Circumcision

[muma19]

DP wants DS circumcised however I don't. I also have MIL getting involved and pressuring me. What do I do? I want to be fair to my partner but I really don't want him veg for circumcised. HELP!!!!

Yes, @pooty, in your opinion. Denigrating other people's religion is just disrespectful and bigoted and has zero effect on you. I wouldn't have my child circumcised but it's not for me to criticise people who make other choices.

So you're also okay with forced marriage of children and sending girls abroad to be married and FGM and all that because otherwise is bigotry and denigrating someone's beliefs, Also?

I've got one male friend who had it done a few years ago in his early twenties because he felt he wanted to.

I've know a small handful of guys who were circumcised and it was mostly a birth thing. Some of them were American.

I've known three guys who needed theirs removed due to medical issues such as phymosis, but one of those guys didn't look after his knob, ever, he never washed, and I wasn't surprised.

Sex. OK. I had one circumsized partner who I enjoyed sex with. He did explain to me that the head of his penis wasn't that sensitive, he thought it was probably because it was always bashed about inside of underwear etc and without the foreskin there was nothing to protect it.

But on the whole, I've preferred guys who are natural down there.

I think MGM is ridiculous if not for medical reasons.

No @pooty, because those things are cultural not religious so not comparable. Having said that, one of the happiest marriages I know was arranged and, judging by much of what I see on MN, much more successful than the "civilised" alternative.

No @pooty, because those things are cultural not religious so not comparable.

They are entirely comparable because the motive behind such moves as pertains to under age girls is often to preserve religious integrity and ensure the girl marries within her religion.

Genital mutilation of a child under the age of consent is just that, regardless if the child is male or female. It is removing a part of the genitals without that person's consent.

Completely disagree. Circumcision is a basic tenet of two of the world's oldest religions. The motivation of people carrying out the acts you describe isn't laid down in religious law, it's their interpretation of it. Anyway we're not going to agree so this is pointless.

I've pm'd you

I think it is important not to stigmatise or make negative comments about circumcised men: lots of have to have it done for credible medical reasons.

It would be a shame if they felt self concious as a result.

I have had partners circumcised and not and it would never be even the most minor factor in how enjoyable the sex was, either way. I can’t even remember whether a few long term partners were circumcised or not.

My own boys are not circumcised, but if it had to be done I would hate for them to feel like freaks as a result.

LonelyDadNeedsHelp

@room32 "it's clearly not that harmful"

Male circumcision literally kills more than 100 boys in the US alone each year.
Typical anti-vaccination technique. Cite a study that was an extrapolation of a guess from an assumption that has been discredited by all scientific journals to back up your argument. The CDC did a multi-year study and found the rate of death was ZERO in hospitals and clinics. If you don’t find the CDC credible as one poster said then fine if you read the study and disagree with it/it’s results. I’ve read studies on the issue and find them credible and compelling. Screaming it’s mutilation our child abuse or comparing it to FGM which has no medical basis just shows one to be an ignorant jackass.

My family is Muslim. It is both a religious and cultural practice for Muslims. We haven’t circumcised for generations because it barbaric and dangerous. It is barbaric because parent have no right to mutilate their children especially when it involves removing an errogenous zone which is tantamount to sexual control. It’s dangerous because the procedure itself, especially if poorly performed or the aftercare is poor, can result if severe blood loss or infection. Just like child marriage, blasphemy laws, persecution of homosexuals and polygamy it should be left firmly in the past.

@SONofaBITCH perhaps that’s just because circumcision isn’t a cause of death? The cause of death reported would be something like blood loss or sepsis. Sometimes doctors even put down ‘cardiac arrest and respiratory failure’ as a cause of death. I would hope that deaths, even in the US, are very rare. I can think of a few deaths reported in papers/that I have heard about second hand. These were all attributed to people who weren’t trained adequately. I can also recall a few people who had children that suffered infections afterwards but thankfully they all survived. It’s not as straight forward as you think. A lot of circumcisions aren’t done in hospitals or even reported to authorities and medical professions wouldn’t list it as a cause of death typically. In the UK the rules are also quite relaxed. I know of one (really dodgy guy who isn’t even a doctor) who runs (ran?) an outpatient clinic offering circumcisions for example. If one of his procedures went wrong the child would wind up in hospital, he probably wouldn’t even know about it. If the child died circumcision wouldn’t be put down as cause of death. The only way the information would end up in the public domain is if there was an inquest or the parents sued.

Nope. Try again. Complications in all cases were minor, treated and fully resolved.

@Alsohuman bullshit. If people believe something stupid there is no reason to respect that. If anything there is a moral to imperative to criticise and argue.

OP I was once in a similar position. My DS is not circumcised, but this issue was literally the straw that broke the camel's back in my marriage. My son's father comes from an African country where practically all boys are circumcised regardless of religion. I worry about my son resenting my decision when he realises he is different from his peers, but I simply couldn't do it to him. If you value your marriage and your relationship with your MIL, try to put your point across respectfully. I'd avoid reference to 'mutiliation' and 'abuse'.

A previous poster thought it was a ridiculous assertion that a family member would get this done without one parent's consent, but I've certainly known it to happen. Good luck.

you'd think an uncircumcised boy was definitely going to have an ugly penis

In the States, and an uncircumcised penis is definitely considered ugly and unclean. I actually do dislike of uncut penises due to my upbringing.

All that said, I just couldn’t bear to do it to my child. But I do get worried if I ever go back to America that he will feel ashamed for not having it done.

My family is Muslim. It is both a religious and cultural practice for Muslims

Please don’t speak in my name. You haven’t stated whether you are a Muslim yourself.

I know plenty of Muslim families who have never opened the Quran and have only inherited the religion, yet don’t practice it or have any knowledge of it.

Doesn’t suddenly qualify your critisism, still just a random opinion from someone who doesn’t practice the faith and using their background to bully people or faith. As good as any other pp on here who might know nothing and have zero background.

There's a doc on Netflix about circumsistion, get him to watch that. It's barbaric and there are risks.

Secondly, it is part of a Muslim faith to circumsize but not necessarily at birth. The at birth thing is just to limit pain/ which is an arguable point.

Many people in previous generations waited until boys were older , 10 or so. My father remembers queuing up for it and it was when he felt ready to “become a man” (prepared for backlash). Some wait for them to become men and do it themselves.

This is because the child is not considered responsible for any faith obligations until puberty.

So If your DH or his family subscribe to Islam or Judaism, try look into that. The “when” part is a matter of culture and no harm in debating.

But if you approach this from a narrow minded perspective, you are likely to get ur DH be on the defensive.

Yes many Muslims mix culture with faith and assume there is a deadline on things. There is a difference of opinion on the matters of when, and so on.

From a non faith point of view, I honestly feel yiu should do your research from
Credible sources as many arguments on here are emotional and unscientific. Total bullshit that a circumsized man doesn’t enjoy intimacy. Plz guys stop farting from your mouth

My brothers are both cut. Neither has ever forgiven our parents for having it done. My younger brother particularly feels he was mutilated. He is also sure that he has reduced sensitivity compared to being left intact.

There were no spurious religious excuses or valid medical reasons, just my father wanting it done and my mother not standing up to him.

HelloYoMyKitty you may DH d that is a generational thing. Circumcision rates are falling fast in the U.S. From 56% in 2006 to 32.5% in 2009 so lower now.

So your Ds will definitely not be in the minority.

Stand up for your child and don't allow this to happen to them.

They can opt to have it done as adults if they like.

I dont understand how, if no medical reason, this is still a thing?!

There is a law against FGM. So why isn't there a law against Male Genital Mutilation?

I don't understand the its cleaner argument. Surely if you teach a child how to wash then both would be equally as clean?? My dh isn't circumcised and is perfectly clean etc. His brother had to be circumcised for medical reasons. I just asked dh if his brother had ever felt alienated cause he was different to his father and sibling, his reply "we don't sit around and discuss our dicks, I haven't seen his since he was a small child" so I really doubt it would make much difference to a childs seld esteem if he is different to family.

@THEsonofaBITCH

Every reputable medical professional will tell you that any operation has risk. Boys literally die for nothing. I understand the risk if done in a first world hospital by a trained professional is pretty small but there is still a risk.

I feel desperately sorry for parents who feel so pressured or conditioned by their culture that they will put their baby's life at risk.

Even if you could remove all risk (which you can't), there's still the question of consent. You are removing part of someone's body when they are unable to consent. To me, that is utterly abhorrent.

To those who say it's part of their religion or culture, what if your child chooses a different path in later life? What if they choose not to follow that religion, as is their basic human right? They've already had part of their body removed, on the name of a religion they may not believe in.

If they believe so strongly in it when they are able to consent, then get it done as an adult if you must. I don't see what's so wrong with that.