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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Obvious addict came to my door.

106 replies

SilkClayFlowers · 17/03/2019 20:23

I’m sorry I really had no idea where to post this.

Earlier this evening a (sadly) obvious drug addict was knocking on my door and I ignored her till she came into my garden and gave me story about her wallet being lost, train fare etc.

I told her in no uncertain terms I couldn’t help and to try the village shop. I’ve absolutely no idea why I said that.

I think the poor woman was just chancing her luck but at the same time it’s quite a stretch to reach my door. We are in an old cottage not on a street so the whole thing unnerved me a bit. Also i never lock the house or car doors (sleepy village and as I said not on the road) so it’s made me re-evaluate that.

I feel a bit silly to be a bit worried by the whole thing not least because it’s been just me and my infant children all weekend.

Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Supersimpkin · 17/03/2019 21:33

I've handed money over on my doorstep before now. And - wait for it - a teaspoon too 'so we can stir our tea'. I am that naive. Well, was.

I live in central London and my new NDN were smackheads. They were charming, but didn't last long as evicted for selling sex rather too obviously.

Junkies tend to be a bit grey, regardless of race, and glisten. They're not always that thin at first IME.

MissBPotter · 17/03/2019 21:36

Yes I would assume she was casing the joint, checking if anyone was in and if not may have tried to break in. Happened to me once, bloke knocked on door asking for someone (no one that lived here) and empty rucksack on back. Had we been out would have tried his luck.

Definitely start locking doors!!! Especially when it’s just you and young children at home, doesn’t matter where you live.

Daubergine · 17/03/2019 21:37

I'm not sure why you're posting?

BarbarianMum · 17/03/2019 21:37

What made it so obvious she was an addict

Her appearance perhaps? Hmm

itsbritneybiatches · 17/03/2019 21:41

@Patroclus

Good for you.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 17/03/2019 21:46

I live in a beautiful rural part of Scotland, am trained in self defence and have a large dog but I still lock my doors and car every single time. I think it's just sensible no matter where you live.

We've had a spell of 4x4 cars nicked here because people leave their front doors open with car keys nearby. I'm pretty certain if the insurers can wiggle out of paying up for that reason, they will.

Polarbearflavour · 17/03/2019 21:49

Being MN, someone will shortly be along to say you should have given her money/your house/car. 🙄

Laiste · 17/03/2019 21:50

They already have Polarbearflavour Grin

AbsentmindedWoman · 17/03/2019 21:50

I don't think you can always tell who is an opiate addict.

Peaches Geldof didn't seem to look any different to other young celebrities. If she hadn't been in the public eye with people talking about her behaviours, would it still have been possible to tell she had an addiction? But she died of a heroin overdose. Bloody sad for her and her young children Sad

Zero judgement from me of either OP (who is understandably worried about a potential threat to her kids) or anyone struggling with the nightmare of addiction.

MaybeDoctor · 17/03/2019 21:52

Treat this as a wake-up call and put a few new security measures in place while this incident is still fresh in your mind.

Don't leave your bag in the car.
Lock any doors that you aren't using at that moment.
Get better fencing - how was she able to come into your garden?
Window locks
Put obscuring film on any clear panes in your door or porch
Make sure that the front of your house doesn't look unkempt

Hth

x2boys · 17/03/2019 21:55

Quite agree Patroclus someone very close to me was a functioning addict in that they worked were married had kids etc sometimes it's obvious sometimes its not they have been clean for years still in suboxone though and no one would guess .

ilovesooty · 17/03/2019 22:00

If I'm going to be judgmental of anyone it's of people who use words like junkies and smackheads.

NannyRed · 17/03/2019 22:01

Sorry to break it to you mn but ‘addicts’ don’t always look like the walking dead.
I worked 20+ years as a pharmacist, some of our addicts looked like John Barrowman, Cheryl Cole, Philip Schofield and even Rebel Wilson ish, ie, healthy, mostly lean but not all, not all young, not all “addict” looking. Even Professional people, you get the idea.

Such a shame that someone who may have genuinely been in need is deemed worthy of mumsnet entertainment.

bigbluebus · 17/03/2019 22:05

I don't think there is really anywhere left where you can leave your doors unlocked any more, sadly.
I live in a relatively crime free village but am now constantly hearing stories of suspicious looking people prowling around near the more isolated properties and only today I was told of someone doing a runner from the village shop with an armful of groceries and a woman hanging around in the centre of the village asking people for money with some sob story or other.

Definite wake up call to lock your car and house doors OP. I no longer leave mine open - I lock the back door now even if i'm just nipping upstairs.

Gingerkittykat · 17/03/2019 22:25

Definitely call the police non emergency line and report it so they know what is going on, and share on local FB groups too.

I would be worried about sneak thefts and also for vulnerable people in the area.

Drogosnextwife · 17/03/2019 22:27

I worked 20+ years as a pharmacist, some of our addicts looked like John Barrowman, Cheryl Cole, Philip Schofield and even Rebel Wilson ish, ie, healthy, mostly lean but not all, not all young, not all “addict” looking. Even Professional people, you get the idea.

And none of the addicts that are like the ones you describe would be begging for money in someone's back garden.

Drogosnextwife · 17/03/2019 22:28

*BellaVista1540

Do any of you naice ladies on here actually know any “addicts”?*

I don't know if you could call me "naice", but yes, plenty, why?

RunAndBeeHappy · 17/03/2019 22:40

yes i'm well acquainted with junkies who come into our place to steal goods to sell on for the cash

over the last year or so they have started to up their game and now come armed or verbally threaten our cashiers. the last being a young lady of 17 in her first job!!

zero sympathy from me i'm afraid

huggybear · 17/03/2019 22:44

I don't think I've ever seen a drug addict, where do you all live?!

BarbarianMum · 17/03/2019 22:51

I don't see them where I live huggy but my brother has been a drug addict for over 20 years. I can spot an addict at 20 paces, a heroin addict at 50.

I have plenty of sympathy for their condition but Id not trust them an inch.

Madein1995 · 17/03/2019 23:00

OP, I do feel for you. It must have been a terrible shock especially with the children. Unfortunately, it isn't safe any more to leave your doors unlocked, even in safe areas. Glad you are ok.

For the judgemental among you. Do you realise the harmful effects words like junkies or snack heads, have? They stir up images. Of dirty people, who look a certain way. Who are violent, who are thieves, evidence can't be trusted. Every one of us has different aspects to out life. A teacher isn't just a teacher. She could be s mother, a volunteer, someone who enjoys eating cake, have a passion for boxercise. She isn't labelled by one aspect of her life.

But addicts are. They're told by society that they're an jynkie. Theres a stigma that means people are terrified to be honest. Because as soon as someone knows that's it. All the other aspects of you disappear. You're a junkie.

I'm not just an addict. I'm also a good worker. I'm a lovely friend. I'm kind, compassionate and friendly. I volunteer with vulnerable women and help them. I try and help claimants as best I can. I had an emotionally abusive childhood and I'm still standing. I'm not just a junkie. I hate, hate, hate that word. It has connetatikns, bad ones. It's not a kind way to describe anyone.

Attitudes like on this thread lead to shame. I was terrified walking to my first appointment. I dressed specially smart and done my hair nice and wore my work lanyard. Because I knew what 'junkies' look like, or are meant to. And that isn't me.

You can sometimes tell people who are adducts. Those people aren't purely identifiable by their addiction, it's because they lead chaotic lives. Im lucky. I had mind for 5 years before I asked for help. It's opiate addiction, but in painkiller firm so it doesn't have the impact on your body, or at least not outwardly. I held down a job, and kept it from my friends and family. People I've told since were shocked, they wouldn't have guessed.

I was a good actor, years of pretending to be ok I suppose. As I said I held down a job which in itself limited my usage. I may have been high but learnt to hide it. I took care of my personal care and appearance. I'm not your 'typical junkie'. Neither are some of the others I see at the pharmacy or at the clinic. Some are. Some are unkempt, poor hygiene, aggressive behaviour etc. I usually get mistaken for a member of staff when I get a taxi to the station sometimes. That don't mean I'm better than them. It just means I was lucky enough that I was able to identify the problem sooner , and strong enough to eventually seem help. It was 5yrs. It could just have easily been 15. By which point my life may have became chaotic.

Addicts, or 'junkies', are not the same people. Junkie is such as offensive term. I work in pip and my heart twinges when people on my team talk about people with addiction In a derogatory way. Because it reminds me what society thinks of people like me, and it reminds me that I cannot be open about things, except with a select few. Even with those select few, I've been in tears and shaking telling them.

Please don't think we're all the same. I'm many things, my addiction doesn't rule me. So whys is the one thing that defines me? And not my kindness, the fact I'd do anything for anything, that I'm funny, or strong, or have good ideas, or go above and beyond for people.

Not all addicts are huddling on street corners shaking or swaggering with eyes as big as dinner plates. They could be the person on the end of the line when you call a company. They could be your children's teacher, or dinner lady. They could be the librarian, the shop assistant. They could be the receptionist, the nurse or the doctor. They could work at your child's nursery. They could be the person who cares for your sick grandma in a home. They could be your cleaner. They could be your neighbour, your sister, your friend. Laughable that people think they can spot an addict a mile off. What you can spot is someone who is either off their face and unable to hide it, or more commonly someone with a chaotic life

Shame. It's something that many groups of people have felt in the past. 'Nutter'. 'Bastard.' 'Lame.' 'Gay.'. Horrid words with no place in society. Horrid words that cause shame and hurt people. Just as 'junkie' hurts people, makes them feel Shame, and promotes a culture of secrecy.

ScrumptiousBears · 17/03/2019 23:02

This has happened to me on more then one occasion in different towns/counties. Blatant begging trick and they target women mostly. The more vulnerable the better. I was with my baby at all of these times. They are chancing their arm. CF's

SparklyMagpie · 17/03/2019 23:09

I think even if I lived on my own on a remote island, is still lock my doors that's what concerns me. I have just never understood why they need to be unlocked regardless, and especially with children in the house

Either way hope it's a one off OP and they were chancing it

Gingerkittykat · 17/03/2019 23:11

I don't think I've ever seen a drug addict, where do you all live?!

Small village in central Scotland. I go to the pharmacy at least once a week (weekly prescription box) and regularly see people go into the little room to get their methadone. Most look completely normal.

Sadly nearest town seems to have a big problem, a few people who are the stereotypical addict hanging around. A video on Fb last weeks looked like it was somebody on spice, also one young girl with loads of obvious scabs all over her face.

Drugs are everywhere.

cheaperthebetter · 17/03/2019 23:12

*Maiden 1995
*
Just want to say 👍👍👍👍 fantastic point! 👍👍👍👍👍
Also well done for realising your addiction and that you rule it and not the other way round 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻