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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Obvious addict came to my door.

106 replies

SilkClayFlowers · 17/03/2019 20:23

I’m sorry I really had no idea where to post this.

Earlier this evening a (sadly) obvious drug addict was knocking on my door and I ignored her till she came into my garden and gave me story about her wallet being lost, train fare etc.

I told her in no uncertain terms I couldn’t help and to try the village shop. I’ve absolutely no idea why I said that.

I think the poor woman was just chancing her luck but at the same time it’s quite a stretch to reach my door. We are in an old cottage not on a street so the whole thing unnerved me a bit. Also i never lock the house or car doors (sleepy village and as I said not on the road) so it’s made me re-evaluate that.

I feel a bit silly to be a bit worried by the whole thing not least because it’s been just me and my infant children all weekend.

Has this happened to anyone else?

OP posts:
Original poster
SilkClayFlowers · 17/03/2019 20:43

Also it wasn’t exactly a swanky handbag. Resembles a hessian sack with nappies spilling out of it!

OP posts:
Original poster
SilkClayFlowers · 17/03/2019 20:44

Sorry about the bold fails.

OP posts:
BloominSloe · 17/03/2019 20:48

Regardless of whether she was an addict or not, she came onto the OP's property begging and OP feels intimidated/worried by this!!
I'd lock all your doors all the time now OP. It could be worth ringing your local police station and mentioning you had a visitor. You don't know if she's knocked on any other doors. Elderly people can be quite vulnerable in rural villages like yours.

Dottierichardson · 17/03/2019 20:53

In the area of London I used to live in this was a standard scam, either lost wallet or needing money for a taxi to a hospital to visit someone taken ill and having no cash. It was so common the police issued a bulletin about it. I don't recall it leading to anything more sinister, but locking your doors if there are scammers about seems sensible, friends had their wallets stolen when someone came in through their back door while they were watching TV, but depends on whether you think the risks outweigh the benefits. I can't imagine being able to leave the door or car unlocked where I am now is low crime but still get doorstep scammers, push-in robberies and car theft - we consider that not bad for a relatively urban area.

itsbritneybiatches · 17/03/2019 20:54

A long term addict, usually looks that way.

NannyRed · 17/03/2019 20:56

I had an “obvious addict” come to my house. He was working for the builder we had hired as his apprentice, and was mortified when he recognised the pharmacist who gave him his daily methodone and asked me to ‘keep his secret ‘, I tried to explain that patient confidentiality applies to pharmacists as well as doctors and that I was happy he was doing well, had a job etc.

You do sound judgmental. Maybe your obvious addict had just had a hard life/escaped from trafficking/ been very poor and a little help from you could have really made a difference.

Dottierichardson · 17/03/2019 21:00

It's a variation on 'The Good Samaritan'/hard luck story scam

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8740984.stm

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/scams-fraud/doorstep-scams/

BrightYellowDaffodil · 17/03/2019 21:02

Junkies are quite distinctive - there's something about their mannerisms and behaviours that stands out when you know what to look for.

OP, I wouldn't be overly worried - most junkies are more of a danger to themselves, and some of the ones I see regularly are genuinely nice people. That said, addiction is addiction and an addict's need for a fix trumps everything, so I wouldn't be leaving your car unlocked or bags on view, but I don't think you need to worry about your/your children's personal safety.

Drogosnextwife · 17/03/2019 21:08

Shahlalala

Does it matter what kind of addict, this person came on to the OPs property to try their luck for money.

It's quite easy to tell a smack addict from an alcoholic, trust me we have a few in the family, also a few alcoholics, speed addicts, prescription drug addicts so I know what I'm talking about but I'm not really sure why it makes a difference what the person was addicted to.

OP you did the right thing. As I said we have addicts in our family and when they give you a sob story about needing money for anything there is a 99.9% chance it is to fund their addiction or go towards debts because of their addiction.

whataboutbob · 17/03/2019 21:09

There is a look shared by many opiate/ opioid addicts. There’s a greyness to the skin, and often a claminess too. There’s a “hurried” feel to the way they walk and in long term addiction a loss of fat around the face which might make the eyes appear sunken. Get up close and you might notice very poor teeth due to the sweetness of methadone/ chaotic lifestyle where oral hygiene is low on the list. Those who have not been addicted for quite so long might look more presentable. It’s not judgy to say that, it’s a fact. I’ve worked in the NHS for 30 years/ lived in kings cross area in the early 1990s etc and I’m pretty confident I can recognise the signs. I’ve also had people come up to me asking for money for a taxi to visit their parent/ child / partner who has just been admitted o hospital after a car crash and I’d be pretty unnerved if they were in my garden. I even got taken in once and handed cash over.

EssentialHummus · 17/03/2019 21:10

Some addicts look visibly like addicts, I've no idea what anyone has to gain by turning this round on the OP. I'm sorry OP, I'd be equally jumpy/scared by that. Lock up, mention on a local FB group if you have one, let the police know. Hope it's the last you see of her.

BellaVista1540 · 17/03/2019 21:15

This reply has been deleted

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Nicknacky · 17/03/2019 21:16

How is the op being judgey?!

Laiste · 17/03/2019 21:17

Judgey? To be concerned at night about an addict coming to your house asking for money?

Righto.

Drogosnextwife · 17/03/2019 21:19

Scared she’s gonna steal your judgey pants off your washing line OP?

Or maybe worried about the safety of her children because addicts are unpredictable. You've certainly got your judgey pants on though eh? Perhaps op should have hurried off into her house and handed over some money?

Don't be a twat.

BellaVista1540 · 17/03/2019 21:20

Do any of you naice ladies on here actually know any “addicts”?

IamPickleRick · 17/03/2019 21:23

This has happened to my Mum 4 times. I think because she answered once, they came again and with friends. She’s a disabled lady on her own and her door opens straight to the street, en route to a hospital. They were banging on her door at 4am sometimes and werent even scared off by the dog. If you open the letter box you see straight in to her house so they could look in. It’s very sad but I think you did the right thing Sad

Original poster
SilkClayFlowers · 17/03/2019 21:25

No I’m not judging and without revealing too much personal info I know what addicts look like due to my previous career helping and not judging the pregnant among them.

My sympathies go out to her and I wasnt rude or unpleasant. Just direct in saying you’re not going to get anything from me.

Are a few of you just looking for a bun fight about anything maybe?

OP posts:
IamPickleRick · 17/03/2019 21:26

Do any of you naice ladies on here actually know any “addicts”?

My DM is an addict. She knows what to look for, shes been dry for over a decade and a successful sponsor, and I think that’s what made her answer the first time in spite of the obvious danger.

MumofTinies · 17/03/2019 21:27

Omg only on mumsnet would people nitpick at a mum who is concerned that someone clearly on drugs has come to her home to try and scam her.

NannyRed your story is in no way similar to the OP, the young man in question was in legitimate employment, not begging for drug money.

Dottierichardson · 17/03/2019 21:28

Does it really matter whether the woman was an addict or not? This scam's been doing the rounds in London for over 20 years, and if there are scammers = addicts or no - in the area, sensible to lock your doors, as opportunistic theft can be an issue. It's not judgemental it's just sensible, although a few slightly ott comments on addicts on here.

If people are worried about other people's needs - which is good - then donate to local food banks and/or homeless charities, they ensure that resources go to those who need it.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 17/03/2019 21:28

I am surprised no one has told you off for not inviting her in... Hmm

looks like the Cool Wives have a bit of serious competition with some posters on here falling over themselves not to be even the slightest bit concerned about some drug addled addict daundering about their property.

Make sure you are all secure OP, make the house look busy....lights, tvs & radios on, curtains closed.... and give the local copshop a ring in the morning. They may know who it is if you have a decent description and as pp have said, you might save some pensioner from being sold a sob story, or worse.

Original poster
SilkClayFlowers · 17/03/2019 21:31

That made me laugh ms mighty.

I’m obviously a judge cow for being un nerved by a stranger asking me for cash on my remote property!

OP posts:
Laiste · 17/03/2019 21:31

BellaVista1540 - yes. Was in a relationship with one for 5 awful years.

What's with all the 'i know addicts better than you' competitiveness from a few posters? It's quite funny tbh.

Patroclus · 17/03/2019 21:33

As a former junkie and still on methadone, yes there obviously is a certain look to some of them. Its about 50/50, the other half you probably wouldnt guess. Also I would tell them to piss right off and feel not a shred of guilt about it.