DH told to "sort me out"

[feelslikeadream]

NC for this because I don't want to be outed here. Brief background - DH and his friend (let's call him A) were discussing me and someone else (B) not getting on. I explained to both I didn't want to have anything to do with B right now (B has openly bitched about me even though they've never spoken to me). Both A and B know I have a lot going on, and so apparently understood my reasoning for not wanting to get involved yet. Anyway, long story short, B messages me because of A speaking to her about it (they're dating) and I explained I wasn't comfortable with it.

A then told DH to sort me out. I don't want to say what DH responded yet because I don't know if IBU.

What would you expect your DH to do if someone had told him to sort you out?

(Also I have no posts under this name but I'm on here all the time. F the Daily Mail for anyone that thinks I'm trolling)

You DH needs to go back to his mate and say:

"Right. I've spoken to feelslike and there's no communication issue or misunderstanding. She has made her decision that she would prefer not to get involved with B so that's the end of the matter."

He can then arrange to see his mate on his own.

Antonio and Brenda can eff orf.
Sexist towards you and patronising towards your DH.
Who does he think he is, the head of a crime family?
I bet DH was not expecting Antonio to say that and was probably taken aback, however, now that you have ahem "appraised" him of your feelings on the matter, he will have time to think up a suitable reply.

All I would say is neither you or your husband should get involved in gossip and tittle tattle against each other. If the person getting the involved in the gossip doesn't put a stop to the conversation, you are on a slippery slope.

He should have told his mate (his non-mate) he didn't want to talk about it. I wouldn't want to listen to anyone criticising my wife.

I've just mentioned this to DH.

I fear my prediction about laughing not stopping may have come true...

Good luck OP. Tell your DH that you can lend him a pair if he needs

Someone once told DP to "get me in line" and his response was to laugh in his face and say that I'm perfectly capable of being an adult without needing a man to show me how!

So … your husband's friend is going out with someone who you've never spoken to but you know has been openly bitchy about you? And this friend has told your husband to sort you out?

I can see why your husband may have responded to him by saying he'd speak to you as he's just wanting a quiet life and presumably still wants to stay friends. But he really needs to be in your corner on this one and be a bit more assertive. To start, with the idea that it's up to him to "sort you out" is old fashioned and has no place in the 21st century. He needs to tell his friend that you don't need to be sorted out, that he's happy with you the way you are and that if said friend doesn't like it then tough.
I would also be tempted to have nothing to do with this friend, tell husband you don't want him in the house and that you won't go out anywhere if he's going to be there .

I don’t get this. This woman is not a friend, you barely know her and dh friend sounds like a twat. Why do you have to engage with these people at all? Just ignore and block. They don’t sound worth your time.

Okay. Did DH say that he would pass on friends concerns, and he was sure you would sort it out your own way?

Your dh should go back to his friend and say he’s spoken to you and he thinks A needs to sort B our because she’s the one causing all the problems. Then when his friend has stopped ranting he should explain its not 1950.

I mentioned this to DH and asked him what his response would be . Apparently it would be “ No thanks , I haven’t got a death wish “

Mine would have asked for enough time to muster an army together.

DH if told to sort me out would just laugh and ask exactly how he is expected to do that as he has been trying to sort me out for years.

I asked DP how he'd respond and he said: "I'd say what the fuck do you mean 'sort her out', your DP has the issue and it's nothing to do with my DP, we'd obviously both not want to be friends with her". But as others have said, fuck off is an appropriate response. As two women you can choose not to be friends with her, end of stick to your guns and have a serious talk with your DH..

To be quite honest I'd text the friend in question to let him know you're not able to be 'sorted out' because you're a fully grown adult who can form her own opinions and unfortunately due to his DPs stinking personality you won't be her friend and frankly he wants to look at himself, make some adjustments and maybe his relationship won't be such a shit show then tell him to eat shit and fuck off

“Respect yourself and don’t even attempt thinking I would side against my wife.”

But that’s only if the girl bitching was indeed bad and you were completely innocent.

IF you were in the wrong, I wouldn’t tell u that my friend told me to sorr you our because he would’ve said it out of anger and it’s obviouslt inappropriate

WTF?
I’ve just asked my DP what he’d do in this scenario. He said that after he’d picked himself up off the floor from laughing, he’d tell his mate :-

1. I like my face like it is.
2. If you ever talk about my missus like that again, the person that’ll get sorted is you.
3. Fuck off you total c**t.

What would you expect your DH to do if someone had told him to sort you out?

I would expect my DH to laugh histerically and say "She's chop my balls off and hang them around my neck if I try. And she's an adult with her own mind, so I won't try to 'sort her out'."

Obviously telling a bloke he has to "sort out" his wife/partner is sexist crap... not sure why this is even worthy of debate.

But I'm also really bemused as to why a woman you've never met or spoken to is sufficiently exercised by and unpleasant about you that its come to this. And is texting you! Either she's got far too much time on her hands or is unhinged or there's a significant back story.

And if you won't tell us the back story its hard to know, really.

Still don't understand the context and context does matter. What does DH's friend and his partner want from you?

I can imagine a situation where there is a disagreement between say my friend's DH and me or my partner and me and my partner have reached out to sort out the problem but were met with hostility or no reciprocation, I'd throw my hands in the air and say "I give up, sort out your DH". I would say it in the context that I've had enough, it's no longer my problem, don't tell me anymore to make an effort, it's your DH, so sort them out stop trying to push this on to me anymore.

Context does matter.

I won't mention the back story, but she has a need to be "popular" and liked by everyone, hence playing Mrs Innocent. Still of a childish mentality and thinks that's how the world works.

Spoken to DH and he 100% understands why I want to thing to do with either of them, and he's going to speak to his friend about not wanting to be involved with either of them - and he explained his response before was because he didn't want to be involved or cause unnecessary drama when he can't be bothered anymore than me. Glad to know he has my back and will be telling this friend straight how it is. He also laughed and said he can't believe someone thought that he'd be able to sort me out 😂 glad he understands this too

I've not texted that woman back - just ignoring. As for DHs friend... may/may not have mentioned I knew what he said and then called him a prick and then blocked. Don't have time for people like this, but Thankyou all!!!

Just asked and mine would tell them to F off, no matter who they were.

The whole situation is bizarre. Why is the partner of your DH's friend so exercised over what you are doing or not doing? Why is she texting you?

My husbands response would be

"She will sort you out if I repeat what you said to her"

She wants to be popular and wants to be Mrs Innocent? Innocent about what? So something has happened between you and her?

Anyway, it all sounds childish.

Husband would have said only person I would listen to was my grandad who died in 2013 x

I still don't understand what's going on? Some people are bitching and rowing and you dont want to get involved? So, don't? Really rather confusing.