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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't my fault/responsibility

128 replies

Dottyy · 17/03/2019 14:08

I've been seeing somebody new for a few weeks which is going nicely but obviously still very early days.

We speak on the phone before work some days. I am usually up earlier than he is, and he has asked me to ring him to wake him up on a couple of occasions which has been fine and I have been happy to so. On these occasions I've heard his alarm go off so I know he has set them.

Last night we went out separately, and I went to bed without hearing from him. I woke up to a message from 2am saying "I might need waking up in the morning, I have to be up before 8" He had plans to go and see a friend in another city.

My initial reaction was 'I am not an alarm clock', but I tried ringing him once before 8 anyway. He didn't answer but I assumed he had set alarms like normal and I just got on with my morning.

He has only just woken up and is annoyed that I didn't ring more to make sure he was awake.

I really don't think it's my responsibility to ensure he wakes up after a late night. His day out with friends had absolutely nothing to do with me. Or am I being an unreasonably mean cow?

OP posts:
Mememeplease · 17/03/2019 15:19

Call him at 5am tomorrow morning and dump him

Oh yes, please do this Grin

MRex · 17/03/2019 15:26

He's a fuckwit. If you have seriously thought for even a second about continuing this relationship then you need to take some time to reevaluate very carefully what are reasonable expectations in a relationship.

"I'm surprised you didn't get woken up, it seems like there are alarms going off everywhere for me. For clarity, I am not an alarm clock and I don't wish to hear from you again."

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/03/2019 15:31

What a douche.

Original poster
Dottyy · 17/03/2019 15:41

Call him at 5am tomorrow morning and dump him**

That's funny! I am tempted.

I do agree with everything you have all said. He's giving me the silent treatment now so i'll just leave it.

If he gets back in touch i'll explain why I don't want to continue seeing him.

Thank you for making me laugh and giving me the straight advice I needed.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 17/03/2019 15:46

The silent treatment after going out for two weeks? He must really have a high opinion of himself if he thinks he's worth putting up with that kind of shitty behaviour this early in the relationship.

PregnantSea · 17/03/2019 15:49

This is really strange behaviour! Glad you're not bothering with him anymore.

Call me to wake me up?... Lol...

Margot33 · 17/03/2019 15:52

What?? Is he for real??? Just ignore and don't become his personal alarm clock!!! 😂

FilthyforFirth · 17/03/2019 15:52

Why do women set the bar so low?! How have you not dumped him immediately?! Glad to see you're binning him off now! Who knew you needed to add 'is able to get oneself up independently in the morning' to your dating criteria Grin

RedPanda2 · 17/03/2019 15:55

Oh honey dump him. We need these manbabies to die out, alone.

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2019 15:58

He's giving you the silent treatment, and expects you to wake him up and gets annoyed if you don't? Like his mum? What is he twelve?

Op, someone posted on here recently about why they ended up in abusive relarionships

And one of the reasons is ignoring red flags like this.

Dump and block. Just send him a text saying this isn't working for me and I am ending it. And then block him.

Samind · 17/03/2019 15:59

I ended up buying myself a really loud alarm after DP had to keep nudging me to get up as I'd slept through my alarms so understand the sleeping in or worrying about it but take action and suggest he gets better/louder alarm. If he's not happy to do this, then get rid. Not your problem.

Samind · 17/03/2019 15:59

Oh just seen he's giving you the silent treatment. Scrap my last post. Absolutely childish! Not your problem

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 17/03/2019 16:01

Don't explain why you don't want to keep seeing him. To someone like him it's just a list of things for him to prove you wrong on, and if you gave in to him on the alarm thing then you will probably give in to him on not breaking up. Just tell him it's not working for you and you wish him the best for the future.

maddiemookins16mum · 17/03/2019 16:03

Thank your lucky stars you’ve seen the light so early.

coffeeismyspinach · 17/03/2019 16:03

Just ghost him/block. WTAF? You don't owe him anything. Why leave the ball in his court? Fuck that. You need a spine. 'Sick of your controlling shit. We're through. Goodbye.'

WeWantJustice · 17/03/2019 16:03

LOL, he needs dumping for a 2 AM text alone.

What a wanker.

Butterymuffin · 17/03/2019 16:04

Dump, now! And don't bother explaining it. Just tell him it's not working.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/03/2019 16:04

He’s giving you the silent treatment. Really?!? Weirdo.

HollowTalk · 17/03/2019 16:06

And he hadn't woken up until 2 pm when he wanted to get up at 8 am? What kind of idiot is this man? How old is he, 15?

AnneOfCleanTables · 17/03/2019 16:09

I doubt very much that he slept in until 2pm and missed something he wanted to do. This is about controlling and manipulating the OP. It's not about his inability to set an alarm clock or manage his life.

Rottencooking · 17/03/2019 16:11

It's not your responsibility at all and I'd be telling him to fuck off and grow up.

Original poster
Dottyy · 17/03/2019 16:15

AnneOfCleanTables great name! Yes I am realising that. I think you are 100% correct.

OP posts:
MissMogwai · 17/03/2019 16:17

Just text him it's over, then delete and block him. Don't wait for him for him to get in touch.

What a controlling, manipulative, knob head.

In fact just delete and block him.

AntiHop · 17/03/2019 16:17

I'm glad you're not planning to continue the relationship. He sounds like a dick.

BrokenWing · 17/03/2019 16:18

He has only just woken up and is annoyed that I didn't ring more to make sure he was awake.

I think you should apologise and say you make a mistake by thinking he was a fucking grown man. Then dump him.

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