DH told to "sort me out"

[feelslikeadream]

NC for this because I don't want to be outed here. Brief background - DH and his friend (let's call him A) were discussing me and someone else (B) not getting on. I explained to both I didn't want to have anything to do with B right now (B has openly bitched about me even though they've never spoken to me). Both A and B know I have a lot going on, and so apparently understood my reasoning for not wanting to get involved yet. Anyway, long story short, B messages me because of A speaking to her about it (they're dating) and I explained I wasn't comfortable with it.

A then told DH to sort me out. I don't want to say what DH responded yet because I don't know if IBU.

What would you expect your DH to do if someone had told him to sort you out?

(Also I have no posts under this name but I'm on here all the time. F the Daily Mail for anyone that thinks I'm trolling)

This. Exactly this.

laughed in his face and tell him if he takes that attitude towards his own partner maybe that's why they're having relationship issues

Why does A care if you are friends with B?

I agree that your husband said the wrong thing.

He wasn't asked to "speak to you" but to tell you that you should do what A&B want.

The answer to that is obviously no!

@diddl explained in the OP - A and B are dating.

Looks like I have to have a long chat with DH. He always sees the best in people but I've had enough of him being too nice and forgiving

I had this conversation with an 8 year old yesterday. He wanted to play with a certain child but that child didn't want to play what he wanted to play. 8 year old got upset so I had to gently point out that the other child was allowed to make his own decisions about what he wanted to play and who with and that I was not going to make a child play a game they didn't want to. I suggested alternative games and they eventually sorted themselves out amicably.

Is A 8?

I hope your DH told A what to do with his suggestion! If one of my DH's friends had said that about me and my DH hadn't firmly put them in their place, I think it would cause a real problem in our marriage.

B is not your problem. Why are A & B so keen to drag you into something that has othing to do with you? And more to the point, why is your DH not shutting down A completely if he knows that B has bitched about you? Why hasn't he said to A 'Feels wants nothing to do with B or any of the drama you and she are involved in and I totally support her in that, so lets change the subject'? I cannot imagine my DH wanting to have any involvement with someone who had said nasty things about me, even if his friend was dating them.

Not exactly the same words but someone told EXH to control your wife. EXH has never once managed to control me. Because of his failure to deal with that other person is one of the reasons he became EXH.

If I had not been brought up to respect people I would have given the person who said that a lesson in control.
We are people with our own minds and there is no call for anyone to sort her outor control me

WTAF?

So if I understand it correctly, it’s your DH’s friend and his gf has some kind of problem with you?

No he should have said that to his friend that he’d be doing no such thing, that he’s not your boss and that they can keep their crap to themselves and to fuck right off and leave you alone.

Maybe in slightly less confrontational terms, but not by much!

@YouTheCat 😂 A sounds like your child's friend. Unfortunately nowhere near 8 though. Stick a few decades on

Yes I know they are dating, but even so, A must surely be burning their ear off to go as far as they (wrongly) did.

I had no idea that couples got so involved in their OHs friendships.

@diddl neither did I. I don't see why I have to be involved in all of this!

@StillMe1 DH definitely doesn't control me at all and would never try to "sort me out" - I think I'm definitely the more firm in our marriage and I would've had zero problems at all in telling his friend where to go!!

@Ninkaninus I think how you've said it is exactly right!!

I'd say to A and B

1. Are you living in a Martina Cole novel?

2. Actually I don't care now fuck off.

"DH just said that it was a bit forward but he'd speak to me - I think that's completely unacceptable but he thinks it's the right way of showing his friend he can't say things like that? "

What? On being told to 'sort you out' your husband said to this tosser that he would 'speak to you'? What did he mean by that, and what did TosserA think he meant - did he think your husband had agreed to 'sort you out'? And in what way does this show TosserA that he can't say things like that, because I'm not seeing that at all. I'm seeing your husband being a cowardly arse-licker.

My husband would have taken the piss out of any friend of his who was stupid enough to suggest he 'sort me out' - and then dropped the acquaintance.

There's a saying, “a man is known by the company he keeps”. It's a bit 'birds of a feather stick together'. Your husband keeps company with tossers. I'd be questioning if that's because he is one.

DH would probably have replied ha ha ha ha ha in the 1st instance followed by fuck off until you grow up.

@WhereYouLeftIt I think that's fair - nothing I've not said to DH already. DH thought he was making it clear when he said it was a bit forward I think you're right. I think he's too scared to say what he actually thinks - and he's going to have to rethink that attitude pretty clearly before the respect I have for him is gone. Oh and they are tossers.

Don’t understand why you are involved in a spat with a woman you have never met or spoken to. Don’t understand why she is texting you. Don’t understand why you haven’t met. Don’t understand why this spat even exists. Did A dump your bezzie to be with B or something?
It’s all very yr7.
The ‘sort your wife out’ thing is a red herring. The real issue is why you are involved in a spat with a woman you don’t know. And as that’s a secret, it’s not really possible to figure out whether you are justified in the spat, or whether A and B are similarly mystified as to why you are waging a vendetta against a woman you’ve never met... hence the ‘wtf is wrong with your wife?’ conversation.

The OP is confusing but it's never up to a DH (or DW) to 'sort out' their DH/DW.

A sounds like a misogynistic twat. Your DH sounds like a bit of a wimp who is scared to upset A. That’s all I can surmise on not much info.

You have my sympathies, feelslikeadream. It's grim if you can't respect your spouse.

Mamaryllis
I don't think the OP is involved in a spat as such. It seems more that B has formed an opinion of OP, has been bitching about OP behind her back, and B has texted OP, while OP is just not wanting to get involved.

OP, your DH is either a coward or a tosser himself. The correct answer to A's text was that your DH doesn't control you, and you do as you wish.

My DH, if someone told him to "sort me out", would first of all look incredulously confused and then burst out laughing. There's a chance he might not stop.

ABCDEFG, won't you just block both these idiots? If your DH doesn't block them both too, text a pal to "sort him out".

Realistically telling A what you did you knew he'd repeat it to B so you can't really think that wouldn't get back to her. The rest your DH absolutely did not have your back.

Chances are my Dh would have laughed and told them "Good luck with that one"
Your Dh needs to tell his friend (I forget which it is, A or B) to stay out of my marriage. Feelslike has her own mind and doesn't need sorting by you, me or anyone else.

I'd say to my DH to tell A to eff off and mind his own business.

Someone said something very similar to my DH about me at one point and DH and him are no longer friends. There were other issues going on between the two of them that had nothing to do with me, but it was certainly the final nail in the coffin of their friendship. I would certainly expect my partner to say the comment is unreasonable and to talk to me themselves if they had a problem though