To think my oh is tight?

[isitbedtimeyett]

I'm still stuck in my maternity clothes baggy and to big would love some new stuff.
OH is trying to get his savings back up as we spent a lot last year. I have no money as I have been paying for the holiday as it had to be paid of by March 20th so I've cleared it.

He's got 3k left in his bank and gets paid £120 cash in hand a day. I've asked him for some money to just get a few new things for myself and he's not having it. He's saying he's the only one paying bills he's got this bill to pay and this bill so he's not giving me anything. Just want to add the bills are small bills £40 virgin £110 gas and electric that's it.

Aibu or is he being really tight?

I feel so down about myself I've had a lot of these clothes from my first pregnancy with DS.

@morningstress But presumably you're not spending £3500 on a holiday anytime in the near future in that case? The OP is. So I assume she is only doing this as she can afford the basics. But as she has no appropriate clothing, something's going a bit wrong somewhere.

Well if you had no income at all and were totally dependent on him it would be a clear case of tight arsed bloke. But you have a decent wedge of cash coming in. But then I have seperate finances to my husband so it's similar and I can relate.

The only thing is the nursery fees, is that for his child and does he pay half of those? Also do you really need nursery at the minute?

Food shopping £60-70
Insurance £170
Nursery £380

Assume nursery and car insurance is monthly. That’s £550.
Add another £300 for food/nappies etc..
That brings your monthly spend up to £850 and your income is £1,140
That leaves you with £290 per month. Can you not buy yourself some clothes with that ??!

From your first post I would have said he's tight, that it's not "his" money and he's not paying the bills alone – he's only able to earn because you're doing the childcare.

Then came the flood-feed of financial bonkersness. A £3.5k holiday, half of which is gaining interest on a credit card, a precarious-sounding living situation (do you have a contract for this rent-free home?), plans to buy in six months' time with very little savings (£3k might cover some of the solicitor, surveys, fees, searches and stamp duty, what about the rest?), and you have no clothes? I'm confused, tbh.

Your half of the holiday is paid off? So next month, you'll have more maternity pay leftover, since you're not paying off a holiday, and can buy some clothes then. But think about whether you need them (presumably you get dressed every day), or want them.

The only reason I'm really struggling this month is because I didn't realise the holiday had to be paid of this month I thought it was next month hence why I asked OH for some money to get a few bits.

I have an isa account with £1800 but can't touch my savings until April I think.

Anyway next month I will make sure I get myself some stuff instead of always buying for dd and ds.

I realise it's not the point of the thread, but if your husband is paid cash in hand or paid by living rent free...is he paying tax? Is the money he's putting by in case he has to do that?

So in actual fact your oh is not tight at all. Is that established now?

I do think that you both need to look at your financial situation though.
What will happen if HMRC find out that he has been given use of a house rent free in lieu of wages ? Will there be an income tax liability there ??

OP, it sounds to me as though both you and your husband need to be better at budgeting. I don't think it's unreasonable of him to want to maintain the savings. I do think he shouldn't be paying for such an expensive holiday on his credit card (and frankly, it doesn't sound like either of you can really afford this holiday). I don't think there's anything unreasonable in waiting a few weeks to get some new clothes, but I also think that you could probably afford to get some now if you went to charity shops.

In general, I think you would both be better off if you did regular household and individual budgeting instead of buying stuff and then finding yourselves running short at the end of the month.

He gets £600 a wk and you pay no rent? What the fuck is he doing with it all?!

Did you go around naked before you were pregnant?!

I think you need a serious discussion about how your finances work. You need money of your own.

OH and I created a joint a/c when we married and everything has always gone in there. We trust each other to make good financial decisions and only consult each other if it is big expenditure.

Your holiday sounds a bit OTT given your circumstances and the fact that you have a baby.

He gets £600 a wk and you pay no rent? What the fuck is he doing with it all?!

He is saving £300 per week.
They want to buy a house later this year.

@LovingLola I still think he's tight he can afford to go for lunch everyday with his dad an uncle at work and buy cigarettes.

@bridgetreilly I agree definitely need to sit down and have a look at our outgoings.

@pinkyredrose savings he saves saves saves saves and saves.

Also his dad pays his taxes at the end of the year so the £120 he earns a day is his.

You need money of your own.

She gets £1,140 per month.

@Mishappening no I didn't but I just don't dress like that anymore. I find I'm more mumsy now than ever plus I don't have that kind of figure anymore.

I don't think he sounds right, I think he sounds worried because your finances are in total disarray. Are you spending money on alcohol, cigarettes, takeaways? Because if you are then cut them down/out entirely and you'll find the money for new clothes.

Also his dad pays his taxes at the end of the year so the £120 he earns a day is his.

His father pays his taxes?????
Is that even legal ??

Is there anything you can sell? Clothes, bags, shoes. I sold some high end pre children stuff recently, I wasnt going to wear it again and I was surprised how much I got. Retro gaming like 'gameboys' and 'Nintendos' get in excess of that kind of money on eBay at the moment.

Household items and toys go well on gum tree.

Odd earrings/broken gold jewellery can be sold Hatton Garden Metals do good price per weight.

Have a good root around, I bet you can raise the money easily.

I think you need to get rid of clothes that don’t fit. Then tell him you need-

Jeans x 2 £30 each
Long sleeved tops x 4 £12 each
Cardigans x 2 £20 each

I’m having you shop at H&M, next and supermarkets as a price reference. Hope that’s ok.

If it’s all spelt out then it seems a bit more reasonable?

But long term you need to work out a budget and some money for yourself.

Is he actually self employed then? Or does he work for his father? The entire set-up sounds very dubious.

Sounds like he works for his dad as a contractor and you live in accomodation that his dad owns? But you say your OH is self employed?

The working/financial arrangements will be OK, providing that an appropriate amount of tax is paid etc and he really is self employed in the eyes of the taxman - you can't just decide to be self employed if the law says that the way you work indicates otherwise.

You say his dad pays your OH taxes at the end of the year - does your OH see a copy of the self assessment done on his behalf? It sounds like quite an unusual arrangement and I think I would like to see confirmation everything is above board for my own peace of mind, because if tehre is ever an investigation and it is found that your OH has not paid enough tax because his dad is being economical with the truth, they will expect your OH to pay back the unpaid tax on his earnings.

For the 'spending money' aspect - both you and your OH should have equal amounts of personal spending money. You are currently on less money due to maternity leave for your joint child and presumably you do housework etc too, all of which your OH is benefitting from.

Therefore, after bills, food, child expenses and savings have been accounted for, any leftover money should be split 50/50 so you both have an equal amount of money you can spend on lunches, clothes, cigarettes, or whatever your personal wants are.

@LovingLola it's all so complicated to explain but OH day working rate would be more than £120 but his dad takes some of for tax and when OH pays his tax bill end of the year his dad gives him the lump sum then.

@Tawdrylocalbrouhaha it's all a bit dodgy to be honest I don't get it but OH is registered as self employed.

So he lives rent free… his father pays his taxes… struggling to understand why there isn't more money/more in savings. Just how much was spent last year? Is there secret debt? Because if I lived rent-free and didn't pay tax, I'd have a Scrooge McDuck swimming pool of coins to splash about in, and I'm not a high earner.

So he's not self-employed then, he works for his dad. Or do you mean his dad puts the money aside from him?

Either way can you not just wait until next month to buy clothes? You say you're only short because you had to pay off the holiday which suggests this is just a temporary blip - so just wait until your money comes in and buy then, like other people have to do.

If I wanted to buy a new outfit and I couldn't afford it until payday I would just wait. I wouldn't ask my husband for money when there were bills to pay and we were saving for a house and to pay off a holiday! He doesn't sound remotely tight to me.

Sounds like he just thinks you have your own income (over 1k per month) so you should use that to buy your clothes?

This is ridiculous. You have plenty of money coming in yourself. Enough clothes to keep you going will cost you less than £50 in a charity shop.

You piss away £3500 on a holiday when you don’t even have secure accommodation? And you have a second child (first with him) when you haven’t even sorted out as a couple how to manage your finances well? As your older one is only in nursery, you didn’t even wait to even know this man properly before increasing your family in this precarious situation.

Your finances are so chaotic that it’s really impossible to tell whether he’s being tight, not giving you money for clothes, or whether when you only have to wait a couple of weeks for your own money to be paid again he’s right not to cover for you and expect you to manage your own money properly.

£3500 on a holiday you’re not even tied to school holidays!

This has got to be a wind up?