To think my oh is tight?

[isitbedtimeyett]

I'm still stuck in my maternity clothes baggy and to big would love some new stuff.
OH is trying to get his savings back up as we spent a lot last year. I have no money as I have been paying for the holiday as it had to be paid of by March 20th so I've cleared it.

He's got 3k left in his bank and gets paid £120 cash in hand a day. I've asked him for some money to just get a few new things for myself and he's not having it. He's saying he's the only one paying bills he's got this bill to pay and this bill so he's not giving me anything. Just want to add the bills are small bills £40 virgin £110 gas and electric that's it.

Aibu or is he being really tight?

I feel so down about myself I've had a lot of these clothes from my first pregnancy with DS.

And what attracted you to this baby who has daddy manage his money for him?!

@adaline dad puts the money aside and give OH as a lump sum end of year.

How to find out if HMRC considers your OH as self employed.

If he is legally self employed, then he needs to do an annual self assessment (or one needs to be done on his behalf) or if he is actually employed by his dad, he should be receiving wage slips and an annual P60 showing deduction of tax, NI etc. But either way, I'd want to see evidence that the appropriate amount of tax is being paid.

OP you sound like a spender and your OP sounds like he is trying to save every month. Where does the 290 that you have after expenses go? A young couple with a baby, no house, no real savings and a 3500 holiday seems extravagant, are you having this holiday to keep up with your Insta buddies? Fuck me, I know I'm an old gimmer but really?

dad puts the money aside and give OH as a lump sum end of year.

So he gives your OH the tax money due and your OH then makes the tax payment to Revenue?

@isitbedtimeyett that makes sense.

But I still don't understand why you can't buy your own clothes? You bring in over 1k a month. Surely now the holiday is paid off you'll have money for clothes?

I forget to say, I do think YABU, your partner is not being tight he is managing his money.

@Hyrana no mum and dad are from Jamaica wanted to go forever but my parents always said it wasn't safe. So I was determined to go this year and my dad has finally built up the courage to go back to his home.

@adaline I can it's just like all the other things petrol parking grabbing some food while I'm out with the kids it just adds up. I'm always buying the kids clothes aswell DD is growing so fast.

Not a long term solution but have you looked in charity shops for some better fitting/different clothes?

I was going to suggest this. If you have an affluent town near you, go there, they tend to have much better stuff! My friend got a beautiful Karen Millen dress and some Jigsaw clothes from a charity shop the other week. Came home with about 5 new outfits for around £50, the Karen Millen was only a tenner!

Of course it adds up - just like all those little expenses add up for your partner too. If he has a car he also has fuel, insurance etc. to save and pay for, no?

I just think if it's really important you need to put some of your own money aside and not expect him to pay for your clothes.

Maybe he could pay for DD's clothes instead? That would free up some of your budget?

I lost all sympathy for you when I read you are spending 3500 on a holiday. Dont moan about not being able to afford clothes you have picked the holiday as your priority.

You receive £1140 pcm which equates to £15K gross
OH earns approx £2400 pcm which equates to £38K gross (if he actually paid tax!)

A net household income of £3.5k+ pcm with no rent and little savings means poor money management!

Do you drive a Porsche? What car insurance costs £2040 a year, get a cheaper car. £170 a month is a ridiculous amount to pay a month on car insurance.

When my DS first passed his test the insurance was £1150 for the year, so how is yours so expensive? Just to compare, now he is 22 and has 4 years no claims it was £300 for the year this year.

Or do you mean car finance and insurance?

"He puts 300 a month into his savings"

If you live together and have kids together you need to be sharing your money together better

perhaps you need a spending plan op?
have a budget so you are not spending money like water.

grabbing some food while I'm out with the kids it just adds up
I would increase your food shop budget – which you said earlier is £60-70 a month? That's really low! – to include lunches/snacks for when you're out and about, it will work out much cheaper than grabbing snacks/sandwiches/whatever while out. Can you walk sometimes to save on petrol and parking, or are you in the middle of nowhere?

The thing that is going to cost the most in the long run is not the holiday or the wild budgeting, but when HMRC catches up with whatever scam your DP and his dad are running.

What's the insurance for? £170 a month sounds like loads, that's nearly £2k a year. Our total insurance bill (car, motorhome, buidlings and contents) is less than £600.

And if your DH gets £120 a day after his dad has put some aside for his tax, his true rate of pay will be much higher, around £150pd. Is he on the CIS scheme, like a subcontractor? If he's not, it sounds very much like he's an employee to me. I'd be very wary, HMRC are really clamping down on spurious self-employment.

I think you need to sit down with him and have a serious chat about money and who pays what. You seem to be meeting the lion's share of everyday costs (food, nursery, kids' clothes, insurance) out your £1,140 a month, while he just pays for a couple of utility bills (although someone must be paying council tax, which you haven't mentioned).

I bet if you worked out all your family outgoings, he'd be paying a much smaller proportion than you, despite having a much larger income. That's really not fair.

Hard to comment on whether or not he's tight, as he's obviously committed to saving for a deposit, but if it means you're walking round in maternity clothes while he's madly squirreling money away, that's really not on.

My DP is tight, which is why we have a joint account we contribute equally to and the rest of our money is our own!

you'll be wanting clothes to go to ja as well! Can't you put clothes on the credit card and pay it off next month before interest is due?
If he's saving for house that's ok, but if just for rainy day it seems a bit ?
I'm sure you can get something out of an isa, just you will lose interest on that bit.
I'm not surprised he feels a bit financially insecure if he worked and then got paid in rent instead of money, that's shit. However it seems your division of money is a bit rigid and maybe not equitable. Also if not married who owns what is important, needs to be fair. Is it?

Blimey, I don't understand these responses. He does sound right to me. It sounds like he's paying far less proportionally and not really paying for his daughter's stuff. Why should you pay it all out of lower income?

I think it’s fair to say that the op is living rent free - that’s worth a lot of money every month.

See if you can ebay stuff from around the house, should be easy to raise a few hundred for a new wardrobe

I'm wondering how you are hoping to buy a property when you only have £3k in savings? Where's the deposit coming from?

Your financial arrangements seem very strange - perhaps a budget would benefit you both, the spender and the saver.

This doesn't make sense, he saves £300 a week yet only has £3000 in savings plus credit card debt. He does need to be saving but for his end of year tax bill. Also you're only in maternity clothing for around six months what were you wearing before then? Sounds to me like you want a new holiday wardrobe.

OP you're putting unnecessary pressure on your DH. £120 a day assuming he's paying tax doesn't leave very much for a family who have just had a baby (big expense), paying for a holiday (big expense), looking to buy a home (big expense), holiday paid on credit card (big expense) - not to mention on going expense.

Am I right to assume he's a labourer, so risky job, that pays well but can be damaging if he's to have an accident at work (massive expense not just money wise). He's wise to ensure that your family can grow its savings pile. Plus with everything in the news about the supposed turbulent times we could expect in the country. Is it of any surprise that he's being conscious of only having 3k saving.

Be patient, give him some time. With all of this it's obvious why he may think that clothes are not a priority.

Yep, he’s tight. It’s not just his money, it’s the family’s money. You shouldn’t have to wear huge maternity clothes when your family can afford not to. He sounds controlling tbh.

Having said that, your DC surely doesn’t need to be in nursery while you’re at home so you could save a chunk there.