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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Should a preschool deal with soiling?

163 replies

poomageddon · 18/03/2019 13:33

Does anyone else go to a preschool where they won't deal with soiling?

OP posts:
drspouse · 19/03/2019 12:58

My DD is in Reception and has a medical condition that means she still soils and wets herself.
OP the relevant legislation is discrimination on grounds of disability or medical condition.

drspouse · 19/03/2019 12:58

Sorry I should have added school are great about changing her.

poomageddon · 19/03/2019 12:59

They could have called my partner, although he is also an hour away, or my emergency contact who lives close by, if it was an emergency. Where I live, an hour commute is normal. Obviously in a big emergency, I'd hope an ambulance would be called. There was no reception in the meeting room I was in.

However, equally a parent could have been in an exercise class or even out having lunch with a friend or midshop, forgotten their phone, having a nap, at a baby group where you're often not allowed phones, hanging upside down naked playing a flute with a carrot baton up their nose etc etc.

For a child that has only just turned three, when the preschool were fully aware he was still having an odd accident before he started (this is the third at school in the two months), with a published policy that details how they deal with soiling (which they now say they don't do), NOTHING was said to me about having to be available to change him! If it was, I wouldn't have sent him there as it's an appalling policy. When I found out about this policy AFTER he'd had an accident at school and I was called in, I said I was concerned over what would happen if I wasn't wfh and was in the office (my office is an hour away if trains all work - I was with a client only half an hour away yesterday and was meant to continue working with them in their office after the meeting). I was told that of course in that scenario, they would deal with it. They didn't. They have CHOSEN a policy that I don't know of any other nursery or preschool irl adopting!

OP posts:
poomageddon · 19/03/2019 13:02

@thehop thanks, but I got an error404 message on that link

OP posts:
x2boys · 19/03/2019 13:04

I don't know wether it's legal or not to leave a child soiled. I n a private school,but it's certainly neglectful nobody with an ounce of human decency would do that Sad

Drogosnextwife · 19/03/2019 13:04

I can't believe nurseries are allowed to do this. I am a childminder and no one had ever told me I shouldnt be cleaning a child who has had an accident, pretty sure I would be reported for neglect if I refused to clean them up. Can you take your child out of the nursery and find somewhere else?

Aeroflotgirl · 19/03/2019 13:07

Hope you are pulling him out op, that is a disgrace, if a Nursery adopted that policy, they would not get my custom.

poomageddon · 19/03/2019 13:14

Nursery places are hard to find round here - waiting lists of two years plus for good ones etc, or else the odd slot at others, so would have to mix and match nurseries. I need two places too. Obviously the current situation can't continue though either. I've arranged a meeting with school. There's a lovely lovely lovely childminder they go to sometimes, but she's quitting at the end of term due to personal circumstances.

OP posts:
poomageddon · 19/03/2019 13:18

I told them it was neglect and that it didn't sit well with their supposed nurturing ethos. I need a discussion with them when I'm calmer and have arranged a meeting. Even if they address it, it doesn't sit well with me that they had that policy in the first place. It's like thanking a partner for stopping treating you badly - it's appreciated, but should also be a given.

OP posts:
PinkCrayon · 19/03/2019 13:21

I have never heard of a nursery doing that. It sounds neglectful.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 19/03/2019 13:28

I work in a preschool. I can't imagine why they would change wet accidents but not soiled - apart from the obvious, which is that they don't want to! If I was you I would be trying to pin them down on just what it is about poos that makes them utterly unable to do anything about soiling accidents. They'll have gloves already, you need them for any intimate care.

curlyLJ · 19/03/2019 13:56

I had this issue with a private pre-school my DD used to attend. Proprietor reckoned they weren't allowed/covered to change them once out of nappies. It was complete and utter tosh!

I tried Ofsted for advice - they didn't want to get involved, said settings can choose their own internal policies, but said they'd never heard of them not being 'allowed' to.

In the end I rang the local authority who put me on to child protection team. A lovely lady liked through entire safeguarding policy for me. She found nothing relating to them not being covered/allowed to change, only a paragraph about ensuring children's needs were met ie change them if they need changing!

I challenged proprietor who waffled on and gave me some rubbish about policy changing, but my DD was only a couple of months away from leaving so I dropped it. Couldn't be bothered with her. She was so defensive. It all came down to her not wanting to do it frankly.

Stompythedinosaur · 19/03/2019 14:01

I think that sounds neglectful and I would raise a complaint with the manager about it.

TheChineseChicken · 19/03/2019 14:25

This is really sad. I'm just imagining toddler DD being left like this for 2 hours and I feel a bit ill about it Sad

JazzerMcJazzer · 19/03/2019 14:36

hanging upside down naked playing a flute with a carrot baton up their nose OP, have you been spying on my living room again? Grin
You sound great and hope that you can get them to see sense. Good luck.

Waveysnail · 19/03/2019 14:42

That's ridiculous.

poomageddon · 19/03/2019 14:47

@JazzerMcJazzer sorry about the spying, but you are a very talented flute player!

OP posts:
poomageddon · 19/03/2019 14:49

@curlyLJ - how long ago was this? I did try calling LA on this yesterday, but gave up as couldn't get through to anyone. I wonder if it's the same school! Are you in london?

OP posts:
Omzlas · 19/03/2019 14:57

My DD was in a private nursery and though she was potty trained she'd have the odd accident, both wee & poo. They never left her in her own bodily fluids and I find it appalling that any nursery can

curlyLJ · 19/03/2019 15:00

It was about 10 months ago.

No I'm in West Essex and my one wasn't directly linked to a school, so not the same place.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/03/2019 15:00

I couldn't imagine leaving my child somewhere that thought it was acceptable to leave a kid in a poopey nappy for hours.

DS starts reception and all they ask if they're not toilet trained is nappy pants as they do it in a toilet cubicle.

They can't change nappies outside of the s hook setting so school trips etc.

hazeyjane · 19/03/2019 16:25

I don't think most preschoolers soil their pants? I can understand the odd one, perhaps if they aren't well, but I don't think it's a common occurrence?

Hahahahaha....that's a good one. I assume you are joking?

TabbyMumz · 19/03/2019 16:55

Hazeyjane.....I'm being serious, most 3 and 4 year olds soiling their pants regularly? I really don't think so? My preschool expected pre schoolers to be well potty trained by then, it was frowned upon if they weren't.

BiscuitDrama · 19/03/2019 16:59

It doesn’t matter how often it is?

x2boys · 19/03/2019 17:02

Well thankfully preschools are not allowed to discriminate any more Tabby.

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