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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu with shop assistants comment 'wrecking the place'

614 replies

Harmonyrays · 16/03/2019 10:59

Browsing in a large charity shop wuth a toddler pottering about. In the childs section, i was looking at books while she was looking at toys getting things out admittedlt leaving 3 or 4 on the floor. I was just turning aeound to pick them hp when an assistant came over and said 'could you please not let your child wreck the place'.

Thoughts please as im annoyed at the comment as shes a very yound child who was doing what kids do, i was close by ready to put things away and was going to help the charity by buying several items.

OP posts:
allypally999 · 16/03/2019 12:57

Goodness tough crowd! I have worked in a charity shop (volunteer) and I would have been much nicer and probably just tidied up when you left. Yes its your responsibility but doesn't sound like she did any damage so both sides are wrong really (in my humble opinion lol)

Peachbubble · 16/03/2019 13:02

I agree with the majority - it's not a creche, it's a display, she shouldn't have been playing with it.

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/03/2019 13:04

And OP clearly said she was picking them up. Jeez.

She didn’t actually. She said she was just turning around to pick them up which is somewhat different as not necessarily apparent to the shop worker. Doesn’t alter the fact that she should have intervened after the first toy hit the floor.

GottaGoGottaGo · 16/03/2019 13:05

And if your 1 year old had pulled something heavy off the shelf instead of a stuffed toy and hurt themselves, you'd have been on here with an entirely different AIBU about whether to sue the charity shop.

YABU

Look with your eyes, not with your fingers...
And if they are too young to understand that, then you should be supervising them 100%, not looking at books!

LemonScentedStickyBat · 16/03/2019 13:07

I wouldn’t have been bothered at all by this but then the shop I work in is small and quickly and easily tidied. However I am very bothered by the amount of times a toddler has filled their nappy and their parent has noticed but carried on browsing, trying on clothes etc while the smell slowly fills the shop. Vile people.

LettuceP · 16/03/2019 13:08

So daughter is 1, doesnt really understand the etiquette of good behaviour in shops of course not, but she's certainly not to young to learn. And it's your job to teach her!

From your OP I expected your DD to be 3, maybe 2. Who on earth let's a 1 year old have free rein in a shop? That's just asking for trouble.

UnspiritualHome · 16/03/2019 13:08

I agree its not a playground but in charity shops the toys are all opened and 'ready' to play with hence it makes it more difficult to prevent them from going at them

Difficult but not impossible. How hard can it be to keep a one year old strapped into a pushchair?

AleFailTrail · 16/03/2019 13:09

I was wondering if she was a volunteer, so less customer service training than employees.
YABU though.
I’m sure as a child I was taught from year 0 ‘look but don’t touch until I say you can’. So I looked at toys but didn’t pull them off the shelf. If I did I was stopped immediately...but then as a toddler I was leashes to my parents and never left their side if they were looking at something.

InionEile · 16/03/2019 13:09

Part of the deal when you work in retail is tidying up after customers when they pick items up, try them on or whatever. She wouldn’t have spoken to an adult the way she spoke about your child, would she? In retail, it’s part of the job to be polite even if the customer is not - and you weren’t even letting your kid ‘wreck the place’ anyway.

I’ve worked in retail myself and it is annoying when people come in and pick stuff up and don’t buy anything but she had no idea if you were planning to buy the toys or not so she was rude. By saying that to you, she pretty much guaranteed that you wouldn’t buy anything too so not only was she rude but she is also shit at her job, which presumably is to try and generate revenue for the charity.

So YANBU. Find a better place to spend your money!

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/03/2019 13:16

I wouldn't pay much attention to the shop assistant she's probably just a volunteer.

HardofCleaning. Lovely shitty attitude you have there. That ‘just a volunteer’, if that’s what she was, is giving her time freely to support a worthy cause. In your eyes that obviously means she should be servile and pick up after others as that’s her place. Not just HardofCleaning it would appear.

81Byerley · 16/03/2019 13:18

I think the assistant could have been a little more polite, but she was right. When I was younger, with four children of my own, plus foster children and childminded children, I used to say to them "Have you got the money to pay for that? No? Well don't touch then!" Obviously when they were very little like your child, I would have hold of their hand, or have them in a buggy. There's a health and safety issue as well, which I'm more aware of now that I'm older. Toys on the floor are a trip hazard. Charity shops often have very elderly customers, and a fall for them could be disastrous.

UnspiritualHome · 16/03/2019 13:19

@InionElle, the likelihood is that this assistant was a volunteer. The value of her work to the charity will be a hell of a lot more than whatever OP might have spent in there.

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/03/2019 13:20

I love these threads. Nothing causes so much heat as an innocent toddler playing with a few toys.

It isn’t the toddler that’s the problem. As always it’s the entitled parent.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 16/03/2019 13:22

I've been in charge of the toy section in a charity shop. I wouldn't have been as rude to you as the lady you encountered OP (I do think she was too rude), but those items are stock and not there to amuse your dc whilst you browse. They may be pre loved, but if they are going to be taken home and loved by someone else, they need to be in a saleable condition, not messed about with and dumped on the floor. I'm not saying that DC shouldn't be allowed to look at or touch toys they want to buy, but playing the way they would with their toybox at home is not on. Yes, shop staff "tidy up" but people abuse this.

I've also worked and been a manager in commercial retail. Those of you who let your kids "play" in shops are a fucking nightmare and made my job a lot harder.

SileneOliveira · 16/03/2019 13:25

The value of her work to the charity will be a hell of a lot more than whatever OP might have spent in there.

Someone in the head office of the charity I volunteer for worked out that for every hour a volunteer gives, they contribute £15 to the cause. So on a standard 4 hour shift, £60.

perfectstorm · 16/03/2019 13:25

Sorry, but the person being rude is you. It's your job to stop your toddler doing this in shops. I get so fed up watching kids fiddle with stock while their parents ignore it/them. No, it's not as easy as letting them, but how do they learn, otherwise? We have a stock phrase for my kids in shops: what do we look with? Our eyes. What do we not look with? Our fingers.

Would you want to buy something after a bunch of kids have played with it in the shop? Charity shops check stock before setting it out, but not after - and why should they have to clear up after your child, either?

And they're not paid. They're donating their time to the charity. They're not there to clean up after you.

FlagranceDirect · 16/03/2019 13:26

She’s probably fed up of mothers allowing their kids to grab things and drop them

That's what makes the volunteers grumpy. They're not all child hating monsters. Once or twice a day having an unsupervised toddler barging around the shop and leaving toys all over the floor would be mildly irritating. It's the constant stream of them, sometimes in multiples when mums come out browsing together in groups and there are numerous uncontrolled toddlers pulling stuff off shelves, that drives us to become old grumps.

Of course there are plenty of parents as well, who engage with their children whilst they're in the shop, looking at toys and maintaining communication with them at the child's level. Teaching what they can touch and what they mustn't. It's a pleasure to see this, but they are in the minority.

kaytee87 · 16/03/2019 13:28

Yabu. Of course your child doesn't know to do it which is why you stop her.

starfishmummy · 16/03/2019 13:32

Just because the toys are not boxed does not mean they are there to be played with especially on the floor! And no I don't work in any sort if shop, I'm a customer and a Mum to a child who was taught to behave

turnaroundbrighteyes · 16/03/2019 13:34

Really glad a no longer work in retail. Don't understand why anyone wouldn't see why putting a teddy on a filthy floor would be totally unreasonable. Yes, I'd smile and say no worries, but inside I'd be seething and hoping it wouldn't be yet another item now only fit for the reduced section or the bin. Even in charity shops the majority are spotlessly cleaned before going on sale. And, no, in my experience most of the families who let their kids do this don't make sure their kids have clean hands or won't put the stock in their mouths or leave cheese straws and chocolate all over the floor and stock - bleurgh.

What happened to don't touch unless your expecting to buy it? Or at least ask first.

MaryBoBary · 16/03/2019 13:34

You are right - 1 year olds don’t understand correct behaviour in shops. That’s why as their parent you should be teaching them. I can’t fathom why you would let a 1 year old wander round a shop unattended. Either have them in a pushchair, hold their hand or have them on straps. You seem to think it’s ok because it was a charity shop. It’s not ok. And your daughter doesn’t know the difference between a charity shop or any other shop. My son is taught never to touch anything in a shop unless he has asked me and I’ve said we can buy it. Poor shop assistants have enough to do without tidying up after your child - and in a charity shop they are very likely not even being paid.

ginghamtablecloths · 16/03/2019 13:35

She wasn't to know that you were going to pick up after your child as she's not psychic. Plenty don't bother.

Maybe she could have phrased it better but for all you know she might have just picked up after the last child and was going to have to start all over again. Maybe she was more than a bit fed up that day.

InionEile · 16/03/2019 13:36

@UnspiritualHome - doesn’t matter. Her job is still to generate revenue for the charity and make it easy for people browsing to buy things. Just because she is a volunteer, it doesn’t mean she gets to ignore customer service standards. I didn’t get much training when I worked in retail part-time as a college student but I still knew not to be rude to customers.

FlagranceDirect · 16/03/2019 13:54

I didn’t get much training when I worked in retail part-time as a college student but I still knew not to be rude to customers

She wasn't rude. She said PLEASE don't let your child wreck the place.

OneStepSideways · 16/03/2019 13:57

What a grumpy assistant! I always let mine play with the toys in charity shops, I see lots of people doing it. Shop assistants often encourage it, playing with the children and getting different toys down for them (probably to encourage you to buy!) I always put things back.

It's different to a shop where things arw organised into brands, ages. More like a jumble sale, you're expected to rummage through to find what you're looking for.

I would have challenged her 'she's not wrecking anything, she's just having a look' then left.