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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not take the baby to the toilet with me

128 replies

LLOE7 · 18/03/2019 23:45

I have a 5 month old dd who is very much a Velcro baby. She only settles with me, but to be honest dh hasn't really tried to gain a bond with her, just says that she never wants him and just wants me- he says he will look after her when she's older as she's for me to look after while she is a baby. Anyway I have a very upset tummy tonight so have to keep visiting the toilet. I just went to the toilet and dd was crying, dh was shushing her and blowing in her face Hmm and telling me to 'come on' I told him I'm not well and to comfort her, then I rushed as fast as I could. When I got back and took dd back we had this conversation-
Dh "You keep upsetting her, you have been to the toilet three times now about 20 minutes each time"
Me "I'm not well, what am I supposed to do?"
Dh "well you have to consider her needs, she comes first. Take her with you."
Me "But I'm not well, you only need to look after her for a little while. Try comforting her instead of just blowing in her face. I'm having really bad cramps and a bad tummy."
Dh "You need to consider her needs, she just wants you, she doesn't want me she just screams"
Me "But how is it fair on me to hold her while I'm on the toilet with a poorly tummy?"
Dh "This sounds like emotional blackmail now."
Me "What? No. How is it fair on me to take her with me while I am having a poorly tummy and she will just want to breastfeed? That's not fair is it and I will struggle if I have her with me when I've finished and everything" (Blush)
Dh "Well life isn't fair. She just wants you we don't need to go through this again."
Then he promptly went back to sleep.

So my tummy is grumbling at me and I am having awful cramps so what do I do? Take her with me or leave her for dh to comfort? Who is BU? The reason she is crying is because we co sleep and I breastfeed so me getting up disturbs her.

OP posts:
Livpool · 19/03/2019 07:21

YANBU

He said what?!

So you take your child to the bathroom to possibly breathe in germs. How on earth could you have allowed yourself to be unwell!!!????

I hope he gets the same bug, only worse

HumphreyCobblers · 19/03/2019 07:26

The worst thing is that he excused his terrible attitude by trying to imply that YOU are being mean to the baby! How bloody dare he?

Tiptoetiptoetiptoe · 19/03/2019 07:33

He sounds like a king amongst men.

I’m glad not a single PP has given him any slack, as he’s a lazy horrible fucker.

It’d be a conversation of buck up or piss off if that was my DH! (Luckily he’s an absolutely brilliant father who’s never once complained about seeing to DC, and relishes every second.)

CostanzaG · 19/03/2019 07:36

Sorry but is a complete twat.....and a sexist one at that.

I find men like this abhorrent. It's disgusting behaviour. Unfortunately he is a shit husband and parent.

TheMaddHugger · 19/03/2019 07:36

What ???? ! ?

ElizabethMountbatten · 19/03/2019 07:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Bellatrix14 · 19/03/2019 07:38

I would actually have slightly more respect for him if he asked you to take her with you because she was disturbing him and he had work in the morning (although I’d still think he was being a dick), as then at least he’d be being selfish but truthful. But to basically try and emotionally blackmail you in to taking her by implying that you are somehow neglecting her emotional needs but trying to have diarrhoea in peace is just Angry

I hope you feel better soon, he’s being a complete idiot Flowers

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 19/03/2019 07:46

Eh? Hygeine, that’s why.
^ this.

The baby stays crying in the cot for 20 mins while you are ill in the bathroom. Her father can hold her or listen to her cry but DO NOT hold her over a steaming toilet. That is just stupid.

FrozenMargarita17 · 19/03/2019 07:48

What the actual fuck did I just read. He's an absolute cunt! It's absolutely because she's a girl which is despicable. Honestly op, why are you with him ?! He sounds like he wants nothing to do with you or dd.

WarmCoffee · 19/03/2019 08:00

He sounds like an utter twat and I think you should show him this thread.

I also think this weekend you should tell him you need some me time, and go out, even for four or five hours (you could bring your 3yo even, say you want a "mummy date" with him. Your husband needs to be alone and solely responsible for the baby for a big chunk of time, so he gains some confidence and has a bond.

Yes, babies that age prefer their mother and cry for her when she's there, but (I have a 7mo baby myself), if you're out the building and they can't smell your milk, they can usually settle happily with dad or grandparents.

The not bathing her because she's a girl part is absurd. She is a BABY. Is there another adult man who raised daughters you could get to have a word with him about this? FIL, BIL, friend? You can't be on bath duties with her for the next seven years because your husband is a twat. I hope to god he does her nappies and wipes her properly after a poo?

Also I don't believe in letting my baby cry, but the blatant exception for this (in the day when my husband is at work) is when you need a poo!? Then she can cry for five minutes. That's everyone's unwritten rule, right!? If your husband is in the house and you're I'll, obviously he should be comforting her. I also think of you're still I'll today, he should take the day off work to look after her.

burritofan · 19/03/2019 08:02

This is one of the worst things I've read on this site. I mean, seriously? The normal reaction to your partner have 3 x 20-minute bouts of diarrhoea is "Are you OK?", not "Look, that's enough illness for you, either you stay here and shit the bed or you breastfeed on the toilet." What a horrid, horrid, unkind man. HOW DARE HE.

We don't know whether we're having a boy or a girl and the only concern my DP has expressed re girls is worry that as he's never changed a girl's nappy, he might do it wrong and accidentally cause a UTI, so can we do the first nappies together? I.e. he knows enough to know that could happen and he wants his baby to be healthy, the end. Your husband's attitude to bath time is not normal.

I hope you're feeling much better this morning, and I hope your husband poos himself on the way to work.

AuntieCJ · 19/03/2019 08:04

He's a selfish cunt. Get him out of your children's lives before he has a chance to have any influence on them. Better no man than a cunt.

ChrisPrattsFace · 19/03/2019 08:06

He’s so right though...Life isn’t fair, and he needs to stop being a dickhead.
Sorry you’re stuck with someone like that, I don’t think I know many people who think a baby should be inches away from diarrhoea (possibly a big) rather than comforted by the sperm that made them!

WoahThereMama · 19/03/2019 08:07

WTF?! Is he always that much of a prick? Sit with a baby on the toilet whilst you have the squits? How is that hygenic and how are you meant to wipe? And he has the gall to accuse you of emotional blackmail!!

snowball28 · 19/03/2019 08:16

Lazy bastard.

BlueSkiesLies · 19/03/2019 08:17

He has ishoooooos

Won’t bath his baby girl in case he touches a girl bit? Tells you’re you’re neglecting her and need to breastfeed a baby whilst having the shits?

Dear god he sounds awful. Any scope for some kind of couples counselling to help him work through his fucked up ness?

TedAndLola · 19/03/2019 08:23

Why are you putting up with this?

Do you want your daughter growing up thinking it's normal for mothers to do everything while the father relaxes? Thinking it's normal for fathers to treat boys better than girls?

userxx · 19/03/2019 08:29

What a dick.

user1480880826 · 19/03/2019 08:30

Some people have commented that the baby might enjoy his company more if he was more hand on etc but that isn’t a fair assumption. My husband is a brilliant dad to our 21 month old and she still doesn’t want to know him most of the time. 90% of the time she just wants me and if he tries to help she just shouts “no, daddy” at him. It’s awful for him and it makes him very upset but it’s not unusual behaviour for a baby/toddler. Don’t confuse this with w baby rejecting a father for being an aresehole.

Halloumimuffin · 19/03/2019 08:36

When you have a bad tummy your bathroom will be a hotbed of aerosolised bacteria. Taking her in there is a serious risk of exposing her to your illness which could possible be much worse for her. Your dh is a twat and wants to put your baby at risk of illness because he can't be bothered with his child. What a catch.

Munchkingoat · 19/03/2019 08:46

I've read many shocking things on here but this is right up there. He is an absolute utter cunt. Seriously, what kind of a human would say that?? I'd like to think I'd fuck off for the entire day when better and leave him to it.

Nanny0gg · 19/03/2019 08:52

@user1480880826

He's deliberately avoiding his daughter.

He's an arse

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 19/03/2019 09:02

I had food poisoning that came on suddenly in the middle of the night the other week. DH didn't have to be asked to take over night time duties with the baby, he just did it without a second thought. He then took both DC out for a few hours the next day so I could sleep. To be honest I'd have been shocked and really hurt if he'd done any different. Looking after a baby when the other parent is ill isn't a favour, it's not something you should have to negotiate or plead for. It's just a normal part of parenting!

OP, if your DH is affronted by the suggestion that he hold his own baby for a few minutes while you evacuate your bowels then something is seriously wrong. He clearly doesn't see your DD as being his responsibility in any way. As far as he's concerned she's your baby. When you're feeling better you need to have a serious conversation with him about this. He needs know that his response last night was not normal or acceptable.

I hope you're stomach is feeling better Flowers

Buddytheelf85 · 19/03/2019 09:07

He sounds like a prize prick and YANBU. Also, why does he blow in her face? Is that a thing? I’ve never heard of it before.

Happynow001 · 19/03/2019 09:12

Hi OP. Hope you are feeling much better this morning.

All the lovely people on this thread have pretty much said it all but I just wanted to add that he is a GIT!! It's sad that he so got into your head that you actually had to ask if you were being unreasonable.

Unsure of your circumstances but could you have someone more sympathetic and grown up be with you today - maybe your mother? You need a (gentle) hug 🤗

MidniteScribbler: Lick his toothbrush. Yes! He'd deserve the consequences.

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