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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating Etiquette AIBU?

85 replies

flipertyflop · 19/03/2019 12:50

A bit of womanly wisdom needed for this one please, I haven't dated for years.
My colleague went on a first date last night. It didn't go well.
He held the door open for his date who sighed and said "that is a bit cringey". They waited for a table to become available and when they were shown to the table he said "after you" to which she rolled her eyes. Next, when they were sat at the table and the waiter came over and asked if they were ready to order, he gestured to his date and said "Ladies first". All in all very polite and inoffensive, or so I would have thought? She called him a dick!
Personally I would have got up and left at that point but being the gent he is, he persisted with the date.
She asked to go dutch at the beginning of the meal but when it came to it she was more than happy to let him pay the lot.
I'm all for equality but surely someone holding a door or letting you order first isn't a massive faux pas? Is that not just manners, whether it comes from the man or the woman? AIBU?

OP posts:
Fantababy · 19/03/2019 12:55

She's rude as feck afaic. Especially with the going Dutch thing. I'd not be seeing her again.

Sidge · 19/03/2019 12:56

She was very rude.

I like manners, and having someone hold the door for me is nice. I’m a woman and I’ll hold the door for people. If a date holds it for me I feel respected and pleased - better than him barging through and letting it slam in my face!

As long as a date is polite, respectful and a little chivalrous I don’t have a problem with it. If he’s patronising and treats me like a silly little woman I’ll leave. It sounds like your friend was just being polite. She was being a dick.

Drogosnextwife · 19/03/2019 12:58

If she was that desperate for everything to be equal she would have insisted on paying for her share or offered to pay the lot. The rest of it makes her sound like a dick, he was just being polite.

cariadlet · 19/03/2019 13:01

Poor bloke! His date was very rude.

A couple of the things could be seen as a bit old fashioned, but he was clearly just trying to be thoughtful and polite. He's well rid of her.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/03/2019 13:01

She sounds bloody awful and like she’s got a huge chip on her shoulder.

He won’t be seeing her again then?!

SpiritedLondon · 19/03/2019 13:01

WTF is her problem? She sounds like a tedious waste of an evening.

MrsFionaCharming · 19/03/2019 13:06

Sounds like that’s his spin on it...

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the sort of guy who refuses to walk through a door held by a women, and insists on taking the door from her so she can walk through leading to an awkward little dance. That sort of thing pisses me off too.

Sexnotgender · 19/03/2019 13:09

He’s dodged a bullet there. She sounds like an arsehole.

Houseonahill · 19/03/2019 13:10

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the sort of guy who refuses to walk through a door held by a women, and insists on taking the door from her so she can walk through leading to an awkward little dance.

How the he'll have you come to that conclusion Confused

KC225 · 19/03/2019 13:12

Sometimes it's so bloody obvious why people (both sexes) are single.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 19/03/2019 13:13

Now he knows why she is still single. Also clearly wasn't into him.

feelingsinister · 19/03/2019 13:14

She sounds really rude and I wouldn't behave like that on a date.

He does sound quite old fashioned though. I don't need special treatment because I'm a woman and don't enjoy chivalry and all that 'ladies first' crap. Open a door for me to be polite, great. Open a door for me because I have a vagina, no thanks.

Auba14 · 19/03/2019 13:15

She sounds terrible! Tell him not to take it personally and there will be women out there who will appreciate the manners and behaviours he demonstrated.

Sounds like she was already in a bad mood by the time she turned up, I really hope he stays away from her, she sounds absolutely horrific and it just makes the date awkward.

stevie69 · 19/03/2019 13:22

Well, I love having the door held open for me by the guys I date. It's not a deal breaker if they don't but .... I do like it.

I'm absolutely a woman of today but I'm really not gonna lose my shit if someone opens a door for me. So artless Hmm

stevie69 · 19/03/2019 13:24

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the sort of guy who refuses to walk through a door held by a women, and insists on taking the door from her so she can walk through leading to an awkward little dance. That sort of thing pisses me off too.

FFS Hmm

Alsohuman · 19/03/2019 13:24

I bet he was delighted when she said she didn’t want to see him again. Women like her give us all a bad name. Poor man.

thecatsthecats · 19/03/2019 13:25

My husband always complains that I sit down before he has a chance to pull out my chair, and that I apparently keep blanking waiters who've pulled out the chair for me because I go for the other one.

He's a bit annoying around doors too - doing the whole ladies first thing when actually HE IS IN MY WAY. Also because I know he actually wants me to go first and speak to the waiter and ask for a table, so it's not chivarly at all Grin

stevie69 · 19/03/2019 13:25

She was very rude.

I like manners, and having someone hold the door for me is nice. I’m a woman and I’ll hold the door for people. If a date holds it for me I feel respected and pleased - better than him barging through and letting it slam in my face!

As long as a date is polite, respectful and a little chivalrous I don’t have a problem with it. If he’s patronising and treats me like a silly little woman I’ll leave. It sounds like your friend was just being polite. She was being a dick.

Took the words right out of my mouth Smile

JacquesHammer · 19/03/2019 13:25

On the face of it she sounds rude, however I would be interested to hear her take on it!

ShatnersWig · 19/03/2019 13:26

A bit of womanly wisdom needed for this one please, I haven't dated for years

Aren't the men of MN allowed to comment? I know some are probably short of wisdom...

I think if she actually said "You're a dick" I might have said "And you're a cunt", got up and walked out.

And I've never actually spoken that word allowed in 45 years.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2019 13:27

She's clearly not into him and was using any excuse to have a dig, and to be honest you'd think after the first sexist comment he'd have learned and handled it better, not went in for the triple.

I'd assume to be honest she didn't remotely fancy him.

nornironrock · 19/03/2019 13:33

Wow, she sounds delightful. I was raised to hold the door open for ladies, and for them to order first, be served before me at the bar etc etc. I know that some women don't like it, and that's fine. I'll continue to be well mannered, as will my children - male and female.

To be fair, I'll hold the door open for anyone, vagina not essential!!!

bingoitsadingo · 19/03/2019 13:38

I don't mind a bit of stereotypical gentlemanly conduct (not that I ever get it lol), but he sounds a bit dense if he didn't pick up on the fact she wasn't keen on it from her first comment about being cringey.

I'd say she made it pretty clear it wasn't the kind of thing she liked, and he either ignored it or didn't pick up on her social cues, neither of which are polite.

PregnantSea · 19/03/2019 13:42

She was just a dickhead. Most women aren't like this.

Sol44 · 19/03/2019 13:42

Well this woman sounds like an idiot, but let her get on with it. I’m sure she’ll end up with some dead beat in her own good time. I never understand such an attitude. My DH has his issues, but he’s always a gent and I can’t fault him on that.

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