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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I have just been charged by the police and not know what to do next

366 replies

Worriedmummy2 · 17/03/2019 13:01

This morning I was at netball club with my young daughter when 2 police officers turned up and asked to speak to me. I was panic stricken as I thought something had happened to my husband and son.

They took me a short distance away from everyone and read me my rights. I think I went into shock at the point and have difficulty recalling what was said next.

I all revolves around an incident 2 weeks ago at the same club. The carpark is always busy as a netball and football club is on at the same time. I had trouble getting into a space and tried to edge in really slowly. I was literally going so slowly the speed wasn’t even registering. I was struggling to get in and a space opened up right behind me so I parked there instead. A man then walked up to my window and said ‘you just hit that car’. I replied that I don’t think I hit anything, I didn’t feel anything and was watching very carefully. I also have back sensors which did not go off at all. The man then got aggressive and kept stating that I hit another car. My 6 year old daughter was with me and was getting upset. I said ok I will leave a note.

I then found the only scrappy bit of paper in the car that I could and wrote my mobile on it. I waited until the man walked away as I felt unsafe then went over to the car which I presumed was the one he meant. I could see no damage and there was no damage to my car. Nevertheless I put my phone number under the wiper. I didn’t write on it ‘I got your car’ or anything as I honestly don’t believe I did.

Fast forward 2 weeks and the police turn up. They gave me a list of offences - I think there were 3 and I think one was failing to stop and failing to report an accident. They said Aggressive man told the owner of the car that I had just left a blank piece of paper on the car but that he had my details. I explained what had actually happened I think but, to be honest, I was so stressed I imagine it was pretty jumbled. I’m just in disbelief. Why on earth would anyone leave a blank piece of paper when you go there every week, someone has taken a picture of your car etc.

I even showed them texts I sent to my husband 10 minutes later about what had happened and how I had left my details. I said in the text, I don’t think I hit them but they’ll probably try to claim for everything now so that will be our insurance going up.

The police read the texts, made a note of everything I had said and said they would investigate more. Have I been charged? Do I need a solicitor? What should I do next? My anxiety is through the roof after reading those charges can mean 6 months in prison. Haven’t stopped crying all day.

OP posts:
cheeseypizza · 17/03/2019 15:18

@VladmirsPoutine but I didn't commit a hit and run. I'm worried now.

cheeseypizza · 17/03/2019 15:20

Anyway op, I hope you get it all sorted out one way or another.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/03/2019 15:22

Sounds like an insurance scam to me. There are some really horrible people out there.

NicoAndTheNiners · 17/03/2019 15:31

Years ago I scraped dh's car when reverse parking past it and never felt a thing. I was going slowly and cautiously. It was bad enough to scrape paint work but not dent it. I saw the damage to his car and went and told him someone had scraped his car. He came out and had a look and found corresponding damage to mine. So I do think it is possible to lightly scrape a car if going along it and not notice it.

But if you were reversing and have parking sensors which didn't go off it seems unlikely. You might get right up to something/touch it without feeling but your sensors would have screamed like mad.

Your problem is if you tell the police you did leave your phone number but that you're adamant you didn't hit the car they will ask why you left your number. If someone in a car park told me I'd hit a random car when there was no damage and I was sure I hadn't touched it there's no way I'd leave details on that car. Why would I if I didn't hit it? And I think that's what the police will ask you.

Jasmineallenestate · 17/03/2019 15:33

I am so so sorry OP. What a horrible experience. When I was in my 20s I was given a new red mercedes convertible by a relative and I was attacked twice by middle aged men. Not saying it is the same but I rememver the fear of being trapped in a car being abused by an angry man. I would be taking advice and looking to make merry Hell about the way the Police handled this, no paperwork etc, coming to a publ8c place. Theres some sort of corruption or mates favour going on. Do it for other women. And take the bastards tp the cleaners and buy an armoured tank. Flowers

boringlyboring · 17/03/2019 15:36

I can just imagine the judge’s face when I whipped out a Mumsnet thread

😂😂 ffs we apparently now have people fabricating their own evidence with the use of MN. Can’t believe someone has actually said the OP is using this thread as a cover. 😂😂😂😂

Icantreachthepretzels · 17/03/2019 15:37

Really don't understand people who think it's strange she got flustered and panicked when an aggressive man started berating her for no apparent reason (I mean - even if you had just witnessed a car ding another -why would you yell at them if it wasn't your car?) Of course that was a frightening situation and it's entirely reasonable that OP did not think to calmly go through all the steps of taking photos (of nothing) - because she was flustered.

Or why people are surprised that she got flustered when the police turned up, took her to one side and reeled off a list of charges. That would surely frighten anybody. And yes - worriers are gonna worry. That's part of having anxiety - thinking about the worst case scenario and stewing on it.

And as for the 'you either know you hit or you know you didn't' crowd - seriously? You don't have the nagging voice of doubt in your head that starts whispering 'well maybe you did - they said you did - why would they say you did if you didn't? Maybe you're misremembering. Maybe you're editing your memory to make yourself look better.' You can know something 100% and still not fully believe it - because your own internal monologue won't shut up trying to undermine your own certainty.

I once had a guy tell me he thought I'd scratched his car. His proof was that the front of my car was bashed in. But that was because someone had hit me - ages before - and driven off. And being a brand new driver I did not bother getting it fixed because it wasn't worth the hike to my insurance. But there was no way that the bash in my car and the scratch on his could have come from the same incident - completely different types of damage (plus the rust on my damage that indicated the age of it) . As I was telling him I hadn't done it, I heard myself saying things like 'I'm sure i didn't, I think I didn't - I don't remember hitting you.' I had to take a deep breath and actually force myself to say 'I know I have never hit you car' and shut the discussion down. Being forceful doesn't come naturally to me - and rarely goes well - it's much more natural to cushion my language in 'thinks' and 'maybes' - when what I mean is 'I am dead certain'. But sometimes that doesn't help you out any. It's a linguistic tick of the underconfident - and is clearly what the OP is doing here.

OP - this man was probably linked to the police - as they are fuck all else use in most circumstances - and this is just an example of them being thugs in uniform. Sometimes you just get a wrongun on a power trip.
obviously NAPALT

Yabbers · 17/03/2019 15:45

If the space was so tight you had to inch in so slowly, your sensors would have been going off. Most register within feet rather than inches.

choosingchilli · 17/03/2019 15:51

I understand how you feel op- I had a letter from the police a while ago saying I had been reported for being in a collision, leaving the scene of an accident, failing to report etc (can't remember the exact wording but it was 3 things) in a private car park. While I had been parked there at that time I definitely had not been in an accident, I remember where I parked and knew I had been careful and not hit anyone and there was absolutely no evidence of any damage on my car. I can only assume it's a busy car park and someone else had been involved.

Anyway I did have a bit of a melt down, but rang the collisions unit the next day, the police officer explained it was a standard letter and they have to send it when they've had a report of a collision- he told me to fill in the form explaining the above then a few weeks later I had another letter saying no further action would be taken.

It's not a pleasant experience being accused of something you haven't done and the fact the police actually turned up to see you would have made me panic too.

Just tell the truth op, I know it's a worry but I'm sure you'll be fine Thanks

Original poster
Worriedmummy2 · 17/03/2019 15:53

Ok so the police man from yesterday has just phoned. Again cue lots of tears from me but he was actually very kind. He said that he has had quite a few different stories from aggressive man - first that I left no note, then that I left a blank note and then that I left an illegible note. He also said that the owner of the car has said that there is a small scratch and a bit of paint off. So the police will be taking no more action. I cannot tell you the relief I feel.

Then the other odd bit...the policeman asked for my email address and said that he would get the owner to email me the quote for the damage and then I can decide if I want to deal with it privately or take it through insurance Confused I thought it was very frowned upon to not make it through insurance so was quite surprised a policeman would have said this.

Even though I am convinced I didn’t hit anything I am very tempted just to pay the quote to make this whole thing go away.

It’s been a bizarre experience.

OP posts:
AuntieCJ · 17/03/2019 15:53

ffs we apparently now have people fabricating their own evidence with the use of MN. Can’t believe someone has actually said the OP is using this thread as a cover.

Never underestimate the utter stupidity of a regular troll hunter on MN.

Original poster
Worriedmummy2 · 17/03/2019 15:55

Sorry, policeman from today Confused, it’s been a very long one

OP posts:
JustBeenNosey · 17/03/2019 15:57

@Worriedmummy2 if you do decide to repair the damage between yourselves, make sure you get something in writing and signed by the person who's car you're repairer to confirm, if anything should happen, or they decide to go through insurance as well or whatever, that you have written proof that you agreed between yourselves to get it sorted

Carlamity · 17/03/2019 15:57

I think it's quite normal to arrange the repair privately rather than through insurance if it's not too much. Nothing dodgy about it, good to protect no claims history if possible.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 17/03/2019 15:59

Some of you are right oddbods. I would have panicked too OP, and would assume something dodge on the part of the man

Bouldghirl · 17/03/2019 16:00

You certainly haven’t been charged. I’d go along with CallMeCarolDanvers suggestion. Don’t panic! It will sort itself out.

PhalangeReginaPhalange · 17/03/2019 16:00

That’s a relief. Sound like AM is an arsehole with too much time on his hands.

Sounds like a really stressful ordeal to be honest sorry you’ve had grief on here too x

Original poster
Worriedmummy2 · 17/03/2019 16:00

Ok thank you, so I just draft a letter saying what we agreed and then post it to him to sign and return? Or would an email trail suffice?

OP posts:
adaline · 17/03/2019 16:01

I thought it was very frowned upon to not make it through insurance so was quite surprised a policeman would have said this.

Nothing wrong with sorting it privately.

boringlyboring · 17/03/2019 16:01

Oh dear OP bad timing to make a mistake with the days. I can hear the pitchforks being picked up I type..

Did you give your email address? Will you go through insurance? I wonder if the owner of the car is just taking a shot now and trying to get an old scratch sorted.

DarlingNikita · 17/03/2019 16:03

Oh, that's good news, OP.

I'm still a bit Confused as to where the aggressive man fits in with the car owner (mates, I guess?) but I suppose that doesn't matter much.

I'm also still sceptical as to whether you hit the car at all. You seemed very sure you didn't. Maybe they can send you a picture of the damage, although I guess there's nothing to stop them claiming that new damage was actually caused by you.

Original poster
Worriedmummy2 · 17/03/2019 16:03

I gave the email address to the policeman. Just waiting to get the email next.

OP posts:
JustBeenNosey · 17/03/2019 16:03

@Worriedmummy2 Urm, I guess an email would be okay!

I've worked in insurance before and sometimes hear some stories where it has been sorted between themselves but has backfired.

Just to cover your own back and in case angry man has been in touch with the person who's car you supposedly damaged, you don't want him pecking at their head

PhalangeReginaPhalange · 17/03/2019 16:05

@pinkgloves completely agree I’m sick and tired of it and feel sorry for the ops it affects. It makes me not want to post and sometimes can’t even be arsed going on MN anymore because you just know THs are going to pull it apart for unnecessarily.

Sorry for the rant.

Bouldghirl · 17/03/2019 16:05

Sorry just seen your earlier post that the Police have now been in touch. I agree that it a little unusual for them to suggest you don’t go through insurance. However there is no doubt that if you do it will affect your NCB. If the cost of repairs are acceptable then it may be better to go down that road but do ensure that your action is in full and final settlement. Yes! Do get them to sign an agreement to that effect.