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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this uncomfortable?

108 replies

wishywashyrainbow · 21/03/2019 15:08

I am a nanny (as in childcarer) and I have an acquaintance who I met 10 years ago when we nannied abroad together.
We were friendly-ish as we’re working in the same house etc.
She was sacked after 6 weeks though, as she was lazy and unprofessional. We’ve stayed acquaintances ever since, and she messages me every few weeks, just asking how work is etc.
I just reply fairly boring things, such as “it’s busy with it being the school holidays” etc. So no personal info about my charges. She doesn’t know their names or ages despite me working with them for a few years.
She goes through nannying jobs like hot meals. She’ll find jobs on gumtree, work for a few weeks, get sacked or told they no longer need help, then she’ll be unemployed for a month or so before finding somewhere for another 2 weeks.
I just feel really bad the way she speaks about the kids she cares for. She’ll message and say “they’re thick” or “they dress like homeless children” or “they do my head in”.
So her latest family has a 4 year old boy.
All I’ve heard for the last 2 weeks is how weird he is, he won’t eat proper food, he talks like a baby etc etc.
Yesterday I received a message from her saying “even his belly button is weird”
I went to open the message and there’s a photo of this 4 year old boy standing totally naked and it’s a full frontal image.
I’m so cross with her that I’ve been made to view this naked photo of a child I don’t know.
I’m furious that she thinks it’s acceptable to take naked photos of children.
And I feel gutted for the parents that they are allowing their son to be cared for by somebody who would do this.
Now I’m really worried for my own career as what if I’m tracked down to having received this image.
I’ve been in childcare for 20 years and always respected in long term positions.
Realistically I don’t know the family, or the child, so I can’t do anything about it.
I’m so cross with her though.

OP posts:
Original poster
wishywashyrainbow · 22/03/2019 16:31

In my own local authority I know exactly what to do.
She is not in my local authority so wasn’t sure of procedures. We have not been trained in this.
As it happens I’ve spoken to someone in my local authority who says NSPCC is my best bet as I have limited information.
I don’t want anything to do with this lady hence not wanting to ask further information.
I’ve blocked her phone number to protect myself from further messages.
The NSPCC have all the info I know.
And I agree that parents should be using childcare from someone with references, qualifications, DBS checks and a solid work history.
This lady seems to end up with lots of temporary “live in” contracts that parents find hard to fill, and I think this is how she is employed so often by desperate parents.

OP posts:
LucyAutumn · 22/03/2019 17:25

This is horrific Shock well done for reporting and blocking

goodfornothinggnome · 22/03/2019 19:20

I'm sorry, but I feel like you need to do more than fill out an online form, I would be going to the local police station and showing them the picture and asking them to deal with this, partially to get the child in question some help, partially because you now have a picture of a naked child on your phone! Wouldn't that be treated as child pornography? I would not be taking any chances.

Also, really unsure that any child would stand happily to have a naked picture taken, I'd honestly be wondering if this was done with some sort of regularity, and hoping that this childs parents will end up being alerted to protect him, even if she isn't a sexual predator this boy has not been given the tools to protect himself. Poor little mite.

I'd be doing all I could to ensure that someone is trying to get into contact with his parents, and stopping her from being around vulnerable children.

In your situation I'd be fucking aghast. This could endanger your career too....but take it nice and easy why don't you, one online form, and its dealt with Eh!

comfysocks8516 · 22/03/2019 19:28

Major safeguarding issue. Contact social services at once - this child is clearly in potential danger and as a professional you have an obligation to do something immediately. As a teacher that’s what I’d be doing, and by not doing it you are putting yourself at risk too. What a horrible experience for you :(

honeyrider · 23/03/2019 01:46

You need to report this to the police.

SleepWarrior · 23/03/2019 02:44

Oh gosh, why hesitate about the police?

PregnantSea · 23/03/2019 04:16

It doesn't matter if you don't have further details of the child, or if she isn't part of your local authority etc. Call the police right now and tell them what's happened. If you don't then you are opening yourself up to extremely serious consequences - you losing your job would be getting off lightly. You could end up in prison and be put on a sex offenders register.

I don't understand why you are so hesitant to call the police and are saying you can't do anything about this? What's the issue?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 23/03/2019 05:17

Do you still have the image as evidence? I wouldn't want it on my phone as it's an offence to have it, but it's probably needed to report. Unless the police can hopefully trace it.

Gone4Good · 23/03/2019 05:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gone4Good · 23/03/2019 05:45

...and you ask if people here find it "uncomfortable"????

Verynice · 23/03/2019 05:51

Gone4Good She has said at least 3 times that she doesn't know where this woman or child is! FFS.

mrbob · 23/03/2019 05:55

(I reckon at least 60% of the people I've met who work with young children, including some primary school teachers, are thick as mince).

You stupid woman!

Can everyone stop being so rude. OP has reported. It is possible to express views and give advice without being a dick

Ellenborough · 23/03/2019 05:56

You should go to the police with this immediately and let them trace the family and deal with it. She doesn't sound terribly stable and is clearly in the wrong job anyway. Even if her motives are pretty harmless (if unkind and unprofessional) she is a the kind of woman who could easily be manipulated and coerced by paedophiles to provide them with material.

Then block her and have no more to do with her.

Ellenborough · 23/03/2019 05:57

Oh good, I see you've reported and blocked her. I still think it would be useful to go to the police though.

Ellenborough · 23/03/2019 05:59

And yes as the image is on your phone now you should go to the police if only to protect yourself from any further implications. Also it might be too late now but you could have tried to keep your cool and tease a bit more info out of her about the name of the child and where the family live etc as this would have been useful info to pass on to the authorities.

Tinkerbell456 · 23/03/2019 06:01

I reckon you have to do something. That’s just not on. I wonder how many people she has sent it to. Totally out of order, possibly even endangering the child, and a total violation of her employer’s trust.

Ellenborough · 23/03/2019 06:03

Wishywashy can I ask why you chose to name change to post this, your only post under this name, or come to MN as a first time poster with this problem?

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 23/03/2019 06:13

I would message her this is inappropriate and block her

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 23/03/2019 06:13

You need to be a bit more proactive I was in a similar situation didn't have many details was sent something on WhatsApp where a child was being beaten - contacted the "friend" asked her where she'd got it from she wouldn't say - called nspcc rthey referred me in to police they traced images and persons job done and then deleted the ex friend was horrified she thought it was appropriate to fwd to me and even more horrified she wanted nothing to do with safeguarding the child

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 23/03/2019 06:15

You should have been taught in your safeguarding training it's everyone's duty to safeguard- how would you feel if it was your child ? Call nspcc or the police LA s do not matter they will do the investigative work

RoseGoldEagle · 23/03/2019 06:40

I know not everyone will agree with this but I think you should have contacted her again to find out more- where she’s working etc. You sound like the steps you’ve taken are to protect yourself only- fair enough to do that but it doesn’t help this poor little boy. This is so so serious, she only has two weeks left with this child but will be moving on to doing this to some other poor unsuspecting family after that. I also don’t get why you didn’t block her years ago, why have you put up with her sending derogatory messages every few weeks (as you say in your first post) about the children in her care to you for 10 years? If she hadn’t sent the naked pic would you have just carried on messaging her? When she wrote about the child speaking in a babyish way- you couldn’t have replied and pointed out what an awful message that was? I just don’t get it, this has really put me off getting a nanny the thought that they might gossip about my child in this horrible way, even if this was the least of it.

TheEntertainerr · 23/03/2019 07:01

I'm disgusted. All you've done is fill in an online form on a charity's website! This is child abuse. As PP have mentioned this should be dealt with by the police. Would you you report a stabbing to a victim's of knife crime charity? Jesus wept. I think I'm more angry at you for being beyond useless. It's this type of inadequate response from people who are aware of abuse that enable it to continue.

From where I'm sitting, your concern is whether you could could be implicated and not with the welfare of the child. This speaks volumes to me. Reading your posts has made me so angry. She could have sent this image to other people as well, God knows who else has seen it.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 23/03/2019 07:11

This really is a police issue. The police will also have better resources to find her and the ability to interview you to get the full story.

Amimissingsomethinghere · 23/03/2019 07:11

You really need to contact the police.
Imagine if that was your child? It's horrific.
Please contact the police. I couldn't sleep at night knowing I had that on my phone and what she's doing without speaking and reporting to the police.

DroningOn · 23/03/2019 07:39

ability to interview you to get the full story.

And on the basis of this as a likely next set of steps don't post on here any more OP.

Definitely no updates about what's happening.

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