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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find this uncomfortable?

108 replies

wishywashyrainbow · 21/03/2019 15:08

I am a nanny (as in childcarer) and I have an acquaintance who I met 10 years ago when we nannied abroad together.
We were friendly-ish as we’re working in the same house etc.
She was sacked after 6 weeks though, as she was lazy and unprofessional. We’ve stayed acquaintances ever since, and she messages me every few weeks, just asking how work is etc.
I just reply fairly boring things, such as “it’s busy with it being the school holidays” etc. So no personal info about my charges. She doesn’t know their names or ages despite me working with them for a few years.
She goes through nannying jobs like hot meals. She’ll find jobs on gumtree, work for a few weeks, get sacked or told they no longer need help, then she’ll be unemployed for a month or so before finding somewhere for another 2 weeks.
I just feel really bad the way she speaks about the kids she cares for. She’ll message and say “they’re thick” or “they dress like homeless children” or “they do my head in”.
So her latest family has a 4 year old boy.
All I’ve heard for the last 2 weeks is how weird he is, he won’t eat proper food, he talks like a baby etc etc.
Yesterday I received a message from her saying “even his belly button is weird”
I went to open the message and there’s a photo of this 4 year old boy standing totally naked and it’s a full frontal image.
I’m so cross with her that I’ve been made to view this naked photo of a child I don’t know.
I’m furious that she thinks it’s acceptable to take naked photos of children.
And I feel gutted for the parents that they are allowing their son to be cared for by somebody who would do this.
Now I’m really worried for my own career as what if I’m tracked down to having received this image.
I’ve been in childcare for 20 years and always respected in long term positions.
Realistically I don’t know the family, or the child, so I can’t do anything about it.
I’m so cross with her though.

OP posts:
Original poster
wishywashyrainbow · 21/03/2019 15:50

Just looked at the link. I’m not sure I should be reporting on that page. It’s not an online image, just a message she’s sent.

OP posts:
Original poster
wishywashyrainbow · 21/03/2019 15:50

For goodness sake, I’ve not said I’m not reporting. I just don’t know where to.

OP posts:
greatbigwho · 21/03/2019 15:51

I would call 101 and ask for advice.

Receiving it and reporting it won't affect your career, ignoring it and being found out will.

Original poster
wishywashyrainbow · 21/03/2019 15:51

Usually it would be our local authority safeguarding officer, but she’s not working in our LA. Not a clue where she’s actually working.

OP posts:
WhatCanISayAboutThis · 21/03/2019 15:52

Contact the NSPCC or the local safeguarding board.

MilkyMamma · 21/03/2019 15:52

NSPCC?

FrozenMargarita17 · 21/03/2019 15:52

I would still call 101 because they can take the details from you and pass on.

WhatCanISayAboutThis · 21/03/2019 15:55

In that case, go to the local police station, take your phone. As to see to someone from Child Protection.

Seriously, you don't have to know exactly who to speak to or what to say. Speak to anyone involved in child protection and they will do the work for you.

It does rather sound like you're making excuses or buying yourself a bit of time...

Original poster
wishywashyrainbow · 21/03/2019 15:58

I’m going to try NSPCC first.
Need to collect my little ones from their mum in 2 minutes and take them to an after school activity.
Guaranteed it will be dealt with though.

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 21/03/2019 16:00

You dont need any details about the child, the parents or where they live.

Only your friends details

Call your local safeguarding team.
Explain what had happened and that you are concerned for the safety of this child.

I would expect that they will be able to sort out contacting/visiting your friend with police and they will then find out who she is working for and take it from there.

This is a serious as it sounds and you have no choice but to report her.

Foodylicious · 21/03/2019 16:01

Hope you get on ok with nspcc

Good place to start

Aquamarine1029 · 21/03/2019 16:05

I don't get worked up or paranoid about much of anything, but I would be shitting myself if I were you. What if she has sent this picture to other people and someone else reports it before you do, and then the police know you have it and you didn't report it? Anything that even remotely seems to be child pornography is a very big deal. For good reason, obviously.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/03/2019 16:07

Yes, please report her. It is illegal to send naked images like this.

DailyMailFuckRightOff · 21/03/2019 16:11

Sending explicit photos of underage children is a criminal offence. Report to the police to cover yourself. Let the family know.

You absolutely do have a responsibility here, to protect this child from at best crap nannying and at worst passage of this image into less trustworthy hands.

IceBearRocks · 21/03/2019 16:11

Wouldn't you just report to the LADO ???

VeraWangTwang · 21/03/2019 16:12

bloody hell , she shouldn't be anywhere near children
I wonder where she gets her references from

ferrymeoff · 21/03/2019 16:13

The woman is a bitch, report her now before you are in too deep

SnapesGreasyHair · 21/03/2019 16:38

Not a clue where she’s actually working.

Why don't you just ask her??

MillennialFalcon · 21/03/2019 17:01

I don't know the details of your profession but surely there are procedures to report this sort of thing? If you can't report her to a regulatory body then report her to the police, her behaviour is inappropriate in the extreme, what if she is sharing these images with others also? I think it is very important for you to get out ahead of this so you can't be accused of being involved in it. It doesn't sound like you really have a relationship to lose with this person, given that you don't have anything in common and her behaviour is inappropriate I don't know why you felt obligated to stay in touch based on an acquaintanceship of a few weeks from years ago. But now she has really stepped over the line so far that there should not be a doubt in your mind about severing ties before she affects your career.

wildcherries · 21/03/2019 17:19

This is awful. Poor child. This must be every parent's nightmare. I felt ill reading it.

Please report it - also to the police. It is criminal, and she needs to understand that. I can't believe this person is working with children.

And you need to protect yourself as well from being further caught up in this.

Lizzie48 · 21/03/2019 17:31

Definitely report her. The police will be able to trace her mobile. That poor little boy. She shouldn't be anywhere near young children.

twoshedsjackson · 21/03/2019 17:31

I don't know what the legal position is for nannies, but as a teacher, I was told that the legal term was "charged with knowledge" - i.e. , it's not for you to keep this to yourself, it's your duty to report - but of course, in a school setting, there were systems in place......
But I can see from your posts that you are already trying to report.
All you can do, is pass on what you know, and leave them to join the dots.
You didn't do anything wrong in receiving the message, and it will be clear when you report it that this is the case.
All you can really tell them is the name of the agency which employed you both 10 years ago, but people have National Insurance numbers.....
If she's that loose-lipped with you, when you are on your own admission a only very slight acquaintance, it seems likely that she's communicating this sort of thing to other phone contacts as well. That little boy needs protection.

BigFatGiant · 21/03/2019 17:35

NSPCC is agood place to start. I am sure they’ll be able to tell you who to report to. How horrifying,

ImMeantToBeWorking · 21/03/2019 17:47

I would go report it to the police. Even if they do nothing now, if anything ever comes up in the future you have reported it when it happened. I would also block her cause she sounds like a horrible person.

PandaBlue · 22/03/2019 08:38

Have you reported it OP?

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