Driving is not as easy as some make out. Just failed my 5th driving test.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I know on Mumsnet. some on here like to say how everybody should drive and how it is a life skill, and negative comments about non drivers. I just failed my 5th test, took 4 tests 20 years ago and failed, but thought I would try again. My goodness, the test is a lot harder and it is really tough. I can see a lot of people not having the skills that incorporates that. I will take another few, then call it a day.

It is not the person's fault, some people are just not able to drive, and that probably includes me. What I found difficult is reading the road signs and getting into the right lane, especially on the big multi laned lighted roundabouts. So out of my depth and just fell apart.

I feel sad that some will regard me as being immature, CF, and undesirable if I am not able to drive. I always make my own way to places using public transport or taxi or if my friends offer me a lift and insist if we are going to dinner, I will but them a drink at their insistence. So try not to take advantage.

Sixth time was a charm to me.

I found it SO hard learning to drive, which was challenging for me because I'm pretty bright and have always breezed through exams and what have you.

I could not get it.

I was FURIOUS with myself every time I failed. Lord knows there are enough subclinical morons on the road, so why couldn't I, a certified genius and Oxbridge alumna, get my head around it.

I eventually passed (more luck than judgement) and now driving is as easy to me as dressing myself in the morning. I frequently arrive at regular destinations without having really been aware of the drive. If I'd been told back in the dark period, pre-pink license, that it would become second nature, I'd have laughed and then attacked you.

But it did for me, and it will for you. Don't give up

Have you thought about hypnotherapy? I found it a huge help and don’t think I could have passed without it - to this day I have no idea how it worked but it did. I passed on the 6th attempt!

Sorry to hear your bad news, OP.

Failing anything is shit and it hurts when you've spent all that money.

I've recently spent thousands on lessons, but struggled with them.

I've failed my theory test and I won't go back to lessons until I've passed that.

Amibeing sounds like me, I have a BA (hons) 2:1 and Msc, but it seems every pleb can drive accept me😥😥😥. Why am I a supposidly intelligent woman finding it hard. I have had hypnotherapy, and had before my test, but no amount of hypnotherapy could have helped me on this test😥😥😥😥

A different driving instructor can make a real difference.

Oh and I go 7 minutes out of my way every morning to avoid a horrendous multi lane roundabout (Junction 10 of the M20 anyone!!), and I’ve been driving 37 years 😊

It took me 7 goes before I passed don't give up!

Sympathies.

I have failed multiple times, had hundreds of lessons, spent £1000s and have had 6 different driving instructors.

A combination of abject fear the entire time I am driving, shit co-ordination, zero sense of direction (I am probably dyspraxic) and panic attacks in tests....I'm done.

It took me years to pass too I paid for a driving test and didn't show up too!

You need longer lessons I know you can only afford an hour a week can you condense it to a two hour lesson a fortnight?

I passed first time no minors, complete and utter fluke, I still make minor mistakes now (nothing serious) took me 7 years of lessons on and off to gain the confidence to do it though op don’t give up.

Hello OP. I passed years ago in Belfast when I was 17. 3rd attempts. I was so arrogant: the first failure, I thought I had aced it. Apparently, I had driven down this big wide road that leads back to the test centre with my nearside wing mirror literally CENTIMETRES from those of parked cars to my left. 😂 Blissfully unaware.

Now, those big multi-lane roundabouts you get in England. Particularly in London. I’ve been driving for 20 years and those terrify me. If I’d had to navigate one of those during a test, I would still be learning. No joke. They’re an absolute beast; hate them.

And big dual carriageways also tricky; those are a different driving skill from driving in built-up areas.

Bottom line? It’s really TOUGH to pass, particularly in the south east of England and it sounds like the you’re perhaps there (sorry, haven’t RTFT). So definitely do not be so hard on yourself. You did your best, so big clap on the back for you. If and when you feel absolutely ready, have another crack. 😀

And, if you don’t pass, you sound like a decent person and a good egg (anxious not to “take advantage” of designated driver pals etc) and that’s the main thing.

🚗

Just feel like a total utter failure, I had to read the signs, got hopelessly lost and really out of my depth on a big duel carriageway which we never practiced, it was like a motorway, so never practiced building up speed, and negotiating it.

Well the issue was clearly that you were being asked to take a test on stuff you hadn't learned. What on earth was your instructor thinking ? I'm not surprised your examiner was shocked. (S)he has a right to be safe at work - nobody should be putting in for their test without having learned how to do everything they will be tested on.
You need to ask locally for driving instructor recommendations - they will know all the routes the examiners use, and all the quirks about particular lane discipline or unusual junctions.
My dd is about to take her theory, and then, hopefully her practical in the next few weeks, and she has been driving on those sorts of roads for months. Re the signs, etc., I was pointing all those things out and reminding them to take note or signs and junctions and so forth long before they started lessons - all about familiarity and breaking down everything about learning to drive into small steps so you aren't trying to learn them all new, at the same time.
You have not been advised properly by your instructor unless you went against their advice and booked a test when not ready.

'I found it SO hard learning to drive, which was challenging for me because I'm pretty bright and have always breezed through exams and what have you. '

Same here. I struggled with driving, but REALLY struggled with struggling, if you know what I mean. Its been a seriously tough experience, and sent my anxiety and self doubt through the roof

OP, keep going. I know it seems impossible but it isn't.

I did 3 tests when I was 17/18. I failed them all. I told myself I couldn't do it. I spent the next 25 years not driving. In that time I got a law degree, qualified as a solicitor, brought up 2 children, worked FT (sometimes having a 4hr a day commute) all without driving. I told myself I didn't need to drive. I was/ am a public transport expert. I can get pretty much anywhere by train or bus.

Then 5 years ago I met my bf, and he basically told me I needed to drive. I am sure loads of people on here would say that was controlling of him...maybe it was. But I needed a push. I hated him for it at the time, I didn't think I could ever pass a test. So I took my theory (to prove him wrong) and passed.

I then bought a car. It's a tiny thing, Daewoo Matiz. But I loved it. We used to go out and practice and then I started lessons, a 2hr lesson once a week. The extra practice definitely helped make me overthink driving less. I took another test. Failed. And another. Failed worse than the previous one. At that point I nearly gave up. I did another test. That morning I was in tears. I'd had enough, it was too much pressure. Bf told me to cancel. I didn't cos I didn't want to waste the money. I took the test, and passed.

That was nearly 3 years ago. It has improved my life immeasurably. My only regret is struggling along for so many years as a non driver.

I'm not a great driver but I'm good enough. I'm a bit scared of the M25 and the Dartford tunnel/ bridge and still haven't driven that on my own. But I will eventually.

What made the difference for me: a great instructor who made sure I knew all the routes 100%; practising in my own car; but mainly not giving up.

A decent driving instructor is really hard to come by. We have an automatic car and I’m learning in an automatic I don’t want manual for now I just want to pass.

It's in part why I think (for most people) it's easier to learn when you're young and frankly a bit more full of yourself and also somewhat naive to the dangers

I lived overseas when I was a teenager & got my FULL drivers licence at 15. Yep 15. It certainly helps to do it when you know everything and are immortal 🤣

So, I have now officially been driving a million years. Both sides of the road, in all weathers & places. From many lane highways, to roads so narrow you can touch the houses both sides. Unmade roads, mountain passes with whiteouts. From mopeds to huge mini busses and everything in between and you know what, I’d sooner drive any of that than the new fuck off roundabouts with shit signage or joining some of the A roads from a cold start. I drove my new car up to Leeds last year, sat nav showing one thing on the screen, another on the mini screen, the road signs indicating a different exit than either of those, it was dark, pudding with rain and manic. I just wanted to stop the fucking car and curl up in a ball on the back seat! But I didn’t. I remembered the ONLY thing that matters is driving safely. It’s not life changing exiting the roundabout at the wrong point, it’ll just take a little longer to get where you’re going. Do something and do it safely. That’s all that matters. (A year on I realise the (inbuilt) Sat Nav is a useless stupid fucking thing at the best of times).

Thanks so much for all of your kind words, 2 years ago I was cripped by panic attacks (sickness, dizzy), and could not be a passenger in a car without having an anxiety attack

Fuck my days kiddo...and you feel a failure because you didn’t pass your test the first time?! Cut yourself some slack. Look how far you HAVE come and all with an ‘instructor’ who doesn’t sound fit to instruct someone on how to tie shoe laces, let alone drive!

One hour, once a week simply won’t do.

What are you going to do about a car WHEN you pass? Can you do that now?

Save up then take either the full week intensive or 2-3 pw

Persevere. It’s not that you can’t pass, you just need some practice on those roads/junctions.

Don’t beat yourself up, you’ve done amazingly well 🌷🍰

VelvetSpoon. Well done 🌷

Why are you scared about the M25? Don’t you know it’s nickname?

...the UK’s biggest car park.

Seriously. It’s a circular bit of road moving at a bloody crawl.

Dartford is nothing to worry about either, it’s all well signposted and slow moving too.

The worst thing about both are the queues. I always have drinking water in the car, just in case.

You’ll be fine 😊

It took me 5 attempts to pass, stick with it.

I also breezed through exams, I think some people are wired for practical learning and some people are academic. Some lucky people are good at both. I am definitely academic and struggled to get used to spacial awareness, moving my hands and feet together and watching what everyone else is doing too.

Thanks everyone, it has knocked my confidence. If you can't swim and get thrown in the deep end and you flounder then you sink like I did. I did the test and that was really good for me, I am back to square 1 and looking for a lovely patient automatic instructor.

Find an instructor who will take you off test routes. I took 2 years of continuous lessons to pass and don't want to say on here how many tests. She taught me proper driving, getting lost and ending up on hellish multi lane roundabouts and stuck in car parks with no apparent exit and that was what helped me the most and taught me how to pay attention to lots of things at once while navigating road signs. It did wonders for my confidence and now I'm not afraid to go anywhere and don't care if I get lost. It's not test routes that are the problem, you need someone who will teach you how to drive not how to pass the test. If you go the wrong way in test don't panic. It doesn't matter as long as you do it safely. Once you commit to a lane, stay there even if it isn't where you intended to be. You don't get faults for going off route as long as you don't do anything dangerous.

I took the second exit instead of the 3rd on test. Which would have been fine except that the next words out of my mouth were 'hang on this is a slip road...ah fuck, this goes on the M25.' I passed. Don't ask me how.

It took me 5 tests over 6 months but I did it in the end. The first 4 tests I got the same examiner, the final one I got a woman, I was as nervous as hell but whenever I made a mess on anything like the reverse round a corner, I just gritted my teeth & did it again. I passed with loads of minor faults, in my opinion I drove worse on the one I passed than some of the ones I failed. Just keep trying & get as much practice as you can.

Find a better instructor, it makes a lot of difference. Somebody patient, maybe a woman? My sister insisted on learning with a female instructor and she passed second time whereas I have failed 4 times.

It's important not to link mistakes with panic, everyone makes mistakes when driving from time to time and it's normal to make more mistakes when you are new at it. The object is not to drive without making any mistakes ever, the object is to be able to calmly realise oops, that wasn't right, never mind, I'll put it right - and do so safely. Unless you are doing something catastrophically stupid like driving the wrong way onto a motorway mistakes are not dangerous on their own - it is when somebody makes a mistake that puts them into the wrong place AND another driver happens to be there at the same time AND did not notice/react in time. Most mistakes like missing a junction or needing a few attempts to park aren't dangerous at all, but panicking and trying to over-correct could be. Roads and junctions are generally designed in such a way as to minimise accidents even when somebody does make a mistake. And of course it's important to be aware of drivers around you in case they make one.

In my case I think it's a combination of my instructor not preparing me well for the test (the first time I was asked to do something I'd never practised, the other 3 times I made mistakes I had no idea were mistakes - that's not good) AND extreme nerves when it comes to the test conditions. I think this is a bit better in the UK (mine have been abroad) because you can have a lesson immediately before the test and there are set test routes. Yes of course you need to be able to cope on unfamiliar roads, but it's the combination of an unfamiliar road plus the test stress which can undo you. I used to get tunnel vision and a ringing in my ears so that I didn't even feel safe to drive. I've stopped trying for now but will be much more picky about my instructor when I do try again.

It depresses me TBH I feel like I am not a functioning adult because I can't drive. Yet at the same time I don't feel confident to drive on my own.

I was petrified of being on the road when I passed my test. After a few months of driving around feeling like a nervous wreck, I moved away and had to sell my car. Many years later I needed a car again and the old panic set in. It took me months to get my confidence but eventually I did it. Even now if I'm in an area I don't know and it's very busy I can get a bit flustered, but overall I'm fine. I promise it gets easier if you stick with it!

They have toughened the test since I passed 10 years ago but like you I had a 20 year break between tests - stick with it , my biggest regret in life is I didn't pursue learning when I was young, I missed out on so much not being able to drive until mid 30's

in your case i would try different instructors until you get one that fits, once you start driving with them you will know they are right for you and they will make you feel confident and that you can do it... also another options is to book your test in a smaller area if you can do that? like a small town rather than a city?