many a night against guidelines with her on my chest because I just couldn't cope anymore. It's still early so it could just be she's still shocked and uncomfortable at being out in the cold/bright world!

I wish I could come and bring you some food and let you sleep, it's what I wish someone had done for me !

We had this issue and she was getting no milk, went to formula and it was like a switch

Bless you. It's so hard in the beginning. My first ds was like this, we saw a cranial osteopath and the improvement was huge, maybe worth a try?
Your 2 year old probably won't remember this, it's harder for you than anyone. Sending hugs. Xx

Oh, OP, this was me 10 months ago. DD2 was just miserable all the time and I didn't know what to do. She fed constantly, seemed to be always in pain, wouldn't be put down, wouldn't be given to anyone else, woke up and screamed the minute she was put in a bouncer, cot, swing, car seat, would only sleep on me. My DD1 (3 at the time) was miffed at having no mummy time and her behaviour became atrocious - loads of attention seeking and being naughty. I was on my knees. I cried all the time.

I remember people saying 'wind her and hold her upright after every feed' and I thought 'she doesn't stop feeding! When am I meant to wind her?!'

We got her tongue tie corrected and saw a breastfeeding specialist but she never really got the hang of feeding properly. The person I saw compared it to trying to feed through a squashed straw i.e. they can do it but the effort required to feed is such that they never fill up properly, exhaust themselves trying, and then wake up because they're still hungry. They also take in lots of air this way and so they end up full of wind and in a lot of pain. Sometimes they just don't learn to feed properly despite your best efforts at positioning and latch.

Saying that, 4 days is still very, very early days and I don't know any Mum that isn't exhausted, ruined and wondering what they've done at that stage.

My advice would be to see a tongue tie practitioner privately and also a breastfeeding consultant (they may well be the same person). Then give it a few weeks (and I know that seems like a lifetime away now). If you're still in the same position at four weeks, think about getting a maternity nurse to help. Ours saved my sanity but they aren't cheap. And do see a cranial osteopathist. It wasn't the magic bullet for us but certainly helped. If you are in the Midlands I can recommend all of the above.

And OP. It's really tough. DD2 is now a very happy baby who sleeps really well. You will get through this stage - just keeping putting one foot in front of the other.

how long does she sleep for, less than say 30 mins after feeding? does she pull her legs up when she is screaming? does she projectile vomit? does she always scream a lot after feeding like 20 or 30 mins later?
if so i would experiment in trying a lactose free formula for a bottle or two and see if it makes a difference, not saying give up breast feeding, not at all... but if it doesn't get easier and she doesn't get calmer keep it in mind as something to try, might work might not
i expressed for 3 months and my daughter never slept longer than 20 mins in a row ( i kept a dairy and noted each sleep as she had them hard to look back on it) she screamed constantly, pulling her legs up , in genuine pain, projectile vomiting so forcefully it would land outside the bassinet, i asked doctors if she would be lactose intolerant etc etc always got told oh no she wont be getting that from you cause you are also intolerant and not taking it in, they said colic or re flux, tried all sorts of shit to add in the breast milk or give her drops before feeding, hospital visits etc... my friend came to stay and said she would watch her while i got a bit of sleep, while i was sleeping she and my mother gave her lactose free formula.... she slept for the first time since birth, the first real sleep, the first sleep that she wasn't in pain, she slept 12 3/4 hours we kept checking her and poking her as we couldn't understand how she was sleeping this long and this peacefully
i didn't look back, put cabbage leaves in my bra and got tins of formula, it was the best decision for her and for me

I remember thinking ‘what have I done’ on around day 4. It was nothing but feelings of despair and doom. Its when your milk comes in.

I had VERY similar with DD and again she is 2.5 now and always been a crap sleeper 🥴 i gave her a formula feed in the night otherwise she was unbearable xx

We were told at hospital that tongue ties were 'fashionable nonsense' and there was no such thing. DS couldn't feed properly and screamed without end for 6 weeks until we sought a second opinion & got it sorted. Things improved massively from there feeding-wise. to you, it is very hard!

I had 3 under 3.my first child screamed constantly.midwife came every day and weighed her..keep going ,with breastfeeding she said.by 2 weeks she turned up with senior midwife and they said I either put her on a bottle of formula,or she goes in to hospital.shed lost weight..prior to that visit they kept on encouraging me to breast feed ,they didn't ever tell me to give her formula,or tell me she was hungry.id clearly not been producing much milk.
Once on the formular I quickly got a routine going,bath ,bed ,
bottle .second one I didn't attempt to bf,and he was sleeping through by 6 weeks in same routine,3 rd one had his first bath in with his brother and sister ,bottle and bed by 7 on first day home ,I was asleep by 8 pm every night,again sleeping through by 6/7 weeks.
I learned the hard way with my kids ,for mine the screaming meant hunger.i used dummies ,as well,I tried lots of different shaped ones till I found one that suited.they were all weened at 4 months .big hungry babies need food my gp said...6 foot 4 and 6 foot 2 now big strapping lads the boys are....it is hard at the time op...I was devastated I couldn't Breast feed .i felt a failure at doctors with their Breast is best posters..but 20 yrs later I can see it really didn't matter .x good luck.

@StepAwayFromGoogle we are Midlands so if you could PM me some details that would be amazing thanks.

It makes sense that she might not be feeding efficiently. She falls asleep quickly on the boob but then after 30 minutes wakes.

Reflux could be an issue but she isn’t sick. I will keep an eye on it. Obviously at only day 4 I don’t feel like I know her at all yet and every day seems different.

I am going to ring the midwife this morning to see if they will come out and see us today.

Another one who suggests an osteopath.
The doctor pointed us in the direction of one that was sort of a charity/ pop up clinic. You just paid a small donation .
The result was pretty much immediate .
Best of luck

Hang in there OP.

The beginning is really tough with 2.

My 2 year old was still waking 7-8 times night when DS2 was born (DS1 had severe reflux for years). Our initial plan was DH deal with DS1 and I deal with newborn DS2. Except that DS1 wanted mummy and would scream for ages in the night with DH. If I went in, he settled in a couple of minutes.

Eventually, no one was getting any sleep so I said I'd do both boys. One night I kept a tally chart and I got up 22 times between DS1 and DS2!!!!!

After a while, DS1 accepted DH more readily at night and DS2 settled a bit better. But still, I look back on that time in horror.

They are now 5 and 7 and usually lovely.

Day 4 is an absolute hormonal nosedive. Hang on through it.
Congratulations on the birth of your little one 🙂

Just another one to say reflux may be a possibility. They do not need to be sick with reflux. Both mine had silent reflux - it’s the acid coming up that causes the pain. One of the tell tale signs is the way they arch their back when screaming. The night cluster feeding was also what elder DD did and it nearly broke me. With DD2 I moved her on to the formula reflux milk much earlier on and it seemed to help. Just do what is best for you whilst trying to keep her as upright as possible - which is tough when all you want to do is sleep. Try talking to the midwife - see if they are any better about reflux these days. Baby gaviscon is also an option. You will be fine but it is tough.

There’s 23 months between my older 2. We found a new normal surprisingly fast after my husband had had paternity leave and my mother left after coming up to stay for a week. Our routine mostly continued as normal but with a baby attached to my boob. We did lots of reading stories, jigsaw puzzles, sticker books and watching cbeebies in the early weeks. Sling for ds2 and co-sleeping so I was vaguely functional during the day helped lots. We did introduce a dummy after the first 8 weeks, I held off to establish feeding properly but he was latched on constantly in between feeds for comfort. He still didn’t sleep much or settle if I put him down.

Op this sounds exactly how the early weeks were fro my ds. He breast fed every half hour, screamed with what they said was colic and looked a wreck with exhaustion, as did I. Tongue tie and he was only sucking the foremilk (not sure of the correct term sorry) which seemingly added to colic/reflux. It was hell on wheels. I limped on for six months then introduced a bottle. Wish I'd done it sooner as I ended up very ill with the stress and exhaustion. My milk didn't come in until day five, at day three we were at A&E where a doctor placed a thumb in ds's mouth and said he was dry, thirsty and hungry

With regard to breastfeeding that sounds very much like she's bait getting the milk out and so is hangry! Could be tongue tie, sounds like it - can you get a lactation consultant who specialises in tongue ties out ASAP?

PS every single picture I have of ds in those early months are upright, over DH's back or my own. He would smile and sleep upright and go crackers if we placed him flat on his back.

My summer born ds ( so he wasn't cold) would only sleep tummy down on top of me. ( I think he liked the sound of my heartbeat)
Fast forward 18 years, and I can't get the git out of bed in the morning 😂

Could be silent reflux (stomach acid, you won't see any milk)
MAM dummies have a 94% acceptance rate and my 3 week old is using them quite well. Breastfeeding was not working with her, she wasn't waking to feed, not having enough etc. She has mild tongue tie. We went onto formula and she's gained lots of weight and is sleeping peacefully in her Moses basket right now.
Hope you find what works.

Co sleep. Tbh I couldn't tell you DC position as I slept with them them attached.

During the day, strip for a feed and pop down on changing mat if they fall asleep on the boob, wakes them up and can get them back on the boob.

Days 4-11 are the hardest days of parenthood

First week is bloody awful. I ended up with DC in chico baby seat thing in the bed with me half draped over it just to get some sleep

It makes sense that she might not be feeding efficiently. She falls asleep quickly on the boob but then after 30 minutes wakes

Sounds like it! Once she can feed properly I bet she'll be a different baby. For now, have you a good breast pump you can express some milk with and your dp can syringe or cup feed her while you have a cuddle with your ds? That way you'll protect your supply while you get the lc out.