To think this isn't my fault/responsibility

[Dottyy]

I've been seeing somebody new for a few weeks which is going nicely but obviously still very early days.

We speak on the phone before work some days. I am usually up earlier than he is, and he has asked me to ring him to wake him up on a couple of occasions which has been fine and I have been happy to so. On these occasions I've heard his alarm go off so I know he has set them.

Last night we went out separately, and I went to bed without hearing from him. I woke up to a message from 2am saying "I might need waking up in the morning, I have to be up before 8" He had plans to go and see a friend in another city.

My initial reaction was 'I am not an alarm clock', but I tried ringing him once before 8 anyway. He didn't answer but I assumed he had set alarms like normal and I just got on with my morning.

He has only just woken up and is annoyed that I didn't ring more to make sure he was awake.

I really don't think it's my responsibility to ensure he wakes up after a late night. His day out with friends had absolutely nothing to do with me. Or am I being an unreasonably mean cow?

OMD get rid of this loser immediately, if not sooner.

Dump him. What a pathetic man child. There’s nothing worse.

Yep, as @Jiggles101 says it's a control thing and trying to keep tabs on you. Making sure you're not with someone else/available for him at all times etc. Huge red flag for me.

Boy, bye.

BIN HIM OFF! Controlling manchild twat. 2am message, wanting you to be his alarm clock, then getting annoyed with you. You owe him FA. At most I'd text him. 'I'm not your alarm clock. In fact, I'm not anything to you anymore because we are done. Finished. Goodbye.' Then block. But I'd just ghost him.

Good god

What an absolute toss pot he is

Either he grows a pair pronto or you need to walk very fast

Just no

You could put him right and then give him another chance if you feel this is a one off situation and the relationship is good generally.

However I agree that this is a huge red flag and you need to keep your eyes peeled for more.

Lose him as fast as you can. He is blaming you because he (a grown man) can't get out of bed in the morning. If this relationship progresses then he will transfer responsibility for everything onto you, and you will be constantly the butt of his anger.

Why did you agree to do it the first time? My automatic response to any kind of request like that would be "You must be kidding me, you're an adult sort it out yourself". Do you think you might be too much of a people pleaser? How can you even find someone attractive when they are basically a giant pre-schooler with no desire to learn self-care skills?

Thanks for you replies everybody!

Yes I am agreeing with what you have all said so far.

This has come after I told him I wasn't sure if we could continue to see each other after I found out who one of his friends is. He's friends with somebody that I know not to be a nice person, and do not want in my life. His friend is somebody that has a long standing feud with my parents, and I can imagine it causing issues further down the line if we got serious. I was considering if I could look past it but now I don't really want to.

Thank you again.

No , it isn’t your fault or responsibility!
He sounds so childish it made me laugh.
Please dump him now or you will be back on MN in a couple of years saying you can’t cope with all the childcare , all the housework and looking after an unreasonable man child

Not to do with this thread but your name has made me smile marvellousnightforamooncup, and given me an earworm.

is annoyed that I didn't ring more to make sure he was awake

He can be as annoyed as he likes. You’re not his Mum or his PA. Messaging at 2am? Massive boundary crosser.

Have a rare LTB from me.

I get up earlier than my partner, who I live with, and have done for years. I make him a cup of tea when I make tea for myself, and give him a shake when it’s almost 7am. This year I have dropped down to working four days instead of five - if he expected me to get up so I could make sure he did, I would think he was joking. He doesn’t, because he’s an adult. (Plus the cat’s a useful 6.30 alarm whether we want to get up or not.) This bloke is ridiculous, OP.

I’d never have agreed to be his alarm in the first place. Not even once. I know where that shit leads. It leads to exactly where you are now. Be smarter in future OP. Remember these signs.

glad you are dumping OP

have to say though - regardless of the backstory, anyone asking that kind of favour should be dumped - they are looking for a doormat.

Or am I being an unreasonably mean cow? - seriously? you need to ask on MN whether you are being Unreasonable NOT to want to become an alarm clock/dumping ground for his mental load?

If you really wonder whether he has a right to offload his crap onto you - then seriously get help. Get assertiveness training. Read up on twattish behaviour. Get some self-esteem, and establish boundaries. Basically, cultivate a 'Fuck Off Twat' instinct.

Is this for real?

WOW!

No, you can't possibly dump this one fast enough.

'Sorry, I don't do entitled man-children' should get the point across.

I’ll admit I once asked a couple of friends I knew would be up very early to ring me on the day of a very early flight - I did of course set the alarm, but I was so panicked about accidentally sleeping through it that I wanted back-up - it was a peace of mind thing more than anything. However, that was a one-off for very specific circumstances and, if disaster had struck and I hadn’t woken, it certainly wouldn’t have been anyone else’s fault. The idea that I’d expect people to do this on a regular basis to get me up for work is ridiculous.

If you let him make this your fault, he’ll do it with other things too. If he forgets someone’s birthday, he’ll want to know why you didn’t remind him. If he gets the wrong date for an appointment, he’ll think you should have checked too. Life’s too short to put up with that.

That's weird

Oh my goodness!!! I’m sorry but this is a dumpable offence as clearly tells you a huge amount about this man (boy)

I totally agree, ciderhouse. Dotty, you have seriously low standards here. The fact that you thought for a second, 'Am I being an unreasonable mean cow?', that you have in the past acted as his fucking alarm clock and that you got up this morning before 8 to do again after he woke you at 2am with a message is worrying.

And all you've said is that you agree he's bad news, not that you've dropped this wanker.

Please get rid and stop dating until you do some serious work on your boundaries and self-esteem.

You first response to his first request to act as your alarm clock should have been an automatic NO.

I think it's very considerate of him to let you know so early on what a complete twazzock he is.

Call him at 5am tomorrow morning and dump him...

It's so sexy when they turn into your child. Oh wait, it's not.