Please help me plan my wedding.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I haven't been married in ages and thought it high time i trotted down the aisle again.

I don't have anyone in mind but I do have a dress I can reuse.

I was thinking that it should be a 2 week activity based wedding abroad, possibly New Zealand.

Also, I'd like to have 12 bridesmaids even though i don't have 12 friends.

For the wedding favours I'm a bit conflicted, do we go with the sugared almonds? What about flapjacks for a tasty surprise?

Obviously there'll be a photo booth with lots of dressing up gear.

Oh Thigh....
Of course I'll be your Matronly Maid of honour....

You should have just asked

Shouldn’t it be in Maui?

And a sweetie stall, with striped paper bags. You'll obviously need exclusive use of the venue and charge your guests 11ty billion pounds to stay for 1 night. And please don't spend time mixing with your guests. There'll be photos to be taken dontcha know.

Martha i was feeling shy and hoping you'd offer. I haven't decided on the bm dresses, tropical lime green?

Make sure it’s child free. People always live that.

And ask for money not presents, preferably with a poem,

I think you do a vegan buffet for the wedding breakfast and a hogroast for the evening - that should keep everyone happy.

I think this could work

Although a little understated
🤔

Remember to see a lawyer to draw up contracts for your 12 bridesmaids. Remember to include the 'no putting on any weight' clause.

Do a poem

Let's start it off....

"We respectfully request ones presence to our forthcoming Nupts"

I was thinking of stipulating that my BMs have to put on weight.

Also I have fattened up a great deal since wearing my wedding dress with mutton chop sleeves.

What should I do? Would it look sexy if i put slits down the sides to release some fat?

Your presence is our present
But if you really want to give
Make it cash, and lots of it
Or I'll shank you with a shiv

I think I'll have a petting zoo plus some giraffes, for a laugh.

So i can say to people "you having a giraffe, know what I mean eh?"

You are on currently on the guest list

Tis' truly a massive perk

It's 100 dollars entrance fee

Or I'll stiletto you mid twerk....

I'm getting pop up ads for 'the unique bride'.

Make sure there is a good distance between your ceremony and reception. Clear lines between serious and fun.

Have your to be discovered groom sing the mm mm mm mm not too old for sex song from Mama Mia.

Martha you're so good, even Sylvia Plath would find that cheery.

I do like the idea of a sweetie stall, and a chocolate fountain.

I think I'll have a cheese fountain too, and a marshmallow one.

In fact the entire menu will consist of fountains.

Oh good

Top table for me then Thigh

No sprig with paper cloth

Rosemary yes i like that idea. Do you know, i don't think I've ever been seranaded and it's the type of thing I'd enjoy.

I think it would please me if we sang a duet "A whole new world" bagsy being Peabo Bryson.

I'm not sure about top tables, i thought we'd all sit cross legged on the floor when not lapping from food fountains.

Ask your MIL to wear her wedding dress too.

Don't make it all about yourself

Belle of course! What a lovely idea, perhaps everybody should wear their wedding dress? Those who have more than one should wear them one over the other.

But perhaps I hate my MiL - it's quite like me, i probably will.

Those with two could join them together to fit their middle aged spread in?

Edgy, yet practical

Belle interesting, i have a lovely white one with mutton chop sleeves and my later one was a very nice pink dress and jacket.

If i sew them together and add some parachute silk they should fit and be unique.

Would it be cheeky to ask people to bring their own personal pork chops to pop under the gravy fountain. Surely they'd appreciate a barber shop quartet more than adequate food.

I think that would be rude.

You need to supply a pork chop fountain or you are a CF