coffeeismyspinach I am truly sorry for your loss. It is a really emotive subject and I struggle to put my own emotions to one side.
What I really really can’t understand is the people who are opting out to stop the ‘state’ getting their organs. It is dying people who won’t get the organs, not the government.
I do not understand it myself, TiredSloth, I am regular blood donor, on the organ donor registry and they can take anything (skin, long bone, tendons, my eyes) but I feel that I have to respect it because I believe that the way to go is different, IYKWIM (probably not because I'm very poor at explaining myself because again, it is an emotive subject) and not presumed consent because presumed consent IMO is for people who are not compos mentis (and even then, I believe in advanced directives such as living wills being recognised and encoded in law) and that bodily autonomy is paramount.
Again, I save my ire for the lack of research into the diseases that often put people in such conditions, particularly children, as paediatric disease is pretty much the bottom of the barrel when it comes to research funding.
But also, even, on perhaps examining and revising and allowing discretion and leeway into the actual process of harvesting donated organs. For example, allowing a loved one into theatre to hold the hand of their relative. From my experience in hospital and medical settings, it is a grave source of emotion and despair, yes, despair, that this is not so in some cases. Again, an example, my daughter had to undergo a great many GAs during her illness. A parent was allowed to be there as they went under. When she went under vent for the last time, there are truly no words or qualification of thanks I can ever give to the consultant who allowed me to stay with her, when they were hustling me out, as she was put under because it was the last time I saw her 'alive', IYKWIM, and I know that last time she did so, she was very scared, was with me holding her hand, telling her it was alright (even though I knew it wasn't). His decision meant the world, to both of us. IME, most people in such settings are capable of reigning in their emotions, being the bigger person, IYKWIM, and it means so very much to them, but policy . . . I get why it's there, though.
But I feel there does need to be re-evaluation of it all, IYKWIM.
I also feel it is unfair to label non-donors in any way because to me this can easily be extended. I feel very sad that we were not able to donate anything of my child. But it in no way means she does not 'live on' and it is at times quite painful to see such language surrounding death, tbh.
I'm very sorry for your son's condition and I hope he gets his transplant and I apologise in advance if I have in any way upset you, it was never my intention.