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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu with shop assistants comment 'wrecking the place'

614 replies

Harmonyrays · 16/03/2019 10:59

Browsing in a large charity shop wuth a toddler pottering about. In the childs section, i was looking at books while she was looking at toys getting things out admittedlt leaving 3 or 4 on the floor. I was just turning aeound to pick them hp when an assistant came over and said 'could you please not let your child wreck the place'.

Thoughts please as im annoyed at the comment as shes a very yound child who was doing what kids do, i was close by ready to put things away and was going to help the charity by buying several items.

OP posts:
Siameasy · 16/03/2019 13:58

People here are insane
Toddlers leashed to parents
Not allowed out of buggies
Not allowed to touch anything in a shop
😂😂 bollocks. No one in real life is this extreme. Key board warriors out today!

There is a middle ground. No I wouldn’t let my DC grab an ornament but nor would I hold them to standards adults aren’t remotely held to.

Op I think just enforce the “one at a time, put one back get one out” type thing. Obv your DC is quite young but it’s fine to play with toys in a shop - unless all the weird scolding people here never touch anything in a shop themselves. Which of course is a load of rubbish.

My DD plays with toys in any shop and looks at books too. So what? She was told off in a CS for trying on shoes🙄. Now we buy stuff from there for her dressing up box so why not? If I tried them on no one would say a word.

Tbh some of the people employed by CSes have special needs and may struggle with social skills which was the case with the woman who told my DD off so I just ignored it.

1forAll74 · 16/03/2019 13:59

Although small children should be supervised in shops, I do think the assistant was a bit hasty and rude. I go into charity shops quite a lot, and the toy sections are usually stacked,some times haphazardly on the shelves, and then some larger toys around the floor area, which children will obviously make for, to have a play with. I have never seen this frowned on by any staff member, it usually keeps small children occupied and quieter.
I

llangennith · 16/03/2019 14:05

So daughter is 1, doesnt really understand the etiquette of good behaviour in shops

Your DD may not be old enough to understand but you certainly are. The shop worker's remark was addressed to you, not your DD. You don't let your child roam unchecked in a shop.if she's only 1yo she should've been secured safely in a buggy.

OneStepSideways · 16/03/2019 14:06

Those of you who let your kids "play" in shops are a fucking nightmare and made my job a lot harder.

Have you considered you might lose a lot of sales if you have a strict 'no playing' attitude? Lots of charity shop customers are mothers with young children. Letting the toddler rummage through a box of old toys (which are usually grubby and worn anyway) enables mothers to browse longer and buy more. Toys are often placed at floor level which seems like an invitation to play.

I've experienced nothing but smiles and kind words from charity shop staff, all the ones near me are very welcoming to children. If they weren't I suspect they wouldn't sell much!

motheroftinydragons · 16/03/2019 14:07

YABU. I do not allow my three year old to touch things in shops unless we've paid.

As my mother always said 'you look with your eyes, not with your hands!'

PCohle · 16/03/2019 14:20

Isn't leaving a 1 year old unsupervised to rummage through unknown, opened toys a bit dangerous though? She could well have found some tiny Lego aimed at older kids and choked whilst OP was happily browsing books.

But keeping a proper eye on children is "controlling" and "stifling" apparently.

cloudcloud · 16/03/2019 14:21

Shopping with a child is really difficult. She could have been more understanding

SleepingSloth · 16/03/2019 14:28

YANBU.

Shop assistant sounds very over the top. I think it's fine for kids to play with a few toys as long as they get put back before you leave. Some of the reactions on here sound crazy to me.

BlueMerchant · 16/03/2019 14:36

I've had the same.
Left my two DC at the toys section while browsing the books. I was turned to face my DC who were picking soft toys out of a huge tub to see what others were in. They were doing nothing wrong. Next thing I know a red-faced woman went running over to DC and shouted "don't touch them. Somebody might want to buy them! I was astounded. Went over and stated that the children were just having a look to see if there was anything they liked and were potential customer too but due to her attitude we'd be complaining about her to management ( and she could keep the sh**e)

sausageandrashers · 16/03/2019 14:37

I'm with you here OP, I let my kids have a look at the toys in all shops which often involves taking them off the shelves and having a look/wee play with them. I stay close enough to make sure they are being gentle and not chucking them about. think the shop assistant was a bit over the top, maybe she'd recently had to tidy up after another kid and was a bit grumpy at you because of it. provided you were definitely going to put them back and we're close enough to stop child getting carried away then I don't see any issue with what you did. Smile

FlagranceDirect · 16/03/2019 14:38

Letting the toddler rummage through a box of old toys (which are usually grubby and worn anyway) enables mothers to browse longer and buy more

My shop doesn't do this because we don't have the room and don't provide a creche. We have other customers who don't want to be tripping over toddlers and toys. Who's supervising the child while the parent is browsing anyway?

I doubt there would be much extra in the way of sales, and the disruption and extra tidying work wouldn't be worth it anyway.
I know I sound curmudgeonly, but I've volunteered in a charity shop for 10+ years, week in week out, and I know what works.
Unsupervised toddlers are off-putting to other customers, and annoying for the staff. Not children per se, of course.
Just the unruly unsupervised ones.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 16/03/2019 14:45

@OneStepSideways, I was thinking more of my customers at work rather than at the charity shop. And I was thinking of people who let their kids mess up displays, fiddle with mannis etc. I do see your point, but if your dc upends a toybox in the charity shop and no one has the chance to fix it for awhile, you'll also lose me sales because people don't want to look through the mess. I might have smiled politely at your kid upending a bag of hot wheels cars, but I would have been inwardly annoyed if you didn't pick them up again. It's a sign that you aren't considerate that someone else might want to use that space or buy those items, whether a staffer is there or not. See also people who leave things on the floor in crumpled heaps in fitting rooms. I can pick up an item, turn it the right way round, steam it and defluff it. I can't get out the filthy marks you made or the really deep creases someone leaves on an item by treating it in such a way.

In non-charity setting, the sort of customer that lets their DC test the fabric of the building by "playing" in the first place would ignore a no playing rule anyway. I'm not talking about DC who may be touch something with an interesting texture or take teddy and maybe sit him on a display table whilst a parent keeps a good eye on them, I mean the ones that are allowed to really eun riot because their parents are too busy looking at stock. And from personal experience, if that rule saw off the demanding, entitled rude bitch who spent a fair amount but was exceptionally rude to my staff, chucked clothes about and ignored her DC so that they were free to "play" with displays, attack fixtures and ride their scooters behind my till, we'd not have missed her or her failure to understand how to use "please" and "thank you".

Vulpine · 16/03/2019 14:47

What an unpleasant and grumpy shop assistant. She may have made a sale if she hadn't been so intolerant.

VelvetPineapple · 16/03/2019 14:58

I read as far as page 4 before realising that OP doesn’t want genuine answers, she just wants to be told her behaviour is acceptable and the sales assistant was wrong. Four pages of replies saying YABU and OP only responds to the one or two people who said YANBU. Seriously, why bother even posting?

VelvetPineapple · 16/03/2019 15:00

How do you know even if you should buy a toy without letting a child handle it
I suppose you expect Argos to get all the toys out for your DC to have a go with before you decide whether to buy any? What a ridiculous post. That’s not how shops work Hmm

Ariela · 16/03/2019 15:00

YABU, you were in a shop, children should not be allowed to take stuff off shelves/touch stuff.

AuntieCJ · 16/03/2019 15:02

YABU and very rude. Just control your child FFS.

AfterSchoolWorry · 16/03/2019 15:04

Yabvu

She should have been strapped into the buggy with a packet of crisps and a tablet. What were you thinking OP!! 😜😜😜

Poloshot · 16/03/2019 15:13

Control your child then

havingtochangeusernameagain · 16/03/2019 15:14

nor would I hold them to standards adults aren’t remotely held to

I would hope that adults didn't take everything off the shelves and then expect the sales assistant to put them all back. Ok not the kids putting the items back but not many parents do, because after all they're only sales assistants...and lets face it, in charity shops they are almost certainly volunteers, too.

No you don't let kids play with things in shops unless there is an area to do so, which most larger toy shops do have. Charity shops are not toy shops. And their staff are not slaves.

Siameasy · 16/03/2019 15:21

People are suggesting children must not touch anything in shops havingtochangeusernameagain. No one is saying to encourage a child to take “everything off the shelves and then expect the sales asst to put them all back”. Can people here even read?!?
I despair of people - why is everything so black and white.

greenpop21 · 16/03/2019 15:23

Toddlers leashed to parents
Not allowed out of buggies
Not allowed to touch anything in a shop
😂😂 bollocks

Your 3rd comment is correct , the first 2 are crazy. There is a time and a place to be handheld or in a buggy, in a shop with lots of things that can be broken is one of them. For the child's safety too.

greenpop21 · 16/03/2019 15:25

She should have been strapped into the buggy with a packet of crisps and a tablet. What were you thinking OP!! 😜😜😜

How about, sitting comfortably and safely in her buggy with a picture book? Doesn't have the same Daily Fail punch does it After

Original poster
Harmonyrays · 16/03/2019 15:32

Sorry if it riles some of you that im not agreeing with you that i was BU but as you probably gathered i dont see anything wrong with letting a child handle toys even if, God forbid, they get dropped for a few seconds.

OP posts:
greenpop21 · 16/03/2019 15:35

Well Op , you came on to ask and you got your answer. If you are confident in your actions, why bother?